I actually posted this update before but idk it was deleted without any reasons. So reposting this again.

The original post

I(26M) found out that my GF(26F) was an Adult video actress and it made things really complicated. from relationship_advice

I am genuinely sorry for my reaction. I acted in a way I believed to be right. No I’m not justifying my actions after I left the room, when i could clearly hear crying. I was not thinking it with a clear mind but now i do. No matter what we do afterwards, but that was not supposed to be the way, i should treat her after she trusted me with such information of her life and I realise that and genuinely I’m very ashamed of myself. I’m not usually a man like this, thank you everyone and i hope you all can forgive me.

I’m also sorry for “i don’t know why I’m feeling guilty, when it should be her feeling it”. I’m honestly not proud of the line i said. I now understand what she meant, when she said she trust me. She wanted support, care and love from me after she shared her past and I reacted completely opposite of it.

There was a comment of a lady who also lost her whole family very early, if you are reading this i thank you so much. I was just saying she has gone through a lot but i never really understood it. She was 21 when shot the videos and I didn’t know her situation at that time, so its not right to judge someone who’s had completely opposite childhood from me. I never had any problems growing up, i was provided every thing i needed, so obviously i was not able to relate with it and act accordingly. Again I’m not justifying my mistakes.

So we talked after work. And it went well. I’m not going with every detail of the talk. She was hurt, her eyes say it. I apologised and explained everything. She broke down after that but this time i was there to hug her and to tell her that it was her past and I’m okay with it. I love her for the person she is now and the fact that she opened up to me out of all the people she’s been with shows how much she trust me and I’ll not betray her trust again. We talked more after that, I confessed to her that it was a little uncomfortable after watching the videos but there’s so much more good memories that we made with each other. The way she reacted to the situation shows her maturity and patience again. I am truly lucky. And yes, she expected a better reaction but she also knew the possibility that I would react differently. Well the good news is that we are now on the same page, and she has forgiven me. Although, I’m still ashamed of myself to hurt this beautiful women. After that we cuddled and we both were laughing. So i think it went well. Now I’m in the bed beside her writing this, she’s asleep, she had gone through a lot today so probably she should take a nice nap.

We got up and had dinner. I thought of posting it an hour ago but i think there are some comments on the last post that i want to clarify:

1) NO, she didn’t enjoy that part of her life. She is completely a different person now. I also found out that she went to therapy after that. She has no social media, she likes a simple life and that’s one of the reason i fell for her. She is a very real person.

2) Yeah we both understand that 8 months is a very small time to decide marriage and all. But one of the things we decided to have is an early family. She loves children and is very good handling them. I know she will be a good mother. Please understand that we are not rushing things here, we are in a good position financially so we thought about it. But there’s a lot to discuss about this.

3) And yes we will be going to therapy.

4) There were a lot of Dm’s after the last post and more than half of it are asking her stage name and similar things. Many actually wrote really disgusting things. Think about your life losers. Well again it doesn’t even matter.

Apart from the hate, i also got some really good advice and I genuinely want to you all. It’s funny that how a bunch of strangers actually help you to realise things. Thank you everyone.
(Last post was removed but it was preserved or something like that, im not very familiar with Reddit. So if this post gets removed too, you can find both the post on my profile, it will be there and i wont delete it, have a nice one)

20 comments

  2. It is nice that you are being understanding of her past and what she has gone through. I think the fact that she didn’t tell you about this for 8 months while you’re thinking of even proposing to her is concerning. I think your reaction was kind of understandable honestly that far into the relationship and considering how deep your feelings and intentions for her were; she blindsided you. It is good you are working things out but I would really hold off on rushing into marrying and starting a family with someone who holds a secret like this (while kind of knowing the impact it would have). Take time getting to know each other more and build trust before you make these big commitments to someone you haven’t known for that long and that kept a potentially relationship changing secret from you for that entire time.

  4. OP you don’t have to apologize for shit, how you initially felt is how you felt. How does this change her hiding this from you knowing you would never have continued the relationship or your close friends and family finding out?

  6. I didn’t read your first post but this consistently apologetic, backtracking update pretty clearly says that you’re *not* actually okay with it…

  9. From what I gather, you aren’t okay with it, but a combination of your love for her and social pressure makes you want to stay.

    She needs therapy for her past. And you need therapy for yourself.

  10. how funny. my moms maiden name was the same as a famous porn star back in the day. I side eyed my mom til I saw pics but I was a dumbass teen.

  11. Glad to see you two were able to talk about it. I saw the last post and was really wondering how you were gonna handle it. Best of luck moving forward.

  12. Good luck OP, nobody’s opinion here matters but your own. If this is something you can look past, then I wish you luck.

    Only thing I’ll say is don’t be fooled that this is something you will be able to accept after a day or two. This is something you will have to put a lot of work into in order to get to a comfortable place mentally. Maybe try therapy for yourself. Don’t get complacent with it, and you should be alright.

  13. Youre making a mistake you clearly aren’t okay with it and are just staying with her due to love and guilt break up with her now while you dont have kids or marriage cause once you do that it’s gonna hurt her alot more if you decide to do it then

  15. OP’s son 16 years from now: Dad why is there a video of mom getting gangbanged.??? My friends are making fun of me.

    OP: 😎😎😎

  17. Although I value all of your important concerns, I am confident in my abilities. I gave it some thought and did what I felt was right; I’m pleased with the outcome. I’m aware that it will always be available online and that anyone attempting to discover it will be able to do so, but that doesn’t mean I will be frightened to act in accordance with what is right, what I want, and what we both desire.

  18. I read your original post, and now this one. Break up with her dude. You are gaslighting yourself into thinking you are ok with it when you clearly aren’t. This isn’t going to work man.

  19. right or wrong you’re allowed to react. from the way to post reads you didn’t berate her or tear her down. you took a walk to figure things out. you also apologize too much and it looks like you’re doing it due social pressure. if she knew there might be blowback by possibly telling you then she was probably expecting that. The internet is forever and you’ve managed to back yourself into a corner emotionally and feel guilty for The way you responded. You’re allowed to have an opinion and you’re allowed to have confidence and a set of beliefs.
    her upbringing is tragic.
    going out that morning to view the videos was not a very good idea. what’s worse is now you’ve seen images you wish you never saw and have a hard time forgetting.
    She needs therapy and if you’re having trouble but want to maintain a relationship and a future with her, you’ll need therapy too.

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