Any advice on how to work with my traditional Chinese girlfriends parents?
This girl I met last year was super into me, she and I had never dated anyone else before and we just hit it off every-time we were in class together. Anyways, she one day asked if I would be interested in a relationship with her, I basically immediately said yes, and for a month or so it was essentially an in school only type of thing.
We kissed and held hands, but never got to spend time outside of school because her parents own a Chinese restaurant and all of their kids basically go to work every single day after school immediately, except on Mondays (yes even weekends and almost all holidays). We ended things on a good note because she is still in school and I graduated and had to go to work now, which means we couldn’t see each other ther because she literally had zero time.
(For reference, she would be driven immediately to her restaurant and stay until about 11 pm and had to stay up all night to do any homework she had)
Fast forward to thanksgiving day, she said she could finally hang out because we weren’t dating and her parents allowed her to go to my house, we ended up both reigniting that spark we had seen except this time we were all alone, and there was nobody to report to her parents. Keep in mind that up until now, she was afraid to even hug me for too long, let alone be seen kissing me. I guess those 6 months apart, neither of us lost feelings and we both deeply desired each other er because out of nowhere, she just said “I wanna French kiss you so bad”
Needless to say, we got carried away with literally like 9 hours of cuddling, caressing, touching, and kissing all over each others bodies. (No sex as we both agreed until at least she reaches age of consent, or preferably marriage)
She asked me how our friends would feel if we were dating again, and my heart just melted, I felt so much undying love and lust for her.
Fast forward to now, we are trying to have a relationship again, but she is incredibly busy and has zero time to do anything outside her schedule. I can see her once a week after school, until dark , so not much time.
Now back to her restaurant, does anyone have any advice as to how I could try to work with this situation, me and this girl are seriously in love, we are each other’s first loves, and we’re both afraid of the limited time we have together.
Of course I know everybody is different but is there anyone with similar experiences to this that could give me some guiding lines? I’m thinking of asking if I can volunteer at her restaurant when I’m not at work just so I can spend time with her, only thing is, her mother doesn’t really approve of her dating me again because she doesn’t want her daughter to be seen as a girl that just relapses onto the same guy. I have a pretty flexible job and can move my hours around quite easily to adapt to situations.
Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about her time, she has to work no matter how immoral it is (she’s crazy overworked)
Please, I’m desperate
TLDR; Traditional Chinese girlfriends parents overwork her and I need help to work around it
3 comments
The only thing you can do is accept there’s nothing you can do about this. The only person who can change her life is her.
Unless you’re Chinese, you won’t get anywhere with her parents. It’s a lost cause. If she wants to be with you, she has to make a break with her parents which is a terrible thing to do in a Chinese family. It’s a tough situation.
I’ve been dating a first generation Asian guy for almost nine years… His parents do not even know about me. This is because the second they catch wind of it, they will start a nonstop campaign of nagging and insults in an attempt to get him to dump me. The issue isn’t that he will listen to them, the issue is they are troublesome enough without something new to harp on.
First gen Asian immigrants are as controlling as you let them be. They also tend to be masters of manipulation and purveyors of copious, shameless emotional blackmail. Setting boundaries in these cases is haaaaard. If they directly fund their child, it’s functionally impossible for that child to set boundaries without starting their life over.
Unfortunately, this is probably not going to happen for you guys. I would make one overture to your girlfriend, offering to help her get on her feet without her parents. Give her a couple weeks to get her mind around it, but, if she is still saying things like “I can’t abandon them because they need me/I owe them/I can’t see a life without them heavily involved, etc” you need to move on, otherwise you will have a girlfriend in name only until you finally snap.
I’m sorry there’s not better news in this case. It’s a tragic situation, but she needs to realize that she will never do “enough” for her parents. They will always demand more from her/always expect they follow all of their “advice” (aka demands.)