My boyfriend (male mid 30s) invited me (female early 30s) to move in with him. We have been dating for 3 years. He owns his apartment. He is older and has a much higher paying job. I am going back to school to further my career.
I agree with splitting rent equally in regards to utilities (cable, internet, heat and electricity, etc) since we are both using these expenses equally. In regards to splitting his mortgage payments. We are not sure how to split this. I do not think it is fair I pay half of his mortgage. Especially since it is a decent amount more than I am currently paying. How do we decide how much rent I pay? Does this include his strata fees? He was thinking half of his strata and mortgage payments. Or 80% of that half. Which is still more than I am paying now. How do we come to a fair agreement?
Tl;Dr summary. How much rent do I pay my boyfriend for living at his apartment that he already owns?
39 comments
Why don’t you split the mortgage and strata payments proportionally based on income? If the monthly total payment is $2000, then maybe he pays $1500 and you pay $500 or whatever you determine that number to be based on the difference in your incomes. He needs to keep in mind that you’re contributing to his equity but not yours here, and if you could save money by continuing to live on your own because he chose to buy a more expensive place than you would live in… he needs to be flexible
There are a lot of different ways to make these kinds of arrangements – I think it’s def. fair to pay some kind of rent or percentage of the mortgage (since that’s what you’d be doing to a land lord) and it makes sense to split utilities (especially since those can vary with usage). How the rent/mortgage gest split is complicated because under other circumstances the two of you would figure out a place/split that works for both your budgets but you’ve gotta deal with his place and his expenses that you had no say in.
The discussion should probably start with your budgets and financial goals.
My exwife had so much issues that I owned a place and when she moved in she thought she was entitled to it lol in the end it was the reason we broke up. I had her pay nothing and she still
Thought she deserved half lol anyways I think it’s fair you pay like a rent (probably slightly under a rent value) you should not be paying half his mortgage, if the going rate of a condo for rent of a condo let’s say his size is 2000 a month for example. You should pay max 1000. Half the bills like internet etc. if he has a high mortgage that’s not your problem,
If he wants you to move in with him, but you’re in school and would be upping your rent to live with him, that doesn’t make financial sense to me. Don’t know what a strata fee but if I’m correct in guessing it’s some type of condo fee, that would be on him, since he’s the mortgage owner. Percentage based on income?
I think you should split proportionately according to income – this is the same way I would split any other expense. Example if you make 50k and he makes 150k, and housing expense is 2k/month, you’d pay 500 and he’d pay 1500. I think this is generally a good fair way to share expenses, housing or otherwise.
Either pay him the same amount as you are currently paying for rent, or stay in the apartment you already have. I wouldn’t put myself into a financially disadvantaged position just to live with a guy.
Good luck with this guy. Next he’ll have a spreadsheet categorizing every penny he spends on you. Don’t f with dudes like this. My husband now spoils me rotten. He’s never kept a score and only wants to take care of me.
I think rents and utilities should be divided by percentage to your income. If you earn significantly less than your boyfriend, a 50/50 split wouldn’t be right. Also, I think, as you’ll be renting from him, a contract would be necessary.
I would say pay proportionaly or tell him you can afford to pay what you pay in rent now, if that is not ok then decline invitation and tell him you can revisit after you are done with school and earn more
Figure out what percent of your pay is compared to his and you pay that percent of the mortgage other wise you will regret it because you will be broke. It doesnt matter what you were paying in rent before just pay your percentage.
You may want to move
Stay in your own place. Or he has to be ok accepting what you currently pay now.
Living together should be mutually beneficial. This sounds all in his favour, financially.
It can be fair to take into account that you make less maybe figure out a percentage that reflects your incomes. That’s my opinion
Why pay off half his mortgage without getting any of the ownership? It makes no sense
First off, if he is paying a mortgage and you’re going to pay rent will you be added to the deed? Or some sort of contract confirming you’re contributing to the mortgage? Things is, you can pay half the mortgage for 10 years, break up, and you can go without getting anything. Everything you out towards the house is now his. Utilities is a different story. You both shower, cook, watch TV etx.
