A guy who is shy, insecure, and has low self-esteem ever since he was a child and never grew out of it once he becomes an adult, and he keeps being like this, what generally happens to a man like this when he gets older?

48 comments

  4. He “settles”. He settles for the first woman that wants marriage. He settles for the first job that treats him decent. He settles for what ever life gives him because his personality doesn’t allow him to seek out better choices. Maybe his life will, by happenstance, turn out good. They usually end up unhappy, unless they have a good family and/or good friends to support them emotionally.

  5. Married to a fat shrew, living a life of quiet desperation, while he gets henpecked to death.

  6. I had and still have low confidence. I’m married, I have a good job, and I think good life. But I don’t let my lack of confidence hold me back. I fake it alot I’m quiet and shy alot but I pay attention also.

    Confidence doesn’t dicate how your life will end up. Its actions. You can be scared to do something but the more you try you’ll build your confidence up. And then trying and succeeding or failing becomes easier.

  7. Not confident? Fake it until you become it. Volunteer, help others, educate yourself, become self aware, and seek ways to build your self esteem. No more of these questions to get shitty answers you don’t need to hear. Create your own reality!

  9. I was very much fitting that description a year ago. I did what everyone here on reddit likes to tout; exercise, dieting, and find a hobby.

    Being a year on, I look and feel the best I ever have…physically. Mentally, the exercise hasn’t helped with the social anxiety issues, but did help a bit with self image. That being the case, I’m going to finally do the only other thing people on reddit tout; I signed up for therapy.

    I’m really, really hoping the combination of the two finally put an end to my brain always wanting me to be miserable instead of just live life.

  10. Probably depends on how much he gets done before he reaches his limits. Some will be more successful, some will fall through the cracks and end up in bad situations they don’t have the skills or confidence to escape. I’m one of the latter and it’s not a good time.

    Whether or not they can make it work depends on if they have a stable enough base to make it day to day or if they’re so shy and insecure they shut down and float their way through life.

  11. well, I’m currently 24, and every work day feels like an emotional vacuum. I’m constantly tired, and try to avoid social environments. Never been in a relationship, not holding out hope.

    I now pay mortgage on a house I co-own with my mom and also share a car insurance policy so I’m kinda stuck living with her.

    The idea of people having a downfall after peaking in high school or whatever is a lie, it doesn’t get better. It has to be made to be better.

  14. Has their desk moved downstairs to storage room B, has their stapler stolen, and has to work Saturday with a Sunday shift on top. Thaaanks

  15. This is actually where narcissism comes from, insecurity and no self esteem. They usually look for caretakers in relationships to do for them and they can offload their shame onto.

    Narcissism doesn’t work like I thought it did, but I read a book “why is it always about you” and found out some interesting stuff.

  16. I’m 27, still live with my parents, never had an actual job apart from college trainee positions and family business, never had a date or even a first kiss. 3 failed college attempts and no professional future. My life is basically work, watching stuff online, porn and gym. I don’t think I’ll go past my 30s.

    I presume people like that in worse places in life to be way worse than me, since I still had an easy life due to my parents.

  18. Therapy.

    Judging by your post history, I’d recommend it, cuz I suspect there’s A LOT more to unpack than just confidence/self-esteem issues.

  19. Fairly successful due to being careful and such, but more and more terrified of falling the higher he climbs and the more people depend on him.

    Or so I’ve heard.

  21. I don’t want this to be me, but I’m afraid it will be, I’m trying my best to improve but through my insecurities it’s never good enough. And as for self esteem it’s just been crushed in recent months, I’m travelling solo and have had zero attention from girls while all other guys around me are getting lucky, I’m being told I need to be more confident, but it’s hard when I’ve got nothing to feel confident about. It probably sounds shitty, but for at least for a little while I want to be a fuck boy, but just my luck I won’t get what I want.

  24. They either build their confidence and improve or they stagnate as more and more people walk all over them untill they get bitter and angry. Then the bad stuff starts.

  27. one of them became president who banged a porn star and inspired an insurrection so you know.. the sky’s the limit

  29. Sometimes outwardly on the top, sometimes on the bottom, but still, always second guessing one’s self.

  30. If he can see it clearly and face up to it all he can become a new man, better man, improved man, different man. Change is beautiful.

    Lack of confidence can stem from external criticism, the people that pull you down can be, should be tuned out.

  31. Some of them end up in places like gyms to improve their physique, end up working hard to improve their wealth/ increase their assets, , working on their emotional issues, taking actions of different kinds, all of which eventually adds up to better mental, physical health and in turn boosts their confidence and overall happiness in life.

  32. 1) super successful (cos u brute forced yourself to have a successful career and super aggressive to make up for your low esteem issues) With a midlife crisis !

    2) super successful cos you grew and evolved

    3) dead end job & resentful

  35. If he gets into a relationship he’ll likely be a serial cheater. Sadly I dated a man in his late 50s who was still insecure and he was desperate for female validation…I think he has/had mommy issues.
    Or perhaps suppressed depression which might lead to suicide.

    Seek help.

  36. he gets used like a doormat by everyone especially girls. if he’s lucky , and if he has a good heart, a good kind hearted girl with confidence will see this and take the lead with them into getting together.

  39. In my case I hid it in a flurry of substance abuse for a long time and then ended up even more broken than before. Depression and suicidal ideation are a constant companion with the occasional visit from imposter syndrome but otherwise having a pretty decent life.

  40. He ends up alone working a dead end job. Lots of video games, movies, books to fill time when not working.

  42. Confidence isn’t a personality trait but rather a choice. That is, in any given situation you can choose to exercise confidence.

    If a man rarely exercises confidence then he will end up with the breadcrumbs of the spoils of life.

  44. it’s not a good place, but all you need to shed is the low confidence. being shy is whatever, so many people are shy especially with the internet being so prominent. but you should always believe in yourself and your abilities. if you feel like you have none, work to better yourself and acquire some real world knowledge and experience. make some mistakes. embrace failure and learn along the way. no challenge is too great for you.

  47. Usually raising some other man’s kid while being degraded by some low value female.

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