Update: not letting my niece perform at my wedding

hello everyone! im not sure if this is allowed but i wanted to just give an update for anyone that was following along with all of this crazy stuff. first and foremost, thank you to everyone who has given me advice and support in your comments and dms. jay and i deeply appreciate it. i was not expecting a lot of people to even read this let alone care enough to respond so thank you all so much. also, i wanted to answer some questions some of you had before i give an update.

1. jay: a lot of people were telling me that this was jays responsibility since its his sister. when this all went down, jay was ready to scorch earth. he was already drafting an email calling his sister out and sending an email to his family telling his family telling them what happened and that she was not going to be invited. i was the one who wanted to wait until we had a plan and eliminate all “what ifs”. i think jay was/is a lot more upset than i am, which is a lot. jay agreed with writing this on here to gain a little advice from outside sources. just wanted to clear this up and let everyone know he was just as much involve in this situation
2. mary: someone asked what was marys part in this. did she send the video maliciously? did she instigate this whole situation? the short answer is no. she sent that video to us and called us right after. she has always defended me and shut all of reginas things down right away. she responded to regina saying that whatever game she is trying to play will not work and she will tell everybody all the things regina has pulled if she didnt grow up. we had spoken to mary and she told us it was okay to tell regina that she sent the video to us.
3. a lot of people were saying the obvious, “its your wedding, dont let her perform” which i know! obviously, i decided emma will not be performing. however, i want to eliminate the chance for anything else regina might want to pull. Ive known her long enough to know that she will one way or another do something to knock me down or turn the spotlight on her (which a lot of you pointed out) I also came on her for some help because i dont want to spend my entire wedding looking over my shoulder and always on the defense in case she tied to do something (which a lot of you pointed out was inevitable) so many of you helped me realized that what i was thinking didnt make me the bad guy, its my day! so thank you everyone again.

onto the update.

two days after i posted, jay and i called regina on his phone, i used my phone (not sure if its illegal) just so we had proof of anything she would say that she could lie about in the future. jay decided to take the lead in case she tried to act like this was all me, he wanted to make sure she knew this was his decision too.

the conversation went like this (paraphrasing here, but this is the gist):

jay: regina, throwraweddingal and i decided it would not be appropriate for emma to perform at our wedding.

regina: no. katies performing so thats not fair.

jay: katie is singing a 45 second song that is meaningful to throwraweddingal and me. emma performing a comedy is not appropriate for our wedding. she can perform at family dinner the night before or she can privately perform for just the two of us but we do not want a comedy act at the reception.

regina: no. she wants to perform in front of people. if katie is, then emma should too.

jay: okay, katie will perform for just the two of us then so its fair.

regina: ……well she still wants to perform in front of people.

jay: its not her day. you do realize no one performs standup at a wedding right? shes 10, she’ll get over it.

regine: how dare you!

me: regina, you never told us what emma will be saying. you said its a surprise but mary told us what katie will be doing beforehand and thats why we agreed. we have a problem letting emma do this especially since we do not know what she will be doing. (this received a fist bump from jay lol)

regina: its a surprise. its funny. its harmless.

jay: its our wedding. emma will not be getting a mic for her to spew rude comments towards my wife for you to laugh

regina: i have no idea what youre talking about

jay: you do know what i am talking about and its childish that youre lying about it. emma is not a vessel for your poor comments. she will not be performing at our wedding. if you try anything, you will be removed from our wedding.

regina: you cant do that. shes ten. she has a medical condition. throwraweddingal youre being a bridezilla.

jay: i am the one speaking. this is a mutual choice. emma is old enough to know that what she is saying is mean. youre old enough to know that you shouldnt live vicariously through your daughters childish behavior. i need to hear you say that emma is not performing and if something happens you will be removed.

regina: …….fine.

we decided to end the conversation after we got on tape regina repeating what jay said. we havent spoke to her since. a little while later mary sent a screenshot of regina calling her all sorts of names for “ratting her out” and “ruining her day”. she didn’t respond but took pictures just in case. we called jays parents and my family to catch them up with whats been going on. jays parents were horrified and said that if regina told any family and they came to them, they would tell them the truth. my family agrees too.

i also didnt mention this, but our dj/mc is jays friend from college. jay called dj (yes thats also his name lol) after we spoke to regina and told him the gist and to keep the microphone with him at all times and not let them get a chace of any speeches or anything. dj told us not to worry and that he will keep the attention on us the whole time.

so things were pretty smooth since then. last night however, i got a text from emma (she has an ipad that she texts from) and guess what is was? a single elephant emoji. i will admit, i did cry. i honestly felt like this was over and things were fine but this felt like a bucket of water dumped on me. jay texted back to emma,

“this is uncle jay. what you are doing is not nice. i think you know that what you are doing is mean to your aunt and we do not like it. we love you emma but we will not let you be mean to us even if it is a joke. and regina, if this is you, stop”

we ended spending the night watching movies and just cooling off from all of this.

anyways, that was the small update. we get married in 3 days so i will update if anything happens. thanks again for everything!

sorry for any typos, im just tired