So I am an American who is currently living in a different country and every year I cook a full thanksgiving dinner for family and friends. Now most people here have never had a true thanksgiving and only know of the holiday from American films and TV. This year I invited someone new to come and they offered to bring something (which I politely declined) and then they offered to give me money to help cover the cost (which I again declined).
I never experienced that before and while it didn’t bother me at all considering this is another culture, it got me thinking how I would react if it happened in America. So how about you, how would you feel if someone offered you money? And also how would you feel if a host asked you for money for their thanksgiving dinner?
22 comments
Money would be weird, but so are people. It’s standard to bring something to add to the meal, either appetizers or sides. And of course alcohol.
Offered? No. That’s a kind gesture.
Asked for? Yes, if you are hosting, you should not expect financial reimbursement.
I’ve never seen that before. I would never offer or accept money, but I wouldn’t take offense if someone offered to me.
Bothered or offended? No.
Misunderstood? Sure. I think some cultures are surprised at American generosity when they experience it.
I would not be bothered or offended of I were hosting and someone offered to contribute in whatever manner, but I would be perturbed if I were invited somewhere and the host(s) asked for money.
I wouldn’t take offense, but I certainly wouldn’t accept it. I feel like that kind of goes against the spirit of the holiday.
If I were hosting I’d just say no thanks, no need, it’s my pleasure to host you.
If a host asked me to bring a side dish I would be perfectly fine with that; I attended a Thanksgiving lunch that was designed like that this year.
If they asked for cash, I’d be uncomfortable. If I hadn’t agreed to come already, I’d just decline.
No I wouldn’t be offended nor would I accept the money.
I’ve been hosting my family every year for about 15years. I never expected a penny from friends or family, however I do encourage people to bring a bottle of wine or pick up ice. When my grandfather arrives he always gives me a couple/a few hundred bucks for hosting thanksgiving. I have always tried to refuse it, but he won’t have it. I’m done trying to refuse it (he’s rich, BTW). So I graciously accept it and give it to my husband (who actually paid for the groceries) and he gives it right back to me, lol. I usually give half to my little sister and half to my son.
If a host asked me for money, I would give it to them. I would then talk $hit about them and never go back over there.
Neither ask for, nor offer money. However, if a guest were to offer to bring a dish always accept with gratitude; to cook for someone is an honor as is to be offered another’s cooking. As a host I would consider it to be impolite to demand a guest bring something, and as a guest I would consider it rude to not offer to bring something if it is within your means.
I’d say no to money, but if you wanna bring something to eat go right ahead.
“And also how would you feel if a host asked you for money for their thanksgiving dinner?”–Unless the ‘host’ was an organization, I would be insulted and would probably rethink my relationship with the host.
No one has ever offered me money for my meals– I would find that rude because implicitly they’re treating me like hired help Which is why no one offers money, and instead gives gifts. If it were someone from another culture, I wouldn’t be offended, but I’d still firmly decline.
Last year a (non-American) hosted Thanksgiving and asked for $$ to cover costs. Everyone one else in the group (mostly Europeans) was fine with it, it tracks with other gatherings we’ve done.
But it really rubbed me the wrong way, I brought a side and an app and barely drank while I was there (which was probably a large % of the expense). I don’t think I was asked to contribute until after either, which I reallyyy didn’t like.
This year I hosted with a smaller subset of the same non-Americans and provided 85% of what we consumed. They asked us to let them know what they owed us and I waved it off. It’s just not how Thanksgiving works in my mind.
If someone offered me money, I wouldn’t be offended, but I’d turn it down. Thanksgiving just isn’t that kind of meal, IME. Whoever cooks pays for what they cook, especially since the cooking is usually split up between multiple people/families.
I would be pretty offended if someone asked me for money for Thanksgiving dinner unless they did so while we were planning who would cook, who would host, etc. If someone was like, “I’m happy to cook, but buying all the groceries isn’t in my budget, so I’d need a little help there,” then fine. I could either contribute financially or offer to do some of the cooking, etc. If they asked me *at Thanksgiving dinner,* though? Lol no.
It sounds like a cultural difference that maybe you could ask your friends about. I’d never expect or ask for compensation when I invite someone over to dinner, holiday or not.
I would not ask for money, but if they’re offering it then I sure as hell will never reject it. Feel free to pay me for the whole thing if you want, it’s the season for giving after all.
No, I wouldn’t be bothered or offended, and I’d politely accept. However, I’d NEVER ask. I spent about $200 on food for Thanksgiving this year (I hosted), and most guests brought food. I’d appreciate it if someone was willing to help out, whether with food or money, it’s expensive as hell to host!
You turned down someone bringing food to Thanksgiving? How un-American of you! 😯😯😯
I was one time invited to a dinner (I’m from the US and so is the host) and I offered to bring a dish, she declined and then asked that I bring money instead! I was pretty offended but I also couldn’t put my finger on exactly why it seemed so rude.
I wouldn’t be offended if someone offered money, but I’d decline.
Much more appropriate to offer to bring food or ask someone to bring food.
If someone offered money to me as a host: I would decline. If an American did this I would find it very strange, if a non-American did this I would just chalk it up to different manners. Not offensive in either case though.
Asked for money: I would find this very rude, a host should not ask guests for money.
I’d think it was really sweet if they offered. That means they thought of the expense, time, and effort you must have put into this meal. I also would have declined though.