Hubby (30M) and I (27F) have been together for 8 years, married for 2.
To spare you all a long story on the falling out and the moment I realized it was over, I realized over time that we were growing in opposite directions and had different values/beliefs. It just kind of happened and it got to the point where we regularly can’t have conversations over 5 mins cause I feel like I lose an IQ point talking to him.
Tired of living like this, I had talked to him in August of this year and told him how unhappy I was and was over the marriage . I want a divorce because the worst version of me is brought out in his presence and sometimes I just want to shove a fork in my eyes when I’m with him. I don’t deserve to feel like shit, he definitely doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit because I’m unhappy
He begged me to stay. We cried together and held each other. He promised he would start working on himself and the whole 9.
Well it’s almost 4 months since that talk. I can’t stand him more than ever. I think he’s the most uninteresting and boring person to be around. I miss having a human connection and someone to have deep conversations with.
I. Want. Out….
I’m looking for some support and logical next steps. Sucks to want to end a long relationship but I just cant emotionally go on..
Should I see a lawyer first? Or talk to my husband tell him I’m done? Maybe give couples therapy a shot and lay it out there?
Tdlr: I asked for a divorce and was convinced to stay. It’s been 3 months and I’m confident I want out. What are my next steps?
5 comments
I would try Marriage Counseling before you do anything. You married him for a reason and maybe you can get back there. I would sit him down and tell him that things have not improved and you want to try MC to see if things will change.
I’d do marriage counseling and lay out your feelings there. A marriage counselor could help you sort out your feelings and understand them and make suggestions on how you guys can repair your issues. I think merely for the fact that you’re questioning whether divorce is or isn’t the right option you should exhaust all other options until you know for sure that it is the only option.
Contemp is the [number one predictor of a failed marriage](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/). It really doesn’t sound as if you have any positive feelings for your husband at all and I wonder why you married someone you think so little of in the first place. Your best bet at this point is to go see a lawyer and start the divorce process. Then, apply some introspection and figure out how you made such a poor choice for yourself. Don’t get into another relationship until you figure this out. People aren’t toys or bit players in your life. You’ve hurt and damaged another human being. Don’t do this again.
Ignore what everyone is saying about counseling, it’s not even the question you asked. For this logical by the book advice, try searching “divorce” in r/legaladvice people link a lot of websites/guides and break down the steps for people who aren’t versed in law. You could also post your questions and easily get straight answers.
What do you mean the worst version of yourself?