It might be my imagination, but ever since my friend and I recently became roommates, she went from being the tomboy who’s never been ashamed to burp in front of me to suddenly becoming this shy person who gets flustered when I make random sex jokes. I’ve noticed the change in her attitude towards me when I introduced her to a girl who came home with me. Nothing was weird when the two of them interacted, but when the girl was gone the next morning, my friend could not stop talking about how strange it was to know that I had sex with someone right under her nose. She made it sound like she never imagined me having sex until that moment. Since then, my friend acts like I’m someone she’s getting to know all over again. Last night she cooked dinner for me. It was completely out of character, but I was not complaining.
I’m curious though, can sex have some kind of psychological effect on a person who’s not physically related to the sexual experience? I dunno if I’m asking that question right. I guess I just want to understand what changed.
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it seems like maybe she has feelings for you? maybe she felt comfortable and that she had time to show you she does or tell you if you don’t date much? or if she thinks you don’t date often? seeing you be intimate with someone probably made her feel like she needed to hurry and show you signs she likes you because she might think she will lose you to someone else if she doesn’t hurry up
I sometimes wonder if it’s only a matter of reluctance. I don’t think there’s much reluctance generally speaking, especially for guys as young as you are, into the game. But women can understandably be very reluctant.
Say you’re a guy who has so many prospects (if you aren’t already) and rooming with a girl who has few, and you don’t see her attractive in that way or at least questionable: a plain face or body or incompatible character for lovers or whatever makes you question your attraction to her beyond a friend. But there is the intimacy of rooming with her and the closeness.
Then suddenly you see a sexual and attractive side to her. Might be her having sex with another guy or maybe just seeing her walk around in a bikini in the nicest lighting. Maybe you change something about the way you act even subconsciously at that point. Maybe you go from doing things that you think repel women to bringing your A-Game at that point around her because you already had the closeness of being roommates but now you just suddenly became sexually curious about her. So you got that kinship on top of a sexual attraction piled on top all of a sudden.
Maybe that’s what’s going on with her. No matter how much game you got going, women approach these situations more reluctantly in my general experience than men. So maybe that’s why she went from burping in front of you towards wanting to put on her A-Game once she got some level of sexual attraction or at least curiosity towards you. I don’t think it’s so much that you had sex but that talking about it might have sparked a sexual curiosity in her towards you.
I write a long text about how she is clearly into me….
Is she into me?
C. can’t tell
Sounds like she has a crush on you and was able to ignore it until forced to confront the fact that you’re sleeping with women. Sounds like she’s suddenly trying to act more like what she thinks you might want from a woman.
She wants to fuck you
2 important facts. You wrote a huge set of things that said she either has a crush on you or she has had to ignore that you have a sexual side in order to remain platonic. Now she can’t ignore whichever one it is. Fact two, you claim to be longtime really good friends so why not just talk to her?
Be direct and be open while trying to be ready for anything. Tell her it seems like she felt some kind of way about you having sex with other girls. Tell her you “I don’t want to make any assumptions about how you felt so I just wanted to respect you enough to ask. Do you possibly like me like that? Do you possibly not like me, but thought I was more reserved sexually? Does any of this really bother you? I just want to know how you feel so we can keep being open and honest with each other. No matter what the future has in store for us.”
The brain works in strange ways. Your friend never thought about you in that light before. But now that she saw you actively in that light something in her changed. Seems that you did something that attracted her. And attraction is not a choice. Who knows, maybe she was slightly attracted to you before and now that she saw you with another woman…
I’d put money down that she’s in to you. She might not have even realized it was to the extent it is until she really saw other people having you.
Lots of women calibrate the a guy’s attractiveness based on the girls that he dates. If she found this girl attractive and probably felt less attractive than her, she re-calibrated your level of attractiveness to a much higher level than before.
If you had brought a troll home, you would have gone down in attractiveness in her perception.
This kick-started or awakened something in her. Maybe she already kinda liked you but hadn’t really paid attention to it, or maybe now she sees you as a sexual being (i know it’s a weird term but bear with me) and feels attraction towards you.
Idk man but when you said this
>Last night she cooked dinner for me.
I thought “she’s trying to seduce you” lol
Whatever you do, don’t fuck your roommate. Never fuck your roommate.
She wants you.
My guess is that she’s always been attracted to you but didn’t want to ruin the friendship. After seeing you with another woman, her true feelings bubbled up, maybe even some jealousy. She’s interested in pursuing a relationship.
