My bf (27M) and I (24F) are having issues. He calls me an “old lady” and an old bag just because I prefer to leave places around 9-9:30pm. These places are like friends houses for example, not hall parties or events. Many times I have to wake up early the next day at 6:00am for work and I like to relax a bit and get ready before going to bed. It’s gotten to the point where he’s making me feel bad for being this way and calls me “embarrassing” and says that’s why he doesn’t want me to meet his friends.. just off that! Whenever I say why I’m like this way he tries to belittle my reasons or twist my words. I get people are different but his attitude towards this and his lack of wanting to compromise or understand me is what bothers me. Is this normal?
TL;DR : My boyfriend (27M) hates that I (24F) like to leave around 9pm from some places because I wake up early the next day many times. Instead of understanding, he calls me an old bag.
7 comments
No, this is not normal.
Normal is compromising when you can. Let him stay with his friends while you go home. Stay out with him every once in a while.
Normal is breaking up if this is making you two so upset.
Belittling you is not normal.
Its not normal or ok for your partner to belittle you or twist your words. Are you forcing him to leave places with you early every time? If you have to wake up at 6 its very reasonable that you want to go to bed early. But he doesn’t necessarily have to leave with you if he woukd rather stay
Why are you tolerating this?
It’d be one thing if he was disappointed because he wanted you to stay longer and have fun with him and his friends. That’s fine. He could be disappointed but also understanding.
But the belittling, the name-calling, etc? The “oh, you can’t meet my friends,” calling your behavior embarrassing? That’s not acceptable.
If he wants a party girl, he should set you free and find himself a party girl. Believe me when I tell you there are millions of people looking for someone exactly like you.
Trying one’s partner to adjust or compromise by using shaming is toxic. I wouldn’t allow it.
No, it’s not normal or fair, and you’re being sensible, responsible and healthy by having the discipline you do to wind down before bed and waking up early. Does he do any other things that are belittling like this?