Perhaps I don’t understand this and so I’m one of the people who does in fact take themselves too seriously, but, what does it mean?
I see it on a lot of men’s OLD profiles and I get irrationally annoyed by it each time. I’ve probably spent too long and Reddit and interpret as “laugh at all of my shit jokes about you belonging in the kitchen and forgive me when you get offended and I say ‘It was only a joke’ “
What’s an example of someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously?
Is it just being a goof and being able to laugh at yourself?
37 comments
It’s supposed to be off-putting for certain types of people. That’s the idea, to filter out the type.
It’s vague enough to be functionally meaningless when viewed at a macro level.
It’s not just a ‘women who don’t take themselves too seriously’ it’s on girls profiles for guys as well.
Near as I can tell from the dozen or so that I’ve talked to; ‘taking yourself too seriously’ is like a buzzword for anything that isn’t a ‘fun’ subject to talk about/do etc.
“I want to succeed in my career” you’re taking yourself too seriously
“I want to save for a house” you’re taking yourself too seriously (unless they want to as well in which case it’s now ok)
And my cynical brain has catalogued those sorts of things in the “stupid shit people say but have no idea of what it means in reality” basket.
Yeah, for me it’s being able to laugh at yourself, being able to roll with the punches and not taking every setback as the end of the world.
I don’t take myself too seriously when it comes to certain things. If I faceplant in public or shit myself, I will laugh at it.
But I can not stand a dude who is constantly picking at me and making degrading “jokes”. Then I’m out.
I’ve had too many guys who basically just said passive aggressive comments and then got mad I didn’t think it was funny. If it’s not funny, maybe learn better jokes? I hate people who think you can label anything as a joke and then act abusive about it. Jokes are hard to make since they are meant to be funny.
I wouldn’t put a negative like that in my profile and it probably has different meanings to people. That sentiment to me is someone who can be goofy/silly, and isn’t totally absorbed in their public image.
I interpret it as ranging from being fun-loving to not having a lot of preferences and in worst case scenarios, to preferring others without strong boundaries. I second-guess matching with someone who has that phrase on their profile.
it means be a chill girl who has no needs or standards and won’t hold them accountable for their actions
Too me, it means being able to have fun and not get irritated or angry when things don’t always go your or our way. Some people just can’t handle disappointment or failure. I’m past that part of my life.
If it’s useful for you to know, in my experience it is the #1 most common prompt response for women’s profiles as well.
I think it means “I am bad at coming up with anything original to say about myself or what I am looking for.”
Honestly if you are getting irrationally annoyed by seeing it then you are likely the kind of person they want to filter out.
To me this doesn’t mean anything about laughing at shit jokes at your expense but it does mean be able to laugh at yourself and go through life willing to embrace the humor and absurdity in it.
Another way to look at it is them saying a sense of humor is not optional.
The responses to this are crazy…
To me, yeah it just means having a sense of humor about yourself, being able to laugh at yourself, able to be self-deprecating, etc.
I’ve actually included this in my dating profile, and I guess now I understand how it can be misinterpreted!! I see it as being able to see the humour in things, and not taking everything personally. Being able to be silly, that kind of thing. I want to be with someone fun.
I DESPISE this phrase!! I read it exactly the same as you OP.
Or “you’d better never try and discuss any issues in our relationship”.
I’m sure plenty of guys don’t mean it that way but I’m not taking the risk so I left swipe.
i feel like saying “i’m looking for someone with a sense of humor” comes across very differently than specifically looking for “women who don’t take themselves too seriously.” it also rubs me the wrong way.
Being able to laugh at oneself is important. Also being able to recognize the latent silliness in most of our day-to-day activities. This doesn’t preclude having serious conversations, its just recognizing that not everything requires one.
I have a hard time articulating another side of it, but here it goes: I’ve noticed a trend, online at least, that some people try to find the least reasonable interpretation of a statement or a position, and then get angry about it. An example might be if someone said “I prefer the company dogs”, and the response would be “Wait, why do you hate cats? What kind of a monster are you?” Its a silly example, but I’m sure you know someone like that. Not taking oneself too seriously is *not* doing that.
This phrase, as well as, “no drama” and “positive vibes only” are immediate deal breakers for me. Being able to genuinely positively look at life is wonderful, but life is hard and hard conversations need to happen and room needs to be made for healthy processing of anger, sadness, and fear. People get very unwell and genuine relationships do not thrive in these unnatural environments where anyone of any gender is pressured to act a way that is inauthentic to who they truly are or how they may feel in a given moment.
Some people might do okay with this type of living, I don’t. Sometimes seriousness is needed and sometimes it’s best to just move on.
It could mean women who do not have or do not enforce their boundaries.
Usually when I see this from women I assume they’re going to be mean to me and then make it my fault when I get annoyed.
If I had to just define how it feels in my head when I hear “a woman who takes herself too seriously” I think of people who have these somewhat extreme and exacting requirements for dating and life (from my perspective) – like “you *must* contact me first after the date or you’re not treating me right/not a decent man” or “someone at work said [something fairly innocuous] and I can’t believe they’re treating me like that, I need a new job”
like…rigid in their interpretations I guess?
To me, it’s having self-irony (mostly a British trait though), being relaxed and not taking everything as an attack, also not trying to prove yourself right all the time like it’s life or death. That’s what I am myself so I do value these qualities in people. I’d never use “don’t take yourself too seriously” as a disguise for “be okay with berating”. But I learned that people can interpret it exactly this way so next time I’m filling my profile I don’t really know how to word it properly.
