My dad is 71 years old and we have a good relationship. Despite him enjoying enviable professional and personal success, he is profoundly sensitive to almost all feedback. His own dad was an extremely dissaproving parent so any perceived criticism is triggering for him.
Over the last few years, he has developed a habit/tic that he doesn’t appear to be aware of. When saliva accumulates in his mouth (as it does for all of us), he aggressively sucks air in across his teeth in what seems like an attempt to create to suck up all the saliva before swallowing it.
He does this every few minutes and the sound is awful. It’s a combination of a hissing noise with the moist gurgle of saliva.
We’re only together 10-15 days a year and I find it terribly annoying, as does my wife. I assume his friends and other loved ones notice it and are similarly off-put.
I think he would benefit from being told about this habit, and it would certainly help my wife and me enjoy our time with him more. But, as I’ve mentioned, he is very defensive and bringing this to his attention, even in the most gentle manner, while cause a scene. He is NOT violent or abusive, but his feelings would be hurt, he’d feel shame and he’d get sullen and withdrawn and accuse me of picking on him. It would be ugly, I promise.
Any suggestions on how to deliver delicate cut important feedback to someone who has never shown a willingness to receiving it?
Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving.
1 comment
Rather than try and second guess the reason behind your father’s habit, I would suggest you persuade him to go see his doctor for a full mot check up and there is medication that can be taken to dry up saliva, however this should be prescribed and monitored by a health care professional.