I (23F) co-founded a business with a college classmate (25M) a few years ago. We’ve done pretty well so far: I handle the content creation/public-facing stuff, while he takes care of the “back-office” financial/technical stuff. I didn’t date at all for years because I was so busy, but he had some one-night stands and short-term flings.
Ever since I got a boyfriend (24M) a few months ago, things have gotten weird ASF. I still spend most of my time with my business partner (BP)–we work 14-hour days a lot. But my BF drops me off at work, picks me up from work, and takes me on dates–like a normal BF.
This is apparently bothering my BP since he always gets hyper-aggressive when my BF shows up. He constantly tells me that my BF is no good, that he makes way less money than I do (which is true), and that I deserve to date someone better. My BP has also “jokingly” threatened to “kill” my BF if he sleeps with me.
Why is my BP acting like this? We’ve been friends for years and have never done anything more “intimate” than a few brief hugs. What am I supposed to do to make my BP get along with my BF? Should I let them work it out over a few beers, like in the movies?
— **TL;DR;** : What should I (23F) do if my business partner (25M) hates my boyfriend (24M)?
14 comments
To work things out? There is nothing to work out, since your BP is jealous and won’t get mature suddenly over a few beers and say something like “oh stupid me, your BF is such a nice dude, I was just being stupid and acted out of jealousy”.
There is nothing you can do, except protecting your BF and keep it on a more business-level with your BP.
Has he tried to flirt with you or hit on you? Have you seen him drunk? How is his behaviour around you when he is under the influence of alcohol?
>My BP has also “jokingly” threatened to “kill” my BF if he sleeps with me.
Why the hell are you talking to reddit when you should be reporting this guy?
Your BP is jealous and wants to at least have sex with you.
You are not going to be able to keep both. I would question the longevity of my enterprise if my BP acted as inappropriately as he is.
You are heading for some kind of conflict. Might want to update the resume and see what other opportunities are out there for you.
He will do this with every BF you have. He thinks he owns you.
He is possessive against you, he sees you as his partner in more ways than you think. That is very dangerous, tell him that your boyfriend asked you to marry him, I am 100% sure, he will flip. Do it in public, though.
I don’t believe that a smart woman as yourself, who had the brains to co-found a business so young, can’t see the obvious reason for this hostility.
You surely know it’s jealousy.
You need to enforce clear boundaries with your BP. It is none of his business who you date and you don’t give a fuck about his opinion about your SO. This is something he needs to hear. Repeat it a few times if it doesn’t get through his skull. He’s extremely unprofessional and whatever his intent of motivation is, he is completely out of line. You shouldn’t entertain him at all by listening to this nonsense. Don’t make it a social event with them. He’s your BP, he shouldn’t have anything to do with your private life. If he wants to be your friend too, he needs to be supportive, not an asshole. It’s on you to enforce the boundaries here.
Don’t use movies for advice lol. There’s some truths in things but at the end of the day they’re usually not real stories.
As for your BP, he’s so insanely jealous of the fact that you’re going out with someone else. He probably thought that co-founding this business was probably his ticket to get with you, obviously that’s not the case. His immature overreactions to your personal life are totally unprovoked, disgusting, and disrespectful to your BF. You have no obligation to this guy other than being business partners. The fact that he even considered joking about killing him when your BP in reality hates him should be alarming. What are some of your options? What does your BF think about this? If you can’t come up with a compromise that keeps your BP from continuously crossing boundaries then what’s your next move? Can you tolerate working with a BP who intrudes on your personal life and worst of all, insults your BF to your face? Is this person who you want to continue working with in the long run? If he’s this immature already, what’ll things come to in the future?
This type of relationship can severely detrimental to your business in the future. You need to think about what you can do now before things escalate. If he can’t help himself or you in this situation then maybe you need a new BP. If that’s the case, consider getting a lawyer to handle the legal issues associated with leaving or changing things up.
Your BP either has feelings for you or wants to get in your pants… likely both.
Either way, this dude threatened to kill your BF. Why aren’t you more concerned?
Your BP is jealous and wants to sleep with you and hes angry that another has a shot at it
He really wants to date you and he doesn’t like that you have a partner now. You are going to have to clear the air and make some serious boundaries with your business partner or this is going to get nasty.
I hope for your boyfriends sake he decides to break up with you. Idc what kind of friendship or business partnership I have with someone, never will I get angry and “HYPER” aggressive towards their partners. LET ALONE Threatening to kill them if they sleep with the person they’re with???? Even as a JOKE that’s not okay.
Do not tell your bf to talk to this weirdo “man to man”. Even in your comments you say he hasn’t done anything violent “yet”. What if he does? What will you do?
Situations like this with jealous and possessive mean have too often ended in murder. I don’t understand how you aren’t more uncomfortable.
You aren’t dense. Come on. You know why he’s acting like this
Consider holding a meeting about this. Use this meeting to set a firm line between private and professional environments and what you will or won’t tolerate.
Block out a time and have an agenda. Let him know the purpose of the meeting is to address your observations that he is making passive aggressive remarks about your bf and those comments are not appreciated. List a few specific examples and dates, let him know that you’d like to maintain a professional relationship going forward and with that in mind, you hope you don’t need to have another meeting regarding this topic again.
You can ask him whether he has an explanation for these events if you like. Whatever his response is, let him know you acknowledge his answer however you find his behaviour threatening or it makes you uncomfortable (make it clear to him that his behaviour is not a joke to you). You may be friends however you are primarily business partners and his comments are not appropriate in a professional environment.
Key take aways:
– you’ve made clear you’re logging these events. If he thinks you’ll let it slide, the list of examples let’s him know you’ll remember going forward.
– you’re highlighting to him what’s at risk here – the business. If you both want to keep succeeding then he needs to pull his head in because you won’t tolerate any comments about your private life at work.
– you’re drawing a clear line that work is work and private is private. Unless he wants to talk to you about business related material, he should keep any comments about your private life and who you date to himself.
You might be running your operation in a more free flow format right now however as it grows in scale, it’s good to start setting some precedents about appropriate work place behaviour.