If you ask me to give a speech on a certain topic in front of a thousand people, I’ll do it without hesitation but if you ask me to engage in a casual informal conversation with a few acquaintances, I’ll be clueless on how to go about it. Does anyone else face this issue? How can I overcome it?

2 comments

  1. A bit long. Kind of an infodump/rambling about how I make friends. Maybe it’ll be relatable.

    I’d be super nervous about a big speech, but on a smaller scale, I do much better with defined relationships. Having “work friends” for example is really hard for me to do meaningfully because they aren’t close enough for me to unmask, but without the defined roles of just being coworkers, IDK what I’m supposed to do. Small talk is hard.

    So like, I can get along swimmingly with my online friends who I am super open with, but struggle with many other friendships. When I’m in a task oriented mindset, it’s a bit easier to just focus on the task and reassure myself with that.

    Also on that, with online friends, it’s easier for me to cross the “person I know” to “close friends” boundary, because we can exist in the same space (like a discord server) and see each other and get comfortable.without feeling pressure to interact in any specific way or according to any particular social script. If I’m feeling quiet and don’t talk in a conversation online, but am listening, I’m still getting to know people, but don’t feel really awkward about being quiet and weird. The internet is so much easier.

    Finally, I would like to note that online friends aren’t inherently any less real to me. I’ve found ways to meet up with several of my online friends and that’s been wonderful. I was worried at first that I wouldn’t “click” with them IRL, but I have and and I love them so much.

  2. I can totally understand. I’m basically another person when talking to authority figures because I KNOW they’re there to correct mistakes, not judge me for making them.
    In casual embodiments I have a part of my brain constantly screaming and freaking out over the possibility of slipping up and sounding like an idiot

    It’s the same thing when it comes to short interactions and total strangers and internet relationships AND most importantly close friends who I trust dearly and don’t care about making a mistake with.

    I’ve gotten better at it over time thankfully but it’s a long road ahead until your brain shuts up and let’s you behave like a person

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