What is the hardest part about being an unattractive woman?

34 comments

1. People not believing that yes, you do get treated differently if you’re not deemed “attractive”. So many people don’t think it’s real!

2. I’m fairly attractive, at least in my opinion, but I was kind of an “ugly duckling” growing up.

   The bullying from my peers over my chest size was bad, but my own mother offering me three different kinds of cosmetic surgery on like five occasions… that was probably the worst

   Edit: oh and getting asked out “as a joke” in highschool would have sucked really bad but it was always guys I wanted nothing to do with anyways and it was really funny afterwards. Like they thought I’d be all “yes!!! You’re so far out of my league, of course!!!! 😍” and they’d pull a “haha jk” and laugh about it, but when I rejected them, I turned the tables and their friends picked on them about it instead of me. I was always nice about it though because it never occurred to me that they were pulling a trick on me until I saw their friends picking on them over the fact that it didn’t work. Happened twice, two different guys. I guess after the second one, everyone else learned not to try that with me anymore haha

3. I know I’m hot as fuck but society measures me against a beauty standard/idealized woman that doesn’t exist in general and is personally unachievable.

4. Having attractive friends…

5. The generalizations guys make about women only apply to attractive women (rotation of guys willing to her bills, always offered help, gets out of trouble by crying)

   So you grow up hearing how privileged you’re supposed to be and guys are angry about these privileges you allegedly have, but no one stops to notice that it’s not an all women thing: it’s a pretty woman thing.

   They only see women as people they are attracted to.

   And you’re left out.

   So you get denied the privilege you were told you’d get, still treated poorly by patriarchy, and still get fussed at by guys about the privilege you allegedly have but don’t actually get.

6. People are less likely to believe you if you are harassed / attacked.

7. It’s not that I’m unattractive, it’s just that I’m 7 decades late when it comes to beauty standards haha!

   But other than that, the hardest part is when someone claims to find me attractive, I can’t tell if it’s genuine or if they’re playing with me

8. Being made to feel as if you are invisible.

9. I think the hardest part is accepting that people will constantly overlook you. You are never treated as a priority but always as an option. I’m always just an option, someone whose there that you wouldn’t necessarily consider but open to. Hearing people discuss your looks and Joke about how ugly you are will become a norm. Having a serious lack of confidence comes with this and sometimes you will grow jealous of those who have all the confidence in the world. Loved ones will always pick at something, it really hurts the most. Overall I realized they have made me become a very self conscious/ jealous person -a trait 10/10 would not recommend having

10. Being invisible. People walking into me like I’m not there.

11. In my personal experience, I find the men I met with aren’t interested to be with me romantically. They want me to stick around though

    It could also mean that I need to have better taste in men lol

12. People genuinely can’t believe that I’ve never been hit on before like … I’m ugly and I dress like a dude, it doesn’t happen

13. I was unattractive growing up . I’d feel left out in most social events, and random relatives/classmates that I wasn’t close with would feel comfortable picking on my looks/weight.

    It got better when I lost the weight in college, but in the back of my head I’m always kind of wondering ” They’re nice now but would they have been nice to me back then?”

14. It has always been hard. I was lucky I was smart and chose to take on work in the 80’s onwards that appreciated my intellect, to a degree. Ive seen and had pretty girls promoted over me forever. I’m ‘retired’ now but it made me mad, always. I used to go out with wonderful girlfriends, they were pretty, or at least way more attractive than me, and I got so used to all these guys coming up and chatting to me, I thought so many times that this was nice, we’re getting on, then they 99% said, so can you introduce me to your friend. I did end up having a few relationships but I’ve always felt that it was never because of my looks. I know it shouldn’t be. I’m ok with that but just once I would have loved to hear ‘you’re beautiful’. I know its dumb, the people I’ve had in my life, earlier anyway, old now and couldn’t give a shit but it was an intellectual and hobby and humour based thing. Didnt help, probably, but my big sister was stunning. A model. Long blonde hair, tanned, big green eyes, body of an athlete, real beach bunny, in Miss Australia. Thats what I grew up comparing myself to. I wish it didn’t but it did affect me.

15. Being ignored. People not looking directly at you. Having a lot less options and chances for happiness in life. The actual feeling of being unattractive in yourself is also awful. Being compared to others negatively.

    Basically people treating you as if you are worthless until you also believe it yourself. Then putting up with the bare minimum because you’ve learnt from experience that you won’t get better. Becomes an endless cycle. I honestly believe it can ruin lives.

