Hey everyone. My apologies in advance if this question gets posted a lot, but I’m a 25M and I still live at home with my parents. This is only because I’m still paying off student loans and want to be financially set before I get my own place and move on with my life. My parents and I have a great relationship and this is not me forcing myself to stay home, but more so a mutual decision because buying a house is simply not feasible in this current economy.
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With that said, I don’t want to be alone forever. I was in a relationship for the last couple months with a woman who had her own place, so we never stayed at mine. Since I haven’t gone on a date in a while and now have one in a few days, my question is do women above the age of 22 care that you still live at home with your parents? Answers won’t deter me from going out and trying to date, but I was just curious on the consensus and wanted some feedback. Thanks!
45 comments
Yes.
Woman here. Depends on why. If you do it just to bum off other people with no intention to ever be independent then it can be a major turn off. However, there are very reasonable situations where one would still be living with parents like saving money for the future, paying off bills, attending school, taking care of parents etc. I dont see an issue with any of those reasons.
Honestly, I only cared if there was no plan to move out on their own. I dated one guy who basically freeloaded off his mother and didn’t want to move out and that was a huge turn-off. But in your case, it wouldn’t bother me.
Even if they do care. It’s much better to set yourself up financially than to worry what women think. I lived at home til 23, because I was actively saving to buy a house and not have to waste money renting. I contributed to bills while I was there. I also left at 23 with no debt besides the home I bought. There is this weird stigma about living at home in the US, but fuck that live at home and save as much as possible, pay off debt and invest. Your future self will thank you for it.
Yes women don’t want to mommy a grown man!
Funny thing is, some want a DADDY tho 🤣
I honestly think that “the why” matters. Even though I am a 25 year old woman, I am still at home for the same reasons so I wouldn’t bat an eye if someone I was dating was doing the same thing. I hope you find someone who understands you’re doing to for your future😊
Depends on a lot of factors. Where I live in South Florida just about everyone under 30 lives at home unless they move out with a partner. You need to make like $75k to live on your own here, which most young professionals don’t earn for a while. If you’re living at home while mommy & daddy still pay all your bills and you blow your money on nonsense, then it’s definitely a turn off for women.
I don’t care. I just want you to have your own bedroom, your own car, and your own bathroom, I live at home. Also, live in Southern California, so you would either need hella roommates or stay at home. I’d rather stay home. I know my family already, and it’s just easier.
Yeah… 29F, I started caring right after finishing uni. It makes sense to study and live with your parents if you can, but after that the potential of moving in with somebody who’s never been 100% independent of mommy’s washing machine became just a little too much. xD
My first boyfriend lived with his mom
I loved him & it wasn’t a dealbreaker, but not gonna lie.. after that relationship ended I remember specifically thinking I hope to date someone who does *not* live with their parents next
Eventually I did meet someone else who has his own place
I greatly prefer it… for privacy reasons
Honestly if you are living with your parents to set up the path you want to lead in your future life, do it! It sounds like you are trying to be financially responsible- at 25 that’s more than a lot of people can say, I know I wasn’t thinking like that at 25!! Do what’s best for you and be confident about it, don’t let other people’s judgment tell you otherwise. (P.s. I met my now boyfriend at 24 and he lived at home, it made sense in the place he was at in his life!)
Each to their own. Personally it’s a dealbreaker for me because I value privacy and would not appreciate having to host every time my SO and I want to be alone. Also I very strongly believe that everyone should live on their own before moving in with a significant other after having seen so many people move straight from their parents’ places into a place with their S/O and have no idea the actual amount of work that goes into living on your own (utilities, household maintenance, keeping a whole place clean vs just your bedroom). But I have plenty of friends in my age range who do not mind and I don’t think at your age it would hugely limit your prospects.
Depends on the situation. I live in Miami so a lot of around people my age (I’m 26) live with their parents due to obscene prices for an apartment here (also culturally, families tend to stay together longer under one roof). But also situation plays into it as well, are you ambitious? Do you have a plan? Is there reasons that dictates you have to stay home? Are you dependent on your parents?
As long your still an self sufficient adult with some ambition, most people will completely understand your situation.
As long as you’re not just bumming in your mom’s basement and she does your laundry and wipes your ass, it’s fine in this economy, until maybe around 27 years old
i think its ppl in general dont want a partner that is just staying with their parents if that person is just at home because they can ask their parents to cook clean laundry etc essential still be treated like a child thats an issue big time.
there is some exceptions of coure like taking care of them financial issues housing issues distance to work/school or even the safety/medical issues.
i know a lot of friends that went broke and got massive debt or was just making it by. myself i went broke. a lot moved back in to save up for a home even with well paying jobs moving back and doing what would of taken them 8 years down to 4-5 years sometimes less if they went really hard on saving.
