Would you reject her? If that is the case, would there be something that make you change your mind?
Would you invite her, but change to do different activities and have different conversation topics?
Would you invite her, but just feel awkward the whole time?
Would you be just okay with everything?
EDIT: there are so many different answers here across the whole spectrum! Just to show there are no consensus in this matter.
32 comments
It would depend. Even one female participant can ruin the dynamics. I’d have to talk it over with the boys.
The bois stay with the bois.
You need the validation of the bros council!
Dude, have some standards and pride. It is boys night. Of course she wants to come along. There is nothing women enjoy more than invading male spaces. They like it because it gives them more mating opportunities. But she’ll actually respect you more if you tell her no. Would you ask her to tag along on her girls night?
No I hang with a couple homies and every now and then one of our female friends will join us and just chill. We do the same activities but we try to stay away from video games haha.
Just like I would not ask a female friend to hand out with her during her girls night out, I would decline a request to hang with the boys during our night out. When men hang together, we tend to goof around and insult each other, having a lady among us will not be the same.
We make a lot of jokes that are offensive as fuck, in my experience girls don’t handle this well so it changes the dynamic of the night.
If its intentionally a boys night, which I rarely do, I would definitely deny her. Boys night is Boys night. Sometimes men need their safe spaces, too. Guys asking to attend girls night, would be rediculed, too. I had one this year, so really not that often. Honestly, I would have found it to be quite rude if one asked me to tag along there.
If I would have a weekly boys night, I wouldn’t see that much of a problem.
Not in my experience,
We had a few girls join us on socials. Our conversations ranged from sports , video games, hunting fishing, movies, and even sex. They were fun to hang around with and would slug beer and whiskey like it’s going out of style.
Depends more on the person than on their gender.
Specifically guys night?
Almost always a no.
First of all let guys have their space free of women from time to time.
Second it absolutely does change dinamic in case of 99% women that could be brought in. Now you have to watch what you say and how you act its not as free.
Lastly chances are she wouldnt enjoy it anyway.
Changing whole plan just to bring someone extra is absurd. Just absurd.
Almost all nights are for all anyway. Of course there are rare exceptions of women that really mix well into boys night but if you even have to ask youre not one of those.
Boys night is boys night. Go away.
Any other scenario, maybe.
>Or at least tag along as an observer?
Careful, we might forget you exist and abandon you. Either you participate or we never invite you again.
No, she cannot come. It is only for me and my male friends.
> If that is the case, would there be something that make you change your mind?
There is nothing. And if she starts complaining, throwing tantrums or, God forbid, bringing politics up, I’d decide to not bother with being her friend anymore.
I personally like to misbehave a bit and act like a meathead when I’m with da boys. No, girls allowed.
Actually, had this happen earlier this year. One of the guys brought a girlfriend out golfing and she ended up driving a golf cart over the green infront of the club house, pissed everyone off.
If it’s an already scheduled boys night, probably say no to this one and maybe schedule another one later if she really wants to hang out with the boys, but not a drop in.
As with women, bringing a man into the group changes what is socially acceptable within that group. Even if no one is trying to hook up with that person. Men and women will say all kinds of shit when they think they are safe from the other gender. It can make a boys night out a little awkward unless everyone in the group is comfortable with the new person.
Although the best wingman I’ve ever had was a woman. She was a lesbian and the guys got comfortable with her pretty quick. But she was also pointing out all the hot women that walked in, so the boys loved her.
It depends on what the itinerary is. If it was a games night for example and she is not at all into games, I’d wonder why she’d even wanna tag along. I’d probably ask as much too.
If she wants to tag along, it’s not like I’d object either; I’d welcome it. I’d just be really confused.
If it was something that she can do/does do, such as bar hopping, then the only thing that would probably change is the intensity of conversation and banter. Even in my normally mixed social groups, the dynamic is far different once the girls are absent.
That said, I don’t explicitly have “boys nights”; I just have groups of guy friends with common interests.
A female is a wet blanket for a men’s poker party, men’s night out, or other men’s event.
A female presence changes the whole atmosphere. Even a dyke lesbian friend is not compatible at a men’s event. .
As an observer? You collecting info for the politiburo or something?
If the night is specifically labeled as a “boys’ night”, then she doesn’t fit and I wouldn’t invite her.
If the outings just happen to be with my male friends and there’s no real distinction, then it comes down to whether or not I think she’d fit in.
Tagging along as an observer would be weird. Possibly even weird AF.
Participating wouldn’t be, but we don’t do strictly stag nights anyway.
I think it’s healthy to have boys night just like it’s healthy to have girls night.
I would deny the access to boys because guys become different when girls are around.
It’s an annoyance if they cannot be themselves and around the lads, this does not happen.
