I (20F, him 19M) and I haven’t been dating for the longest while. Maybe about 4 months? Things have been absolutely perfect with some few exceptions at the beginning but we patched through. He has always been very interested in me and even immediately introduced me to his parents which I didn’t mind since were both living at home currently. Everyone in his family loved me and the few he has met in my family have absolutely adored him. We made sure to see each other multiple times a week but tried for at least 1 time a week since I have college and he has his own work stuff that he does. It worked well since we’ve known each other for about 4-5 years.
Recently in the past few weeks he started avoiding me and not texting me anymore. It took a bit to get it out of him but there were some things on his mind and we had a talk about some things we’d like eachother to work on. For me I can kind of tend to dominate a conversation at times and I understand that as well as he doesn’t like affection when he’s trying to focus on something because his mind can’t focus on the multiple sensations at once. That one was confusing but I understand. My biggest issues were when he was talking about these two issues. He compared me to his abusive ex which is very upsetting to me. Especially when I would never hurt him and he knows that I would never hurt him. As well as I understand not wanting me to touch him when he’s focusing but from me that comes from a place of love and not to try and hurt him. To me it’s just a very innocent thing.
I talked with him about his problems of barely communicating as well as just needing clearer communication. And just initiating more for things. I’m giving it time to make an improvement. He still says he wants to work on our relationship and stay together but so far he hasn’t tried but I want to give it a few more days. I really don’t want to lose him. He’s the first person I’ve been open with and more willing to love since my first love who I broke up with back in April. I broke up with him for being extremely immature and just choosing video games over everything in his life including me, his family, schoolwork. And this guy I’m currently with is younger but seemed a lot more mature but with how he’s acting about everything I’m not so sure.
1 comment
I understand why you’re worried, but your relationship is new and you’re also both pretty young. You have growing to do as individuals and people in a relationship. I think this is normal. There are peaks and valleys in any relationship.
I get why you’re upset about him comparing you to his ex and the affection thing. I think you could tell him how this made you feel bad and why you prefer not to be compared to her. But, something innocent can still have a negative effect on someone and you have to accommodate their needs. It seems you have to work on being more patient in those moments and a better listener. You both just need space and time to work on these things. Maybe have a talk about what behaviors could help you both in the future when these issues occur.