Ive experience it to mean they have a mean “sense of humour ” and will use the phrase “its just a joke , calm down” when you get mad at hurtful comments.
Though it might mean they want someone kinda goofy and daft.
I don’t take myself seriously at all and I can’t imagine being with someone who does.
It’s a general outlook on life- understanding you aren’t the main character, your life generally is pretty meaningless and ordinary, being able to roll with whatever comes up, not being too serious about things that come up, being able to laugh at absurdity, flexible, open to try new things, etc
If I were using that in a profile to me it would mean- not uptight. Able to have a good time and not high maintenance.
I would say someone (be they male or female) who doesn’t take themselves too seriously means someone who can take a joke, make a joke and is generally easy going 🙂
After some contemplating, I thought, there are people who take themselves too seriously, and there are people who are judgmental and “always right”. And these two groups overlap big time. And I can’t really stand judgmental people. So filtering out those who take themselves too seriously also helps to filter out the kind of people I don’t want to have in my life.
The irony here is that this whole thread is the definition of taking something too seriously. That phrase from my (31M) perspective is a bit of profile filler seen on both men and women’s profiles that’s mostly meaningless apart from projecting lightheartedness.
It’s along the same lines as “down to earth,” an equally empty filler phrase. Don’t take it too seriously 😉
This is great example of why dating especially online is so hard. A simple saying is being interpreted 25 different ways. Some here say that saying alone in a profile is enough to determine there is NO possibility that person can be a future partner while others relate easily with it.
For me the simplest explanation is someone who
“actively seeks the humor or levity in situations that are beyond their control”
I know I want that in a partner. How about you?
Someone who doesn’t take themself too seriously is important to me in a partner. I take it to mean as someone who can laugh at himself and not be super high strung and self-critical. Someone who asks himself “is this worth losing sleep over or will it not matter at all in 5 years?”
Edit: that being said, you know 100% that some toxic people just want to say mean shit and not have to face any consequences. Anything can be twisted into something negative unfortunately
It’s coded language, guy’s got a clown fetish.
I take it to mean that they can forgive themselves, they’re resilient in everyday disappointments, and they aren’t letting their image get in the way of their happiness.
It probably means different things to different guys, so if you match with somebody whose profile includes that phrase, maybe ask them what they mean before ruling them out.
I feel that people interpret that phrase differently. Some interpret it as someone who can laugh things off and is not overly concerned about maintaining a pristine public image. On the other hand, some people who like to treat others like crap as a “joke” use that phrase too. The phrase doesn’t bother me at all though. I swipe on guys who have that on their profile and if we match I judge them based on other things they say, not solely on the fact that they put that in their profile. A lot of people just don’t know how to phrase exactly what they mean.
This country is filled with people who drink bleach and take horse medicine to cure COVID. Don’t expect them to ponder the semantics of the shit they put into their dating profile. Maybe they want a passive punching bag to not talk back to their borderline verbal abuse, or maybe they want someone who likes to do keg stands.
>Perhaps I don’t understand this and so I’m one of the people who does in fact take themselves too seriously, but, what does it mean?
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When I refer to people who don’t take themselves too seriously, I mean people who are able to just relax and unwind more often than not, are happy to switch off, and aren’t in a seemingly analytical mode most of the time. As you said, being a goof, and being able to laugh at yourself when it’s warranted. But I think the term itself has been co-opted by the type of people you’ve described in your post, the “feminism is ruining the world” type of person, and the “it’s just a joke” after saying something horrifically racist, sexist, or mean-spirited in general.
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It’s like when somebody on reddit says they “have a dark sense of humour”, we all know what they really mean. That they like to say wildly inappropriate things, and think that saying it’s a joke makes it perfectly fine, and you’re the arsehole for not pandering to them.
Oof, reading many of these responses… People on reddit get a bit carried away with strong opinions these days. While there is no strict definition of what this means, it’s likely that if this phrase rubs you the wrong way, then you are not someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously. I don’t think this will always be true, but it’s highly likely.
I interpret is as someone who isn’t afraid to be spontaneous, who doesn’t hold a very well defined standard for themselves or the people who are close to them, and someone who can shrug at silliness and just move on. It has nothing to do with laughter or mistreatment; it’s more about connecting with someone who doesn’t add pressure to your life. Though, this is just my opinion, and you know what they say about options.
It means stop believing you and your life are the center of the universe and start acknowledging other peoples wants and needs (notably, those of your BF/husband).
Also, if you think a relationship with you is a reward (or should be a reward for having a good job and not BeINg BOriNg or whatever) then yeah, you’re taking yourself way too seriously.
My personal interpretation of it would be: “I don’t want to date someone who’s a killjoy, a nag or a bitch.”
To me, it means (like your last line) being able to laugh at yourself when you do something klutzy, a healthy balance between confidence and humility… essentially just being down-to-earth and authentic.
Examples of someone who *does* take themselves too seriously would be:
* no sense of humor
* inability to laugh at self or accept innocent jokes/good-natured teasing
* people who try to dictate or run others’ lives
* a rigid/inflexible world view
* not wanting to learn and grow as an individual
* can’t accept when they’re wrong (when they objectively are)
* my mother
From a psych perspective, I would also reflect on why you feel the way you do about hearing/reading the phrase and what it means to you. How have your relationships and life experiences shaped who you are and your interpretation of what those words imply?