What you can propose, again assuming some sort of ownership is registrated on your behalf else pay nothing and don’t move in, is to split according to income. If you’re earning 50% of what he is earning then this should reflect in the mortgage payments. If he doesn’t agree and wants 50/50 then tell him you can’t afford this place, or even if you can but don’t want this large part of your income to go there, to buy another place together within your price range that you both pay for. He can rent out his place that he owns now to cover the costs to furture his wealth. But keep in mind if he does agree to this, you’re making it possible for him to do this and some sort of ownership in the original place is warrented as well. At least eventually.
If you contribute you should be rewarded and you should guard your position as he is doing so for his. If he isn’t willing to come towards an agreement that benefits you both equally he isn’t the guy for you. Don’t give in to easy, women that contribute financially in an equal basis are rare.
But whatever you end up doing, make a contract you both sign. He approaches this as a business deal and so should you. Anything you pay that isn’t registered in a contract as to where this money is going towards you will completely lose if you two ever break up.
Goodluck
Alternative idea:
Are you skilled at cooking? Offer to get the groceries and cook dinners in exchange for no rent. The labor of both shopping and cooking (especially if you know how) is indispensable for some people.
Sorry OP but he’s taking you for a ride. I understand splitting the bills and contributing a bit towards the mortgage for “wear and tear”, but a mortgage he’s not adding you to and he’s already paying… That’s free money for him but money going down the drain for you, as you’re paying for his investment. Asking for half of it, and being higher than your current rent putting you in a worse financial position is a nope. You’re not being selfish by not agreeing to it under that reasoning, you would be having more fixed monthly expenses and he would be having less, as he’s already paying for the mortgage all by himself.
He makes SIGNIFICANTLY ALOT MORE THAN you do, yet he wants you to pay half? On top of that, you are going back to school??
Let’s say he makes $150,000 a year.
You make $65,000 a year.
How is splitting everything half way including the mortgage to a place YOU DONT EVEN OWN, is even fair? Does this guy want a future with you, or just wants to be sure that if something does happen between both of you, in his mind you weren’t taking advantage of him and living arrangements? What about some fucking empathy here? You are going to school, and let’s assume, you are paying it out of pocket instead of taking a loan out. Can he just cut you a break until you make as much as he does? Because the way I see it, HES SAVING LOTS OF MONEY BY YOU PAYING HALF OF EVERYTHING, and you are here paying for 50% PLUS your classes. THIS DOESN’T SOUND FAIR AT ALL.
If this guy LOVES YOU, and understand HES IN A MORE FINANCIALLY ADVANTAGEOUS POSITION, he should just allow you FOR YOU to focus paying your classes, you pay for internet in full, your own car insurance, gas, cell, and maybe the electric bill and THATS IT.
Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE FINANCIALLY TAPPED, AND HE ISNT.
This is how it’s done when you love someone and you want to see them succeed. WHAT HES DOING IS LOOKING OUT FOR HIMSELF and mind you HE CAN AFFORD TO DO SO. HE DOESN’T NEED YOUR 50% bits.
He’s being EXTREMELY STINGY AND SELFISH.
Quite frankly I WOULD NOT ONLY SECOND GUESS THIS FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENT OF 50%, I WOULD EVEN SECOND GUESS IF THIS GUY IS WORTH MARRYING. I’m here to tell you as a woman who has been married for 18 years, HE AINT IT SIS. LOOK ELSEWHERE. He’s the type to buy a Porshe and he still wants you to pay 50% of everything while you are still driving your 2010 Ford Fiesta.
Make it proportionate to your earnings , he has purchased a home he knew was affordable to him , you weren’t involved in that choice so you shouldn’t be put out financially when moving in with him , so you should pay what is affordable to you . If you had both made the decision to get that home together and were both in the paperwork for ownership splitting it down the middle would be perfectly fair , however you have no rights of ownership to the home so it doesn’t seem fair to pay half of the mortgage to HIS house when it is unaffordable to you and it wasn’t your financial decision to pick a home that’s so expensive.
Everything Split proportional based on income would be the fairest option. Then you each have money to spend instead of one being broke while the other thrives..
Either pay what you pay now or stay where you are.
You’re not married, it is not shared equity. Stay where it’s more financially sound for you.
