So me (24f) and my husband (27m) have been married for about 2 years, together for about 3. Last night his older brother (31m) tried to (i think) kiss me.
Family was over for the holidays, and by the end of the festivities everyone was pretty toasted. I went outside on the porch for a cigarette by myself because my husband doesn’t smoke. BIL came out to bum one, which is fine, and we stood around and hung out, just kinda shooting the shit. So far, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for a meet up. I finish my smoke and make to head in when he stops me. He put his hand on my waist and was moving the other one up towards my face before I realized where we were going. He seemed to shake it off after I kinda stepped back from him, going inside and sort of half mumbling an apology and an excuse. (Drunk, btw was the excuse).
I didn’t bring it up to anyone last night because frankly I didn’t want hands being thrown in my apartment, but I have to tell my husband what happened. I don’t feel afraid or nervous about what happened just more… confused? I don’t know what compells someone to do something like that so I’m not sure what I did to bring on the attempt. Either way, I’m not quite sure how to bring it up to my husband. He and his brother are on good terms, and I can’t see how this isn’t going to change things. I’m hoping someone can give me some direction to start in because this is super out of my wheelhouse. I’ve never cheated and no siblings of SOs have tried putting moves on me so I don’t know how to broach this with my husband.
TL;DR: husband’s older brother made an advance at me, I don’t know how to tell my husband.
6 comments
If the BIL doesn’t hear feedback from your husband then he’ll be encouraged to escalate.
He was testing you and that includes will you tell your husband.
Btw: what he tried is outrageous bordering on incest in terms of violating family trust.
Present it the way you posted in a calm tone and state if he can’t handle drinking then he needs to stop.
And ask your husband to talk to him.
Drunk is not an excuse. I’ve been plenty drunk around my friends significant others and never tried to kiss them.
Alcohol isn’t some magical Pandora’s box that unleashes all your base animalistic desires.
It makes you more likely to do dumb shit you would otherwise tell yourself not to do if you were sober. Like try to kiss an in law you were attracted to.
Not saying that alcohol shows your “truest” self. It just can let out things that other parts of your brain would otherwise squash.
“Your brother got off his face and tried to kiss me last night.”
And stop with the whole “I just don’t understand why he tried to do this/I don’t understand what I did” thing because there is NO GOOD REASON for this to happen. The sooner you stop trying to understand this and just tell your husband, the better.
If he’s drunk and tried to take this liberty, what else would he do?
that’s just really awful decision making on your brother in laws part
You could write your husband a note and hand it to him explaining what happened.
Relationships can be strained but they can also repair themselves with time.
“Don’t go crazy trying to understand someone else’s madness.”
The best thing you can do is tell your husband. You did nothing to cause his actions, and your response was 100% on point (step back and walk away).