36F, I wouldn’t mind because you have a reason. The sacrifices I personally made to become debt free in my 20’s after 2 bachelors degrees, 2 masters degrees ($150k student loan debt), and $20k in cc debt almost killed me (thankfully been debt free since 32 and net worth is 6 figures now). I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Do what you need to do and screw anybody against it. You’ll enjoy your 30’s more and won’t be in poor health and likely happier not trying to figure shit out like a lot of folks.
27F – I care and probably wouldn’t be with someone that still lives at home. I’ve been out of that “living with parents” stage since I went to college and I would like to be with someone similar. I think a lot of people use the “its fine if they’re paying of student loans or saving up for a house” but to me part of life is being able to budget well enough to do those things while living on your own. I rent and pay my bills. He should be in a similar position.
I also hate being the “default” place to go because someone lives with their parents or has roommates.
I do not speak for all women or likely even a large portion of them but that is my personal take on it. I am sure you could find plenty that don’t care or also live with their parents.
I definitely did when I was dating. I was fiercely independent and moved out early.
My husband lived with his parents until he was probably 35 though (I met him at 44). He used that time to save up enough to pay cash for a house, and he helped take care of his dad who had medical issues. His mom is awesome too (dad has passed so I’ve never met him but I heard he was great as well).
So I guess I *had* a problem with it, but if I had met my husband a little earlier, I would have probably made an exception. Him saving so much to buy a home means we get to live in a home in Southern California without a mortgage now. So, I benefitted from him living at home as well.
A lot of guys I met when dating would say they were living at home to save money but wouldn’t have much in the way of savings (dated one guy who said this but what he really had was thousands of dollars in comic books). Or they’d say they were taking care of parents when it was actually the parents still taking care of them.
Yes they do. I have seen flirtatious smiles turn into 1000 yard stares when I say I live at home with parents. When it comes to lukewarm dates, it’s typically enough to tip the boat.
Also it’s mostly a huge logistics issue. Because even if you’re on a 3rd date and things are going great, where do you take her home to?
Dating becomes easier just renting a bedroom off of Craigslist.
Women do care. However, it’s in your best interest to find a woman who understands why you’re doing it, and that you’re eager to have your own place, but once you are prepared. There will be plenty, I promise.
26F here! Personally, I don’t mind if someone I’m potentially going to date is still living with their parents, and I live alone. My own folks tell me all the time that they’re “sorry” that my brother and I don’t get to share the experiences they had at our age due to inflation and climbing prices of rent, which goes to show that even some parents/boomers aren’t blind to the world their now adult children have to survive in; they know how expensive rent alone is these days, not to mention other expenses such as car payments/insurance, health insurance, even food is more expensive. They understand how hard it is to make it on your own in our current reality.
You have excellent and very smart reasons why you live with your parents. You also have some kind of plan/goal in mind to get out; it’s not a permanent situation. I think those are very important factors your potential date should consider.
If they don’t, that’s okay; everyone is entitled to their own set of standards. However with that being said, in my opinion if someone isn’t willing to take your reasons into consideration, or your current living situation is *that* much of an issue for them, I think it’s worth taking that mental note for yourself that this particular individual is probably not the most ideal for you to date. Personally I believe being compassionate and understanding of someone’s living situation (especially in today’s world) are pretty good/important traits to have, but that’s just my opinion.
I also just want to add that while living on your own is great, it’s also **very** lonely, and the loneliness gets old real quick. I have many, many days where I wish I had roommates, but I live in a studio apartment with my two cats; there’s just enough room for us and that’s it.
Yes they care,they want to know your independent
Yes they do but it depends on your age
My bf lived at home and I had my own place when we met. It didn’t bother me and we are both older than you. He did it for the same reasons, I think it’s responsible and when we needed time away when I had roommates, we just got a hotel because he could afford it bc he lives at home.
The comments again are failing OP. In short women DO care. Reasons to an extent only subside what she really thinks. You can get away with living with your parents but don’t expect the relationship to be super long term i.e. over a year. There’s very specific reasons why women want their man to have his own place.
Yes it matters .
For us in our 30s: Less you’re in grad school
I’m 33 and still live with my parents but I pay rent
This is a US problem only. Several other countries and cultures you stay at home and is not a problem ( male or female). My son stayed as long as he wanted to, his girlfriend is part of the family and never had an issue with it. I cooked and cleaned ( my choice) and worked, he help with bills, laundry, his younger sibling. It was never an issue. My son is very conservative and plans for his future, so is his girlfriend who happened to live with an aunt. If it works for you, the right woman would completely understand.
the fact you’re asking means you know the answer. even if they don’t, you gotta have a plan to move out.
