We’ve only spent 4 weeks in person since we are from different states. Early on I already began feeling he was not as consistent as I would need. He blamed it on knowing we were going to be apart and at the time choosing his career to focus on.
We tried to be long-distance a few times over the last 6 months, but I always ended up feeling like he could not meet my needs and broke up. The saddest part of it all is we truly love each other, deeply. But every time I’m back in this relationship I am a nervous wreck and can’t do anything else in my life properly. His inconsistency triggers me, he feels its all distance-related but I’m not sure. I had had relationships before where I don’t feel anxious. It feels like he would be emotionally there for a few days, and then distant for a few other days, and I hated it.
We broke up a month ago, but we just spoke again, he is willing to move to my city, in February, but he wants to come to spend December with me. Should I let him visit and give him one last chance? I want to but it makes me extremely anxious, and since we have talked about this I am feeling like its not the right thing to do. I feel like I’ve begun to heal from the breakup and to some extent, this feels like opening up the wound again. However will I regret not giving it a chance, or will he just hurt me again?
TLDR: complicated long-distance relationship with a few breakups, we broke up a month ago but are considering meeting one last time for the last shot. Should I let him come even if it makes me extremely anxious?
6 comments
Are you generally an anxious person or just with this guy?
No, I think you should continue healing and not reopen that wound. You had a feeling something was off from nearly the very beginning, in my experience that’s usually because something is a bit off, and the only thing to be gained by exploring this further is to figure out exactly why you have a bad feeling about him. It’s not a good idea, your gut doesn’t feel safe with him and you have been OK in other relationships, I think you should trust your gut and not meet up.
No he is content and focusing on his goals which is good, I personally do not partake in long distance relationships because I enjoy the connection that comes with being consistently close to one another. You however are not content and are hurting your own healing progress by continuing to put yourself back into the situation. I understand loving one another I had my own experience with this man i went to highschool with and that is why we settled for flirting here and there when we were single and just staying in contact as friends now since he lives states away now. The love is always still there but it’s better to not damage yourself in the process. You should take this time to reflect on what you need and want, do things you want to do everyday and eventually you will either be in a better mindset to handle that kind of relationship one day or realize, like me, that long distance relationships just aren’t your thing.
Dear OP, I am in a long-distance relationship – together 5 years, married 1.5 years. It is hard, has its challenges as well as thrills, but I’ve never felt the type of anxiety you are describing. fFrom the beggining me and my husband were on the same page – regular communication, consistency and reassuring your oartner is the key.
So I think that the problem is not the distance, but your ex and in that case, it is better to move on 🙏🏻
Good luck to you ❤️
Oh gosh no, I think you need to move on and let yourself heal from this. It will be much more traumatic in the long run if you take him back and it continues to be just as bad as it has proven to be long distance. Like you said yourself, long distance is possible to do without being anxious all the time. He could have helped ease your anxiety, but instead he just… didn’t care. Thats still how he will be when he’s close, it will just present differently.
Don’t drink poison just because your thirsty