I’d tell him that since I’m going back to school, I can’t really afford to up my rent. I need to focus on school, and having to worry about how to make rent would be too stressful. If he doesn’t agree to maybe only some utilities and groceries, I’d stay where I was. What happens if you can’t swing it? It’s gonna cause a rift and I just don’t think it’s a good idea at this juncture.
TL;DR: it doesn’t make financial sense to move in with him under the terms he is proposing. Unless he compromises, it’s a no go, fam. You’re not an income opportunity for him.
Funny how men want to reap the rewards of having a wife to take care of them, cook, clean, and manage the house, but they don’t want to provide.
If he wanted me, a life partner, to make half the payments, he’d be renegotiating the ownership deed or else I’d be laughing in his face.
I’m not going to overextend my budget to pay his bills, especially not when you know *this* type of man is always going to lord it over her that it’s *his* place anytime she proposes an update or a change.
Like imagine she thought a new paint colour for the living room might be fun? Nope! It’s his place so he gets to choose.
Hang a picture on the wall? Nope, it’s his place and he doesn’t want unnecessary holes in the walls, etc
Is he looking for a live in maid and caretaker and someone to help pay his bills? Why on earth would he expect you to pay half toward the equity he is building. Are you marrying this guy? What benefit is there to living with him? You’re paying more and what?
Split things equitably. If doing so saves you money, make an agreement that doesn’t feel you’re being taken advantage of. Until you know it’s solid, you are basically paying to help his future. If your portion is more than you would live on your own, you should consider having equity in what you’re paying into.
Keep in mind, some partners out there would not expect any money. Especially not from their partner who is low in funds going to school, and would understand that having you live with them is a gift. Women make up most of the household chores too. How is that equitably split in your partnership? I think posting here illustrates the doubts you have in making this decision and requires further conversation with them on what their expectations are.
Set up some kind of agreement where you also make some equity while help paying off his mortgage. You should receive x % of the assets should you two ever split. You are helping pay his mortgage, you’re helping him out. It should be a percentage of your income. Not 50/50 if he makes more than you.
I think it’s only fair that you help with his mortgage if you’re living with him, but half his mortgage being more than your paying now is pretty crazy. You should be saving money from this move.
Big yikes. Paying half when he makes way more, especially because you would be paying into his mortgage, which means he’s getting equity while you get nothing, is a red flag to me. Sounds like the kind of guy who thinks washing the dishes after you cook for two hours is an equal division of labor.
I would say logically (with context that it’s a mortgage) it’s fair to split it proportionately based on ratio of income difference HOWEVER
With context, your man is a fully grown man (not to hate) and he seems like financially his life is in order so it makes me think what kind of morals and values does he stand by OR does he even want to put a ring on you
Sorry to say it’s a bit of a double L here. He is either stingy with his money or he isn’t sure with committing to a marriage with you
You would be paying half rent but he obtains ownership of it at the end? Nope! He invited you to come live with him. I believe you should be splitting all shared bills but he should solely be responsible for the mortgage. Crazy that it was even suggested.
The way me and a lady friend once did it was I made significantly more, so I just broke out a calculator concluded that I made 80% of the household Revenue so I would pay 80% of all bills and it worked for us. A couple in a relationship is not a roommate situation so it should definitely be treated as a life partnership. If I were him I would just pay the exact amount that I was previously paying and I asked you to offset the rest. And I would only do that because you seem to want to. Otherwise I would just pay everything and tell you you should focus as much as you can on school
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect you to pay rent.
What would an apartment like his be to rent? Is that more or less than the mortgage? My thought would be paying market rate rent and then perhaps adjusting on a sliding scale to account for income difference.
No more than you’re paying now, dividing based on income (without whatever a strata fee is) would be idea id thats less than your current rent. So if mortgage is $1000 and he makes 80% of the income and you make 20%, then you pay $200 and he pays $800. Utilities could be split this way as well but half would also be fine. Otherwise he’s benefiting to your detriment.
My ex moved in with me to the house that I own. He makes significantly less than me, and was up front that he couldn’t move in with me if it meant he was paying more. I was already floating the mortgage on my own, so anything from him was a bonus – but I wasn’t going to let him live there rent-free or else I’d feel used (trust me, that’s the feeling). So he paid approximately the same – we settled on a flat rate rather than rent + a portion of utilities like at his old apt – and I got a nice little cushion.
