My ex and I are both 29. We were together for half a year. It’s been a few months since we talked.
He sent me this today (I’m going to remove this later):
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>**Hi <my name>. Hope you and <my daughter’s name> have been well. I honestly don’t know how you feel seeing a text from me but I hope it doesn’t give you anxiety. I’m also sorry this text is going to be long. I didn’t want to leave any major thing unsaid because I don’t know if we are going to talk again in the future.**
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>**I came to terms with that breaking up was the right decision at the time. The stars were not aligned for us. I deeply regret my words and actions that led to our breakup and how I reacted afterwards. I recognize the gravity of those words and actions, and I empathize with the pain and anxiety it caused you. You once told me that I alleviated your anxiety, and it pains me to recognize that I eventually caused you anxiety and triggered your painful past. You deserve to be cherished and loved unconditionally and to feel safe and secure. You trusted me with your heart, and I was reckless with it. That must have been awful for you to experience.**
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>**You came into my life and helped me start a journey of change and healing and I am eternally grateful for that. I’ve been working extremely hard to change in positive ways lately, especially on how to better regulate my emotions and reprogram my subconscious mind to not let my past trauma dictate my present and future behavior. Our breakup really motivated me to solve my issues and although I still have work to do, I genuinely do not believe I am capable of repeating the past.**
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>**I will go to <my area> this week. While I have changed, I will understand if your thoughts/feelings about us haven’t changed and if that’s the case, I promise I won’t ever bother you again in this life. But if it has changed, would you be comfortable meeting in person for an open minded talk and see if we both want to give this another shot?**
I cried reading this. Breaking up with him was the hardest (emotional) thing I have ever done.
He was perfect for me in every aspect, except his painful past has caused us some issues. He did/said a series of things over the course of a few weeks that broke my trust for him. I don’t feel comfortable sharing what these things are, but they’re not related to cheating or lying (I don’t think I can ever consider giving a liar or cheater a second chance). It’s more related to saying things that hurt me when he felt anxious about our relationship. He has a lot of unhealed past trauma. I know he has been in therapy in the past for this, and he started this again the week we broke up.
Every man I’ve interacted with has not come close to comparing to him, and if what he says is true (that he’s not capable of repeating past mistakes), then I truly do not think I can find someone better than him. I have not responded, and honestly, I was going to reach out eventually to him, but I wasn’t sure when.
I’m heavily considering meeting up with him and talking. If he has changed, then I would definitely give this another chance, but I’m scared. I don’t want to be hurt by him again. Could someone please advise to my situation?
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To be clear, I believe \*that he thinks what he’s saying is true\* because I know him to be an honest man. What I am hesitant to believe is whether what he thinks is true is representative of reality.
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tldr; Broke up with ex a few months ago. Ex reached out today with a powerful text telling me he’s changed certain things such that he won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. I want to believe him, and I know if I do believe him, I would give him a second chance. At the same time, I can’t believe him 100%, and I’m scared to be hurt by him again. His text is not asking me to get back together, and he’s asking if I would be interested in meeting and talking about revisiting our relationship. What should I do in this situation?
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**Here’s a brief description of our breakup in case it’s relevant (disregard if not):**
When I was breaking up with him, he looked me in the eye and held my face and said “Is there really nothing I can do to fix this? I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that.” I couldn’t answer him and I couldn’t look at him because I was falling apart and I was really close to caving to my emotions and telling him let’s try this again. Instead, I responded with “Can you confidently tell me that you won’t repeat the same mistake again?” I observed his reaction and saw him breaking and eventually he said “I can only confidently tell you that I will do my best” and I said “but you can’t confidently tell me you won’t repeat the same mistake.” He couldn’t talk right after I asked him that so I’m not sure what he said, but he left and that was the last time we talked in person. He did contact me by text and phone a few days after and asked me to reconsider and we had a long conversation with me finalizing my decision. If I had confidence that he wouldn’t repeat the mistakes, I would not have broken up with him.
1 comment
You were only together for 6 months and he couldn’t hold it together. In the few months since you broke up, there’s absolutely no way he has done enough work to fix whatever is wrong with him if he did enough damage in 6 months that you had to dump him.
Considering there’s also your daughter involved, you can’t just think about you. Does bringing this person back into your life benefit her? I’m also going to ask what kinds of work you’ve been doing on yourself? I mean, if *this* is the best you think you can do for yourself and your daughter, do you think there’s some self-reflection that needs to happen before you get with anyone?