We repaired our 20+ year friendship after a fight when we were younger, and I recently told him after a number of years had passed that I struggled through domestic violence at the hands of someone else.
And finally came clean that this was why I pushed him away all those years ago.
He hasn’t really talked to me the last few days because of it and I’m 100% worried I’ve upset him.
I didn’t tell him anything other than this “Hey, remember those years we didn’t get along? It was because I suffered domestic violence. That was why I pushed you away. I didn’t know how to process what happened to me.”
TL;DR first love now won’t talk to me after opening up.
4 comments
He doesn’t sound like a true friend
He’s processing. You could send a message that says you realize it is heavy news and it was very vulnerable for you to share, but want to touch base. But I’ve been in that position where I do the emotional labor. Keep living life. You don’t have to manage his processing. It doesn’t say anything about your value but rather your bravery.
Leave him then it’s hard but then why should u share ur love if he doesn’t want it… Give it to someone else
PRO LIFE TIP: Your S.O. is not your therapist. They are not trained to handle your mental illness. If you dump heavy stuff on them they can get overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean you can’t discuss these things, but it does mean you need to stop expecting him to be unaffected by your trauma.
Trained professionals know how to handle hearing this stuff and often have their own therapist to help them process everything.
The ideal setting for working through past trauma is therapy and couples counseling.
Therapy and counseling are not just for “broken” people. Even healthy well adjusted people and relationships can benefit from it and learn healthy communication habbits and relationship maintenance.