I once upon a time paid just slightly less than half of my ex’s mortgage, but it was also pretty on par with market rent at the time and in hindsight I was overpaying.
Pay what you were paying (give or take) or don’t move in is my vote 🤷♀️
I honestly don’t think that you should be paying rent, the utilities, I understand, but you are also a student speaking from being a student as well I don’t have a lot of money to live on. And plus he makes more money than you so he should be taken care of the rent until you guys get a place together that is both of yours, or you have a job and you’re working.
If you aren’t on the deed, you aren’t more than a tenant which means as the owner his condo fees are on him. Half the rent is excessive unless half the space is yours. I’m sure you are sharing a room. So you are losing space that you can do whatever you want in an apartment you would be paying less in to go make his life easier by footing some of his expenses while he makes more money.
Is he dense? You are the one losing in this situation but he expects you to pay half while you get no benefits beside his lovely company. F that.
Either you don’t pay a cent more than you are paying (I would vie for less since as I said, you are losing individual space, making his overall bills less, and benefit nothing from the equity he is building through his mortgage that you will be helping pay.) Or you tell him you are staying put. That is what is fair.
You should pay no more than 30% of your income. Of this is the same or less than what you are paying at your place I would offer that.
Okay. So I currently live with my partner and have done for 3 years now.
Not ONCE has she asked me to cover half the mortgage on her home.
Yes I have helped out several times, especially before she was in a better paying job. (Like she is now).
Why?
Because she *knows* that I can’t afford it, especially as I currently do cafe work. During the winter this means shorter hours and less pay. With summer being the opposite.
(The general idea is you save as much as you can over summer and that’s your buffer during winter).
Now what do I cover? I’ve agreed to cover food and the rates payment. (Rates is what we pay for our services; rubbish collection, water, etc).
Only because we know that I can afford that comfortably.
For reference our mortgage is about $600 /fortnight and rates is around $2,100 ish a year. (Paid in 1/4’s). Food ends up being around $100 a week.
(All of this is in NZD and approximates).
In other words. Work out what you can personally afford and go from there.
Why do you have to pay anything?splitting bills and groceries is ok.If he was struggling then I would think but he didn’t ask to move in with you so you split half of his mortgage.Of a man can’t do this much then what more can you expect.
As someone in the exact same situation as you, except I’m the guy, owns the house, makes more money, gf works part time and does schooling, I can give you my thoughts…
I want my GF to be able to live cheaper with me than on her own, at the same time, I am not here to give her a free ride, and just because I make more money because I made different career choices, shouldn’t be used as a negotiation piece.
I agree, split the bills. As for a Mortgage payment, not so much. My name is on title, not hers. Any equity built while paying down the mortgage is me. I pay 100% of the principal. Interest on the mortgage, still me, as it was my financial choice to take on this debt. Taxes would be split. Insurance would be split. Household repairs and renovations, all me. Furniture, appliances or other Household items, all me.
Everyone is different in their financial situations and expectations. Remember to consider the other things. Who pays when you go out for dinner, a movie or a hot springs weekend? That stuff can add up. I know the money I used to get from my GF in rent, a good chunk of that was spent on stuff for both of us like date night or activities or that set of kayaks…
We also just recently moved, I sold my Condo , and we have moved into a house.
In My Condo I paid every bill, it costed me $2700 a month all in (all bills, mortgage, taxes, insurance), and my GF gave me $700. Living in her rental apartment my GF payed $1400/month on rent/bills by herself. I felt good because my GF was living for cheaper so she has more money for the other things in life. The $700/month from her allowed me to have a little more disposable income as the bills only increased a little. Much of that disposable income I did spend on items or activities to benefit the relationship. Things like Hot Springs weekend, or that set of Kayaks. Stuff to make us both happy, and not just for me.
In the House now we are going to be having this conversation again real soon. Our situation is a little different. She was unemployed for a few months, just recently getting a job. I fully think if she can cover 1/4 of the monthly all on, that would be great.