I kind of just want this off my chest as I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.
I was chatting/seeing a girl (S) from my old job for a few months after I left, I don’t like to shit where I eat. I was always interested in her, but she’s now she’s single and apparently reached out so I went with it. We’ve gone on a couple dates, hungout etc. but it’s difficult with her schedule. I tried to be accommodating as I could and it was ok for a while, but more difficult over the last few weeks it seemed. We were sort of hush hush as I don’t really like to let anyone know about my business and same with her, it was nothing serious but I can’t not say I got some sort of feelings.
A month ago, I go to a friend’s little party, S is there too by chance. I’m there with 2 of my friends, one is the host, the other is a good friend J. I noticed S and J seemed to get a bit close together during. Touching his knees when sitting next to each other and overall comfortable together it seems. She also chose him to do a little party game for couples with instead of me. I bring it up with her later the following day and she diverts the subject and says it’s nothing they’re just friendly.
We continue talking etc. for a few more weeks but it just doesn’t feel the same. More distant a little and I felt I was initiating conversation more. I do some snooping and find a picture of them dancing together at a get together. My heart sinks and have been having difficulty sleeping a little over the last few days.
The other day I hang out with J and the topic of women come up and of course I feel I have to say something about the situation. He has no clue. I don’t want any feuds between J and I, as he didn’t know and I never told him about S and I. He says sorry etc, but then changes it to “may the best man win”… I feel as a friend he should have taken my side a little, or at least a little empathy, but clearly just wants M to fool around with since I know that’s how he is. M should have said something, but clearly feelings aren’t mutual anymore. I also noticed that it seems she was talking to J during our outing and not me. She talked a little bit with me after that night after I initiated something, but nothing was really brought up.
The following day, some follow up messages from S, but really nothing the rest of the day. I sent something and it remains unread but I know she’s been active on it. I know it’s over, but it just hurts as I feel like I’ve been lead on by her and my friend isn’t taking empathy of the situation. I wanted to talk to J again to kind of just vent a little because he’s really the only one that knows now. I don’t want any beef between J and I, but I know it’ll be in the back of my mind now. Is our friendship over now?
tl;dr Girl I thought was into me over the last few months moved on with a close friend who didn’t know without telling me and is now ghosting me.
1 comment
Unless S said she wanted to be exclusively dating just you, this seems pretty straightforward.
You tried dating, and while you have feelings for her, it didn’t work out because she didn’t have enough of those feelings for you. And she turned out to be more interested in someone else, and that someone else is unfortunately someone you happen to know.
S is no longer interested in you romantically. That sucks, but that’s also a pretty typical outcome. It takes time to find the right person that is as into you as you are into them. The odds are you’re going to have to date at least a few people before it all clicks together. This was one of those times it didn’t. That’s ok. Mourn this loss, and then move on and find that person that is into you, because S isn’t it.
And given that S isn’t interested in you romantically, it doesn’t matter who she is interested in. It’s none of your business. And what do you expect J to do given that he and S are into each other? Stop dating because you don’t want them to? That won’t change the fact that S isn’t into you. It’s a bit of a selfish attitude. If S will be happier with someone else, let her.
In other words, you tried dating someone, it didn’t work out. That sucks, but it happens. Focus on yourself and finding that person who you having feelings for and she has feelings for you. The longer you linger on S & J is just time wasted ruminating about a relationship that was never going to work because she wasn’t into you enough. Again, that’s ok.
Don’t waste your time w/ either of them. Again, focus on yourself and finding someone else. Be patient. Good luck!