Fairly long, so I do apologize. Excuse the errors as I’m also writing this on my iPhone.
Currently 37 years old. I’m a first year surgical resident in a very competitive field. It took me almost a decade to get into this field due to procrastination and not fully applying myself early on in life. I absolutely hate that I didn’t take advantage of my 20s properly with respect to education, & it took me so long to get to where I am; on the contrary, where most people who specialize in this field are in their 20s. My co-residents are all 10-11 years younger than me!
I can’t help but blame myself for the poor life choices I made. Instead of putting the work in, I was out partying and not applying myself. I got into bad relationships with women, took advantage of my parents, and just kept hitting rock bottom; whereas my colleagues were all moving forward.
I can’t help but think that I won’t be done with my training until the age of 42, whereas most people will finish at 33-35.
I also realized how im at the next phase of my life. All my credit cards are at a new zip code & not for the house which I grew up in with my parents. Weird feeling having that as my comfort zone and now it’s not. Put into perspective how close I am to my family & losing that bond because of 5 little numbers just scares & horrifies me so damn much.
I talk to my parents everyday, but I see that I am now becoming the parent and will be taking care of a child soon, & want to be the same type of parent they were for me.
3 comments
Take a step back and look at the degree of your “catastrophizing” and helpless language:
* “I absolutely hate”
* “took me so long”
* “I can’t help but blame myself”
* “I can’t help but think”
* “losing that bond because of 5 little numbers”
* “scares & horrifies me so damn much.”
Yikes. And yet here is another narrative with the same facts and a bit different interpretation:
> Currently 37 years old. I’m a first year surgical resident in a very competitive field. Very few people in the history of humankind will ever be able to achieve what I have achieved. In fact, most educated people wouldn’t even be able to do what I can do. When I am done with my training, I’ll command a very high salary that will insure my and my loved ones’ financial security and luxury for life, have the respect of my family and community of peers and co-workers, help save lives and give people their functionality back, and relieve the suffering of people and those that loved them and whose hearts break for them.
> I also realized how, as an autonomous adult man, my credit cards are addressed to where I have chosen to live. I talk to my parents everyday and I know I am so fortunate to be this emotionally close with my family, and I look forward to exploring that bond in the years to come as I grow as a man, as a professional, and as a father–and have the wealth to be able to have opportunities to share time and special experiences with my entire loving family.
37 isn’t old and neither is 42.
You are so young. Don’t look back as there is no point.
Move forward. All the best.