I dated my ex for 6 years. It was the best relationship one could have asked for. Zero arguments, total understanding of each other. Complete support. I could understand what she wants from the way she breathes – that’s the understanding we had.
Unfortunately, once we moved towards pursuing the marriage route, due to family circumstances we had to mutually end it. There was a lot of cultural differences and families didn’t see eye to eye.
We broke up and it was about a year ago.
Since, she has found a new partner who is very caring and nice to her. She is pretty serious with this dude.
I, on the other hand, have met 3 different women over the past year and have not been able to form a connection, as I continue to compare my relationships to my ex.
I just can’t fathom being with someone who I don’t connect with in the same level as my ex.
I am now extremely worried that I will never find someone as my concern is that I will not be able to form such connection again.
A lot of my friends tell me I should not seek such connection again, especially since now I am older and it was the younger ages that allowed for such connection to build
So my question is, shall I stop seeking “true love” and settle for someone who is reasonable? As my concern is if I continue searching for that connection, I will never find it.
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tl;dr broke up with the love of my life of 6 years 1 year ago. finding it hard to connect with someone on the same level. Shall i settle? fears of never finding someone again
4 comments
I was alone by myself for 7 years before I found my now husband. Don’t settle for less. Do you want to end up like Justin Bieber who did just that? Being single is so much better than making yourself love someone just to have someone. I’m glad I waited and I stopped going out on pointless dates that went nowhere years ago. I was getting tired of getting dressed up, putting in efforts to know men in my city just for things to not work out so I told myself I’m waiting in my room alone and my husband will just appear when the time is right and I won’t have to look for him. I can’t believe I was right.
I would stay single until you find your true wife because you’ll regret settling for less as soon as it happens.
You had a good relationship for 6 years, which ended a year ago. You met 3 women already and you are wondering how to meet the love of your life.
I find it hard to believe someone can be fully healed from a relationship that lasted 6 years in just 1 year…
Is it really you wanting to find the love of your life? Or does your ex having some serious stuff going on already play a role in this?
I dated someone I adored prior to my husband for 3 years. His family had an issue with me being a different religion. I was blindsided and devastated when he broke up with me.
I prob didn’t even date the first year after we broke up, even though he did and got married to someone in that time.
Anyway, I did end up dating again and I went on a TON of dates. I had my shit together and refused to settle.
When I met my husband he said he knew he wanted to marry me immediately, I didn’t feel that way. But there was something about him that I wanted to explore and get to know. It wasn’t instant for me, it was instant with my ex.
18 years later, I am so grateful how things turned out.
I’m sorry that familial influences prompted the end of what sounds like the relationship you wanted.
I do not believe your friends are correct in that younger age = easier building of deep connection.
As we are different people, I would have to ask you the question:
1. If you seek and never find the same connection, will you look back and think that you wasted your time?
2. Can you be happy with someone that you have a strong connection with, but which isn’t as strong as the one you had?
I would suggest that the answers to these questions may help you decide. But I suspect that the answer is to keep looking and make the decision based on a real person in front of you – not abstract thinking ahead like you are doing now.
She has moved on, now it is your turn. I’m sorry, I know it is hard, but even without knowing you – I know you can do it. You may find that a future relationship will make you look back on this one – and be happy it ended because if it hadnt, you wouldn’t have found this new person.
Look forward my friend.