16. Here is the kicker! I think I am attractive but someone more attractive is going to come along. It’s always a comparison game, you know what I mean? I can relate to every comment here. And I am sure most girls will as well, irrespective of how attractive they are. Pretty privilege exists. But it is so fucked up that there is no proper definition for pretty. It’s one thing today and something else the next day. In the end, every woman feels like shit. Writing it down makes me feel depressed. Urgh! Fucked up standards I tell you

17. Getting “compliments” out of pity

18. [deleted]

19. Having attractive friends. I love them, but it’s such a kick in the pants to see how beautiful they are and never see it in myself.

20. Several things.

    I habe really bad skin and I absolutely tried everything but I guess I just have to live with it. People, especially men, often telling me to drink more water or to not eat choclate and my skin will clear up. Oh boi, I tried, now just let me be happy and eat my choclate.

    In school I did not belong to the girls and also not to tje boys. My friends were mostly boys and they did not care about my looks but I did not belong to the girls and it was always hard to be in all girls class in sports and crafting as the outsider due to my horrible skin.

    Also, everybody promoting body positivitiy but it seems bad skin is still not tolerable. We have curvy models on TV, petite models, trans etc. Thats really nice, but where is my model with scars in the face or elsewhere, I just feel lonely.

    Sorry for the rant.

21. Its harder to get a good job

22. Being in a relationship as an unattractive woman plus trust issues can make for some toxic thinking. Like you see someone more appealing than you and you can’t help but think your S.O would rather be with them for some reason. Trying to remember all your good qualities that make up for lack of physical attributes while in a relationship is a daily challenge. Same old I’m worthy of love and to be loved for what ever reason mantra just so you don’t project your insecurities onto your S.O. my younger unattractive self has been there with that jealous mind set but my older self has reconciled that its ok not to be seen as like a super model or an object of desire.

23. Becoming more attractive and realizing how many grown men go from treating you like shit to actually giving you basic respect lmaoo

24. “You’d be so much prettier if…”

    Nope. DGAF. I am not going to pander to everyone around me in the hopes they think I’m pretty. I will present myself in the way that is best for me. Anyone offering me unsolicited advice on my appearance can fuck right off.

25. Other than being embarrassed of how I look all the time and the lack of confidence, basically any guy I’ve been interested in IRL has never reciprocated that interest. I’m never anyone’s ‘type’.

    This leads to preemptively ‘rejecting’ men in my mind and not letting myself get too interested because I assume they wouldn’t be interested back, even if that may not be true in the end.

    I also have no idea what I actually look like to others because I’ve NEVER been organically complimented on my looks, only my brains.

26. making new friends with men when there’s a pretty girl around. you all know who they want to hang out with.

27. From my past experience, it’s being treated “lesser than” by everyone else. I was the butt of the joke, someone to make fun of and never taken seriously romantically. To be fair though, my lack of social skills played a part in this- maybe if I was more outgoing I may have avoided some of it. May. It’s the worst feeling because you haven’t done anything wrong, but you get poor treatment just for being alive, and well, existing.

28. It’s quite interesting when you’ve grown up being an attractive woman and then grew to be somewhat unattractive later..

    You really notice the difference in the way people treat you.

29. If a guy sees you as unattractive, he thinks it’s a privilege to have his attention on you and that you would grovel at his feet for it.

30. Hearing guys complain about how all women have it easy in dating. As a woman all you gotta do is show up, no matter how ugly you are cause guys aren’t picky. Which is obviously nonsense.

31. in my experience, the worst part is being overlooked and ignored.

    i can deal with rejection, that’s no problem. you can’t force someone to think you’re cute.

    but if you’re, for example, at a bar with a group of friends and some guys you don’t know join the group. they’ll straight up act like you don’t exist, maybe even refuse to shake your hand or whatever. it hurts not because they don’t want you but because you’re apparently not even a person unless you’re fuckable. the prettier friends often don’t even realize it.

    it happened a ton when i was at clubs with this one SUPER pretty friend of mine. men would be all over her and we wouldn’t have the chance to even dance together anymore. it’s such an awful feeling.

    i’ve been on both sides by now. ugly duckling kinda deal. once you know it, it’s so damn obvious and i hate it so much.

32. It’s petty but watching peoples attention drift away. We could be talking and they seem engaged and then an attractive person goes by and it’s like I’m just static noise

33. I can’t relate when other women start talking about how men keep hitting on them all the time. I can count on one hand the amount of times someone has been interested in me.

    I feel so stupid and out of place on the very rare occasions that I’m out in a place where normal people gather like a bar or a club.

    I’ve always had dreams of becoming a musician but I had to face the fact that in order to make it as a woman in music you have to be desirable (unless you’re absolutely insanely talented, which I am not)

    On the rare occasion someone is attracted to me I don’t trust them

34. Trial lawyer training brings up one rule of thumb early: if your defendant is ugly, male or female, settle. Juries are much more likely to convict people they don’t find attractive.