So I’m in college, with more men in my class then women (STEM) and I’ve read that men rarely receive compliments and that you can make their day by giving them one. I’ve started doing that from time to time („Your lab coat really suits you, man!“ or „Did you get a new haircut? It looks awesome.“) and they become like super awkward, they smile and utter a „Thanks I guess“ and sometimes run off. One of the guys in my class even kinda started avoiding eye contact with me and I’m left wondering if it’s because I’m actually pretty ugly/unattractive and don’t care about receiving compliments from ugly women. I don’t want to make them uncomfortable so I’m thinking about keeping these positive thoughts to myself again.
So, would you care if the compliment given to you was said by a short, overweight, nerdy and kinda weird girl or is it just me being self conscious?
16 comments
Oh it’s not that, it’s that they receive compliments so rarely that they don’t know what to say to them when it happens. They might also get the wrong idea very easily and think you’re flirting.
My go to compliment is ‘you seem really well at the moment’ as it avoids any confusion and is a nice thing to hear. Try using compliments that are vague when talking about physical appearance, or focus on other things.
For example, you seem particularly kind and that’s a really nice thing to see.
We’re not used to it so we can get awkward. We will remember a compliment for years. Just be careful. Some dudes can get weird and take a nice compliment as flirting
If the compliment seems flirty, I would be a bit weirded out too. You’re also not a complete stranger, since those guys will be in the same classes a lot. I love what you’re trying to do though, maybe it’d be better to encourage your close male friends to compliment other men more, while you compliment more women. That would rarely come across as flirty but more as being nice.
I don’t care about being complimented in general, so looks, by extension, don’t matter either.
It’s just odd to receive compliments and maybe suspicious if there just to compliment without a solid reason.
You would probably get a great response if it was for a task that they did great on.
It’s just alien for guys and people handle it in their own way, the same way we handle belittling and insults in our own way.
Also, women complimenting men sends off alarm bells in their head because the only time they get them is when a girl is super interested so it just catches them off guard or sometimes it doesn’t seem sincere. I used to take compliments as sarcasm and get hurt by them because that’s how it was for me in school and it carried over as an adult.
Another aspect not yet mentioned is your enthusiasm and approach, when giving these compliments will directly effect how they are perceived. If, by chance, you come across as flirty, then that lessens the weight of the compliment. Someone that’s into you is going to say nice things, so they must be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately, if you have been overly exuberant, without meaning to, and this has occurred with a variety of individuals, they may think you are hunting for a partner. Men do talk. How you go forward is, of course, up to you. And, I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself if this has happened, as it was done with nothing but good intentions and it’s their perception that is causing the issues. But, you may need to rethink how or if you want to continue to go about this. I applaud you for trying to be a bright spot, in an otherwise gray world. You seem like an absolutely lovely person. Stay safe and good luck…..
if you are just complimenting me then no i love them from everyone. If you are being creepy and trying to pull up on me and i am making it clear i do not want anything to do with you ehhhhhhhh
Yes, they must be 5’2” 100 lbs with DD boobs and be very pretty or its not a real complement.
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Former STEM student from a long time ago. I’ll gladly take compliments from anyone, as long as it doesn’t feel fake.
That said you inevitably come across as ambiguously flirting. So if you’re as unattractive as you seem to think you are, you’re probably making them wonder if this going to become a regular thing and if they’re going to have to reject you. Or maybe some of them would be interested but are left wondering if you’re in fact flirting or it’s just wishful thinking.
Either way, you’re creating a highly unusual situation that falls off their usual social flowchart, the reaction is going to look awkward.
No.
I take all compliments, don’t care what they look like, don’t care what they got going on between their legs. Being genuinely nice is a good thing .
I would be happy, but I would interpret it as flirting or something. So if I’m not into you I would probably keep my distances a bit because I wouldn’t want to give you the wrong idea.
Short, overweight, nerdy and kinda weird girl? I’ve been attracted to many girls/women who would describe themselves as that.
If I noticed you’re doing it fairly constantly with everyone, it would likely both lessen the hope that you are “flirting with a purpose” (negative for me) and also lessen my belief than the compliment is sincere (likely a negative for you).
Depends upon the compliment.
In a university setting, a compliment on my understanding or application of knowledge will be more impactful from a professor regardless of their fuckability. Meanwhile, a compliment of my fuckability from someone interested in fucking me, well, a lot of the value comes from my view of how fuckable the compliment-giver is.
I think a real answer is yes, it matters. If a man was complimented by the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, obviously he’s going to cream his pants. Same goes for women and attractive men.
That said, it’s not like a less attractive girl’s compliment isn’t valuable at all. It’s still appreciated. Unless the guy receives a lot of compliments already, but he shouldn’t act like a douche about it.