This is cute and hilarious. She has now realized she likes you.
A lot of people are saying that she might be into you, which sounds right but I’d like to warn you that it might actually just be jealously on her part and she might not want a relationship with you.
It might sound crazy to be jealous of someone you don’t want to be in a relationship with but it’s really not that uncommon.
Tread carefully OP.
Dude to be honest , cause I’m only reading about your situation, you have a great friend and are in a situation where may be she has developed feelings for you.
AND I ENVY YOU!!!!🥲🥲( cause I also want it)
If she have developed feelings for you or has just started, hence the situation , you should think first if that’s what you really want ( a relationship with her ) or just want it to be like before .
Hope to hear from you after you have found some clarity on the situation.
Be safe and hope you have an amazing day…or night( don’t know the time there)
✌️
I think the big question is how you feel about it. If you would be interested, you can talk and see where that takes you. If you aren’t, you can just ignore whatever is going on with her and just stay a friend. Some things don’t need to be debated.
I have personal experience with a word-for-word exact same situation.
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My long time female friend who never made any passes at me asked if I would be roommates a few years ago. I said yes because I was living in LA where rent is insane and I was struggling early in my career. We made the agreement before we moved in together that we wouldn’t sleep with each other. I found her super attractive but we were friends so I never made a move.
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As time progressed, we each dated other people and I thought nothing of it. About 9 months in I started dating an older woman who was very attractive and interested in a long-term relationship. My roommate was insanely bothered by this, and on some level I knew why. She stopped dating entirely, and our mutual friends started urging me to not have my then girlfriend over to our apartment.
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Over time, I became sexually obsessed with my roommate. I learned something about relationships that I think is almost universal: people are like animals in the zoo- if you put two together, eventually they’re going to smash.
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My roommate confessed what I already knew and we started seeing each other. It was one of the best sexual experiences of my life because the tension was so insanely high. However, we weren’t really compatible and starting fighting very often. I eventually moved out because of it, and the relationship failed. That said, it was an amazing ride while it happened and I regret nothing.
she witnessed another girl pre-screen you
once she realized that another girl would sleep with u, it made her realize that you might be a viable sexual or romantic partner. lot of girls do this, not even consciously; they need to see a “thumbs up” of some kind from one of their peers
Could be as simple as she used to think you’re attractive, but nothing more, like acknowledging the weather. And when you brought the girl home, she could have heard her moans and that made her think of you in a sexual way. Especially if the girl was loudly showing her appreciation 😏
This definitely sounds like she could be into you. How long have you been friends?
It’s easy to see someone as an asexual entity when you only see them in certain contexts. You can imagine a whole life for them that could be completely inaccurate. It sounds like this may have been the case with her, and now that she’s seeing you every day and being exposed to you as a sexual being – yeah, feelings can definitely change, and *fast*.
If you’re into her, try to have some serious conversations about it before you hop into anything. Relationships that come from longstanding friendships can be beautiful and, imo, probably have a much higher chance of success than most others. But you’re also roommates, and if things go sour you could be in for a bad time.
Not everything is some secret sign. She could just literally be weirded out that she sees/hears her platonic friend having sex. It’s strange for sure, especially the first time you encounter it. She is reconciling the friendship she has with you with this whole other side of you she’s never seen. Maybe it will trigger a crush in both of you, maybe not. But it is definitely normal to have to process living with your opposite sex roommate’s sex life. She’s also seeing how you treat women behind the scenes for the first time. Are you a nice guy? A douchebag? Any friend would process that information into their previous image of you
Its called Social Proof.
She knows other women want to fuck you so now she wants to fuck you too
So, I have a couple questions here. 1 how long have you two been living together? 2 how many times have you or her brought someone home to have sex with? 3 Is this the first time? 4 How long have you noticed this change, did it start before you slept with anyone? If this is the first time sex has been had in the apartment and now the fact that she knew and heard you having sex could have made her horny and awaken that feeling. Maybe she is jealous if your getting some and she is not, assuming she isn’t bringing any guys home. Go back and look at the answers you gave to the questions I asked. Your answers could give you some insight of what she (maybe) feeling. What do you value the most her friendship or a sexual relationship with her. I’ve seen comments saying sleep with her and don’t sleep with her. The choice is ultimately yours. But keep in mind if you try to go the sexual route (bf/gf) and it doesn’t work, could end up losing a great friend and roommate. It can also turn out to work great for the two of you. One commenter said; most relationship start out as great friends, as they should. Another commenter said; don’t sleep with it could ruin the relationship you have now with her, yup it very well could. You want to risk losing that?
