I’ll spare the details and just preface that earlier this month I was hanging with my partner’s sister and essentially got dropped off at a strange house under the influence and they (she and her friend) didn’t come back like they were supposed to and wouldn’t allow me to contact them and I’m very certain I was drugged and assaulted. There’s some pretty solid grounds that suggest the whole thing was transactional, and I’m really not sure whether I was supposed to get back home or not. Initially I presented this as infidelity and bad decisions, until we compared discrepancies and it became clear this was a set up. (Alongside me slowly becoming unable to speak and having some wicked stomach sounds unlike anything I’ve experienced, he’s my witness to this and I can only guess I was slipped something more while I slept before I managed to contest staying any longer and got home – only by the grace of his relentless phone calls and happening to wake up just as my phone died, some divine intervention i swear. The guy tried to keep me longer and if i had, I would’ve been incapacited, unable to speak and without a means for contact. He may have saved my life) The unfolding of details were an absolute mindfuck for the both of us, stranger than fiction and sounds scripted as hell, except its not. You could make a movie out of the entire thing, it’s so f’d up.
This has been extremely difficult for both of us being that it was his sister who had hand in the entire thing. He’s been incredibly supportive tho; he helped me confront what really happened to me, has been staying over, came to complete the kit at hospital and make the report to the police – even defending me to his dad who vehemently believes I’m a liar.
Here’s the issue, I’m very emotionally dysregulated and trying my best to overcome this now as it played heavy in how I was able to be lured into that environment in the first place, and I want to be better for him and show I appreciate him whole heartedly. However, I’m really struggling and frustrating him with my self blame, sounding as tho I’m defending the other dude when I’m really just having a hard time accepting victim status. I’m hoping counseling will help with this, but there is also an issue I feel cropping up with sex. We’ve always had incredible chemistry, 5yrs and it’s only ever gotten *better* over time, except I think he’s feeling undesired because I’m just… having a hard time with it right now. I feel like this is my only value right now after feeling sold, and I’m scared to leave my house because this shit legitimately looks like it could possibly be a ring. I don’t know what I can do to combat this, especially since (TMI) we’ve always been a bit rough in the bedroom, and right now this is… a bit upsetting for me. I don’t like the degradation right now, like at all. Any advice on how to keep our strength there? How to be supportive of him the way he has been for me? How to get back to normal without vigilantly watching every car that passes my house?
I know I can never be the same after this, weak bitch shit is what put me in that situation, so i want to come out the other side better and stronger. I was so, so blessed to have made it to 28yrs having never been sexually violated – something so many women cannot say. (And so fortunate things didn’t end worse) I have no idea how to handle this, my mental health symptomomatically wasn’t great to begin with but the lack of eating and sleeping has gotten much worse and I know I need to cope better or I’m going to kill myself abusing my body like this. He’s also made the occasional jab about it as his ego is rightfully bruised by the entire thing as well, I want to have more patience for his rhythms, too. Help is much appreciated. ♡