tLDR My (34F) BF (34M) just cancelled coming over tonight bc his band mates got to practice too late.
Some background. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. We both work two jobs and we live about 45 minutes apart. We see each other about one or two nights a week. His two hobbies are tennis and a kind of “dad’s” band.
Our Thanksgiving plans fell through, so I got a turkey and some stuffing and we were going to cook tomorrow. We were supposed to spend time together Thanksgiving eve, but he scheduled band practice and assured me that he would be over after the practice.
When I talked to him around 8 o’clock, he said that he wouldn’t get there this evening because one of the band members just got in. It seems like pretty late notice to let me know that he wasn’t coming.
Another thing is that all of my family has passed away (my mother, my father, and my sister) so the holidays are pretty hard for me. He knows that. It just feels like the band is more of a priority than I am.
I am really supportive of his hobbies and have spent a lot my free time helping him in his job. Tonight, it just feels like he doesn’t understand how hard the holidays are for me, and how important it was to have him here for me.
In my past relationships, I’ve been a doormat in that I suppressed my own needs to make others happy. In this relationship, I really try to balance the two.
What should I do next?
I expressed my disappointment but he basically said “sorry.”
1 comment
>. Tonight, it just feels like he doesn’t understand how hard the holidays are for me, and how important it was to have him here for me.
What have you done to try to make this clear to him?
Because it’s possible that you’ve said this, and he’s blowing you off, which is one thing. But it’s also possible that he thought, “Oh, hey, just the two of us hanging out tonight so our plans don’t really matter that much, especially because we’re spending so much time together tomorrow.”
It’s important that before you get mad at someone for not meeting you needs that you make sure that you were clear about what your needs are. It’s unclear from your post if you did that.