What I’m getting at is, if it’s only been a short period that you have noticed this change… ie. In the last day or two or week, I don’t think, imo, you should move to talk to her about it yet. You need to observe a little more. Now if this complete change has been going on for a good length of time then most certainly have a talk with her and if the two of you want to try for a relationship, go for it. Oh, what other changes have you noticed beside the dinner making and flush from jokes. Does she seem to be more flirty, being closer to you than normally, has she made any changes to how she dresses in the apartment. More seductive attire, more revealing comfy wear? Has she started wearing make up or wearing it longer after she gets home instead of washing her face then.
Anyways sorry for the long comment. Just some things I’d think about to consider if I was in your situation. I’d hate to make the wrong decision and ruin a great friendship.
Good luck, have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Live, love, laugh in peace.
Seems your just a tad oblivious….living together is a intimate thing. Whether romantic or not. You are in a way getting to know each other on a big level. Having to see each other everyday can make one mindful of their actions. And the sex jokes could be seen as a pass persay and may be making them uncomfortable. Then again i could be completely wrong…i think the best thing to do is let her read yhis post so she can see what you really think exactly.
Nothing makes a woman wanting to fuck you more than seeing other women wanting to fuck you. The hotter those other women are, the more she wants to fuck u.
I’m getting “Territorial” vibes.
She may or may not have feelings for you but she does feel some level of jealousy/possessiveness. It honestly depends on her own ego, vanity, and self-image. If a person has a bigger ego, high self-image, and vanity = they will act territorial about/possessive of everyone around them.
You know how NFTs are dumb and useless until people started buying NFTs and then people were like “wow NFTs are super valuable!”?
There’s another possible take on this situation. From the woman’s perspective, I had a similar thing happen to me. I was best friends with a guy for years and never had attraction or sexual interest towards him. But we were extremely close. He had a girlfriend that was a pain in the ass and we would kind of talk about her and pick on her (we were young) in private. Eventually they broke up. Then he fell in love with another mutual friend and I kinda had a crisis. For a while I thought maybe I was in love with him. I was jealous and hurt. We tried at some point to date but it ended up ruining the friendship because it turned out I wasn’t in love with him, we were just growing up and I was loosing him because his interests shifted to girlfriends. So be careful, she may just be confused herself and navigating the feelings that come up when best friends grow up and start dating, falling in love, and their partners become their new best friends.
You can get all “The game”-quasi-psychological-mind-games up in all this, interpreting it as your proof of sexual conquests was a trigger for her sexual interest in you, but I’d just let her do her thing, people change for lots of reasons.
Maybe she sees you in a different light now that she has seen that other girls look at you sexually, or it might be that she just found it kind of hot to know that you had sex “right under her nose” as she put it, or it might be that she looked on you like more of a little brother before, and now she sees you in a different light, might not even be because the sex thing, but because you guys are roomies now.
Or, it might be that she had a small fantasy that you guys were to become a intimate once you moved in with each other, and now she’s kind of bummed that it didn’t play out like in the movies.
Don’t stress it. Bring it up only if it seems to bother her or harm your friendship. And, this goes without saying, you are free to choose sexual partners just how you want, and your friendship shouldn’t become affected by your sexual activity.
She realized that the tables have turned and now she is the gay friend waiting for her chance. She likes you bro.
“Mate-choice copying, or non-independent mate choice, occurs when a female of an animal species copies another fellow female’s mate choice.”
Mate copying is a well known phenomenon among women, as well as many other animals. She is seeing you be successful with other women and her evolutionary brain is picking that up as a cue that you are a suitable and valuable mate, and she feels compelled to compete for your attention. This then combines with her previous platonic attitude towards you and perhaps makes her feel a little confused and awkward with you
I remember in high school when I wanted a pretty popular girl and she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I started fucking a girl a year younger and laying it down really good. Other girls got wind and one day in gym class the girl that gave me no consideration asked me if I had been fucking XXX. I said yes and she called me an asshole and walked away. I remember being so confused at the confrontation. Fast forward a month later when we were at a house party together we ended up fucking. Women only want what is desired by others.
“Hey, you’ve been weird ever since I brought that girl over. What’s up?”
For the love of god please don’t just assume she’s into you and make a move. It may well be that if you’ve been friends as long as you’ve mentioned, that she sees you more as a childish brother than anything, and that would be weird.
You became more desirable when she saw someone else desired you.