As in the title, obvious TW for SA.
Edit: TL;DR Just as question in the title because of situation that happened to me, also wondering if a virgin specifically should feel anything next morning after her first sex, even if she didn’t hurt or bled during the act.
Some back story, Ive (F) been sharing an appartement with a male roommate a while ago, and naturally being roommates we kinda “friended” enough to talk or go out together. He never acted creepy towards me or did anything weird in my presence. Fast forward to the day I lost my keys, and had no choice but to sleep with my door unlocked for three nights (closed, just not locked up). That’s when the problem begins. I theoretically didn’t notice anything unusual first. After the third night tho it was like a switch turned in him, the same evening he SA’d me at the house, cornered, putting his hands under my tshirt and groping my breast so hard it hurt while trying to kiss me in a really sexual way. I was able to break free, but similar situations continued since then (I couldn’t move due to financial situation), groping my tights, coming from behind to block me and rub my nipples, laughing asking dumb “why not” as I got away etc. Also his behavior towards me overall changed after that incident, from being able to have a normal conversation to basically treating me like a total imbecile, laughing and mocking almost everything I said.
Grossest part, I dont even call or see it as simple “groping”. The way he behaved is what people do as a foreplay, sexual kissing or nipple massage. He was basically starting sex with me against my will.
Due to this situation I started wondering if it would be possible that something non consensual could happen during those nights? I clearly remember going to bed so Im 99% sure I wasn’t drugged, tho Ive smoked before bed (around 0.4-0.5g). From some sleep sex kink subs Ive found out people who do it with consent use even things like melatonin or valerian root to stay asleep the whole play and it works, which made me even more worried. Never been hard sleeper sober tho.
Another thing, I am/was a virgin at this point. I dont really recall feeling weird, surely no other signs in the morning. BUT any professional I tried talking to told me that “It shouldn’t hurt and shouldn’t bleed anyway so you’ll never know it”. Plus Id be relaxed due to weed. On the other hand, all of the regular women around me I talked to told me some version of “you’d feel it next day”, “you’d feel like something was inside you”, “you’d feel stretched”. I dont know who to listen to anymore. I heard also your body doesnt work the same asleep, nor he would do any foreplay I guess. So my second question to experienced people, even if it didnt hurt you, did you still had this “yes I definitely had sex yesterday” feeling waking up the morning after your first time? Is there something I should notice still? Im asexual, so never used any kind of toys/fingers or literally anything inside. You can be graphic as Im completely clueless how sex even feels, any kind of help is appreciated.
Im really going mental over this since it happened. I dont see another reason why he would change so much just overnight. Also thinking if I got away doing something someone had no idea of, Id probably treat them like an idiot as well, maybe even hoping for next occasion, so that only adds to the problem.
2 comments
You would likely know something happened because you’re unaccustomed to having other people in your bed. The real ssue is your roommate is untrustworthy to the point that you’re worried he has or will SA you, and you either need to go or he does. He clearly has boundary issues.
First thing, you need to get out immediately. He’s a psycho and obviously can’t be trusted not to go further than what he’s already done. It would be ideal to have a nannycam for the trial after he’s arrested.
My wife and I have enjoyed consensual sleep sex since we met nearly 40 years ago. She starts out awake about 90% of the time, the other 10% I manage to not wake her. It’s a game where I try to sneak in and she tries to detect it right at the beginning. But even when she does detect it, she often falls right back to sleep in a few seconds, and has no recollection in the morning.
Sometimes, maybe 5% of the times she has had a margarita, which makes her horny for a while and then sleepy. Most of the time there no drugs or alcohol involved.
In the morning about half the time she knows for sure, a quarter of the time she wonders if she had sex or not, and a quarter of the time she has no clue that anything happened. Since I always finish inside her she’s occasionally dumbfounded that she’s got no idea that we had sex.
Most of the time she’s a very sound sleeper. But ironically enough, if her brain is busy and she’s having a hard time sleeping, the cure is a slow, gentle sleep fuck. It instantly calms her sleep and she’s usually snoring within a minute.