Girls are fun and some of my best friends are female, it’s not a sexist thing. It’s purely just about being an idiot with the lads for a few hours
Boy’s night is where men can speak honestly amongst one another. A night where vulnarability is ok. A female there, no matter how nice, how well-fitting a personality, will absolutely change that dynamic to a more formal/distant one. Most men don’t open up too well when there’s newcomers around, especially not if it’s a she. If I took my girl with me on boys night, I’d feel like invading a sacred space. I’d feel like disabling my buddies to be honest. Not one of my friends will ask his girl to accompany him on a get-together labelled ‘boys night’, I won’t either.
There is a method.
We used to have a boys night when I was young – it was a night away from the wifes and girlfriends, and basically an effort to maintain friendships when real life started to take over. We’re make chicken on the barbeque, have a few drinks, play darts and watch movies – nothing too naughty – mostly talk about what was going on in our lives.
A couple of girlfriends showed up once and embarassed their boys – we barred them at the door, while they stood outside accusing us of hiring strippers and worse. We told them unequivocally that they can’t come in, and we told the fellas that if they went out to speak to them that they were barred from returning – they wisely hid upstairs as we denied they were there.
A neighbor called the police on those gals. We told the police we didn’t know them.
*”We’re in here watching TV and these strange chicks show up, banging on the door and hurling insults at us – we don’t know them from Adam.”*
On another occasion, this guys girlfriend showed up. She came to the door with a pair of six packs of beer and a stick-on mustache. She said *”Hey dudes, what’s going on?”* We welcomed her with open arms, and to her credit she wore that fake mustache the whole night.
And that is how Carrie became a member of our secret brotherhood. God love you Carrie, wherever you are.
My SO sometimes has a girls night, she has explained to me that it’s not about excluding men, it’s about creating a safe space for the women. I feel much the same way about a guys night.
I’ve been friends with men all my life, and been a man myself for just as long. A group of men socializing will behave differently if there is a lady present, even if there is no sexual energy involved at all. When explained this way to other women, they agree that a group of women socializing will change the dynamic if there is a man present.
My initial thought would be to tell her no. If she pushed, I’d likely let her come but only because I don’t want to have the argument or be accused of excluding her. I would also likely reconsider our friendship long term if she’s the kind of person who insists on being invited to everything regardless of if it involves her or not.
Cons:
1) Won’t be boys night anymore.
2) Might have to tiptoe around certain jokes and your collective sense of humor.
3) If she’s observing, she might be scouting one of you for a potential partner, so you really have to watch your behavior.
4) While some girls might be more likely to come hang out because you already have a girl in the group, the original friend might cock block. They do this shit too.
Pros:
1) Y’all can go anywhere.
2) Having a female in the group makes the guys seem less likely to misbehave and cause trouble. You’ll be more accepted to certain clubs and bars. It’s just a social fact.
3) One female friend in the group might be like an undercover wingman. Girls notice this shit, and will be more likely to come around and hang out. I’ve seen it happen.
4) Mom friend in the group is never really a bad thing. She can be your DD if the need arises.
I wouldnt let her hang out with us, the whole mood changes when there is a woman around boys and i hate that shit. Its not like she cant have fun or we have to limit ourselves but i know for a fact everyone wil try to impress her and shit and that isnt fun anymore especially if its a boys night we are talking about.
It’s fine but she needs to start the night with a beer and a burp and a fart
If it’s a boys night it’s a boys night so no she would not be welcome under any circumstance
I’ll politely reject her. Just a female presence is enough to change the whole thing. My friends wont be talking or acting 100% genuinely due to her being there. Boys night means boys night…no females tagging along
If she is familiar with the guys and they get along it’s cool if she joins in once in a while.
I love men, I really do but going out with a group of friends where I am the only girl sounds absolutely terrible.
Although, I have a group of female friends, and we have a “girl’s lunch” where we start drinking at noon, and without fail there is alway at least one male friend that comes to hangout with us by the end of the night, and I’ve never really thought twice about that. Having one guy in a group of women never changes the dynamic for us.
I’ve had plenty of female friends. But if you put a woman in a group of guys it will change the dynamic. Period.
So no, unless I was looking for a different night, I wouldn’t invite her. Maybe for another event, but not a guys night.
“Boys Night”
“Guy’s Night Out”
It should be self explanatory. It’s for males. If a woman comes along it’s no longer that and defeats the purpose.
“Would you reject her?”
Yes.
“If that is the case, would there be something that make you change your mind?”
No.
“Would you invite her, but change to do different activities and have different conversation topics?”
No. Because if it’s a guys night out I wouldn’t invite her to begin with.
“Or at least tag along as an observer?”
That sounds creepy.
Would you okay on a girl’s night out a guy following your group as an observer? Watching? Listening?
It’s going to change the group dynamic. An all men group is going to be different if there is even 1 women in the group. Even if she’s only lurking.
EDIT
“there are so many different answers here across the whole spectrum! Just to show there are no consensus in this matter.”
Not really. There seems to be a consensus to the original question it’s just you kept adding things on so that’s going to change the answer depending on the situation.