hello everyone. I 38M have been seeing a 38F for roughly 2 months, about 8 dates now (we only see each other once a week but text daily). Early on we both communicated that we were also dating other people.
Last week we had sex for the first time, and this week she’s asked me to double date with her friends.
This is new to me – I usually date monogamously so the question of exclusivity or even making a title isn’t something I usually think about.
In this case, I’m trying to keep it casual and not rush anything. If we’re entering the meeting friends space, do we need to talk about our dating status? or should I assume that she’s heading towards monogamy?
14 comments
I think this is a classic “you’d need to ask her” situation. I personally only introduce serious dates to friends, but everyone is different.
Having sex and meeting friends deserves a talk. Don’t make my mistake and have her assume it’s something solid, when you haven’t decided if you want to be exclusive yet. That just leads to frustration for both parties.
I wouldn’t assume that she’s heading towards monogamy automatically. 8 dates in 2 months is just one a week, that’s not very relationship-y. Are you in constant contact? Good morning texts, maybe phone calls, pics, snapchats?
If not, it doesn’t sound like you are near relationship territory yet. You’re taking it very slow. If you want to escalate things, hang out more, talk more, show interest. Then if she reciprocates that, talk monogamy.
I was recently dating a guy (similar – 8 dates / 2 months), and I initiated the exclusivity conversation with him in person. He ghosted me afterwards, which was extremely hurtful. We were clearly on different wave lengths & I wish I had brought it up WAY sooner.
Overall – I think enjoy spending time with her, and bring it up when it feels right to you. As a woman, I would welcome this convo from a guy, and if I were introducing you to my friends, it would definitely be a sign that I’m *very* interested and want to make sure they like you as much as I do. Good luck! 😊
If you are happy with the current status quo then you don’t need to do anything and I would just wait for her to bring up exclusivity. Double dating could just be introducing you to her friend, that’s all. And that’s a good sign. You should never bring up exclusivity if you’re not ready for it. But if she brings it up then you’ll need to talk about it, so just play it like you’ve been doing and wait for her to do that. Two months and 8 dates is usually a good time for that, though if it was going in that direction then I’d have expected you to be seeing each other more than twice a week at this stage.
Ask her, in a teasing tone, “are you trying to see if your friend approves of me?” Or something like that.
Don’t overthink it. It seems you’re wondering about it, so just have a casual conversation with her about after you meet her the next time.
Do you need to because you’ve had sex and you’re meeting friends? No
Whether you should or not simply depends on whether you’re ready to be exclusive in a committed relationship. Outside circumstances are irrelevant as to when this conversation should take place.
Exclusive talk isn’t important until you both are actually on the same page.
You are either in for the long haul or not.
I commend you both for dating each other despite the fact that you are also dating other people. I could never do it, nor would I date anyone who is dating multiple people.
Because of “dating multiple people”, I think after 8 dates you need to have a talk about exclusivity if that is what you would want. Otherwise, she’s dating other people, you are dating other people, it’s like a FWB situation or you are just filling time with each other.
I think you should get straight to the point. That will save you a lot of time.
just ask?
I like to be nerdy about it to lighten the mood.
I’ll breathe heavily, with light snorting, reveal only my front two teeth and a few up my face – then ask:
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
This works 100% of the time.