It’s smarter financially, and more family-minded to remain living at home.
Unfortunately, as a man in this society, you are not allowed that luxury. Your gender role is very clear. You must leave home and forge your own path.
You can, of course, violate this norm, but you will be ridiculed and more socially isolated the older you become.
I’m 27 and I don’t care at all- but that’s because I live on my own with no roommates- so we can always go back to my place haha. I wish I had the option of living with my parents but I don’t. It is financially smarter in this day and age but I mean if one of us is doing it I wouldn’t mind.
26 M here still living at home.
Basically I’m trying to build a business while taking care of my parents in their late 60s. My mom can’t drive legally anymore and my father’s cognitive functions are starting to decline. I’m trying to hold everything together here as I am the last one of my siblings and am taking the responsibility of the house as much as I can. My mornings and afternoons consist of working from home online and having that space to take my parents on errands and drive them places, doctor’s appointments etc and I work for the rest of the night till 10pm and have the rest of the day to myself with privacy and we make it work. It’s just at that point where my parents are getting older and have more difficulties taking care of things and I try to pickup the slack it can be hard but I try to do as much as I can while still having a private life of my own and such.
I’ve talked to a number of women online from matches and some IRL and every single one I’ve talked to lived with parents around my age as well.
Unfortunately, for women it’s okay but for us guys it’s automatically perceived as a red flag. For men either we’re auto perceived as deadbeats or losers or freeloaders at the first notion or notice of still living at home. For women it’s either because of protective parents or they haven’t found a husband yet or anything else.
Seriously though, you can hear the words “he still lives at home with parents” and everyone automatically perceives the neckbeard guy in a basement playing videogames while unemployed. Yet you hear about women still living at home and you can imagine a family focused woman who hasn’t moved out yet because she’s not married or she’s focusing on school or something similar and totally innocent.
Which was the case with most of the women I’ve talked with in the same situation. Seriously though, I’ve had so many date nights and movie nights at a girl’s home with her parents either participating or at home at the time it’s very normal in the area I’m at. Sure at that point intimacy can definitely be a bit difficult but it works out.
I’ve only ever dated one girl who lived alone in a high rise apartment in the financial district of LA and the disconnect was apparent lol she didn’t drive though she never really needed a car in LA that was kinda odd but okay. I hated driving to LA though as I live a bit more east.
My brother didn’t move out till he was almost 30 and right after getting married, same thing with his now wife who is the same age. I had the same plans of getting married and moving out and “happily ever after” before my partner passed away so I’m kinda trying to pick myself from that as well getting through the grieving process trying to move on and get myself back out there.
Sure it’s kinda awkward in that aspect when the topic comes up in dating and like I said, especially as a man, it’s already a slight hurdle. It sucks though because I feel like I have to clear myself of any doubt from her mind when it comes up because like I said that perception automatically kicks in. I’ve stopped talking and completely discounted women that focus too much on it even though they are exactly in the same boat but luckily it doesn’t happen much I haven’t had too many of those types. Most women are okay with it and some have even told me they find it an admirable quality. In my part I’ve had girls over at home before and been over to their home and usually it’s a good way to meet the parents and they try to give as much privacy as they can in most cases. With my parents they give me my space when I have company over but at least once I try to see how they connect with my parents and I’ve been vetted the same way. I’m usually pretty good with meeting a girl’s parents as well.
Like I said though, intimacy… Especially physical can be difficult but since I’m never really focused on that and I find someone similar it’s not too big a deal.
I’m a Latino male in the Los Angeles region and I can honestly tell you that well more than half of the people in my age group are in the same situation for both genders.
For us Latinx here and around the US we kind of don’t move out until after we’re married and that usually doesn’t happen till after your mid to late 20s or even 30s. It’s not just because the rent and housing prices are ridiculous either but it’s also a huge factor.
My own Sister moved out all the way to Kansas because after she got married she lived in a small converted garage and couldn’t find anything close to reasonable to rent with her husband, plus they were both undocumented at the time now full citizens.
I guess it’s also because of our Latino parents as well, with most children having to have translated everything for parents and handle stuff like that like taxes and official documents and stuff for parents.
My father has lived here 20 years and doesn’t know or speak a lick of English… and my mother while knowing enough still struggles a lot so we kinda take on that weird kind of caretaker role as the children so usually the youngest one stays after while the older siblings kinda get that escape with marriage. I’m not sure it qualifies as a cultural thing but even moving into student housing for Latinx kids isn’t an option from overprotective parents and needing that support as well.
Like you’re saying the student loans thing is also a factor I’ve seen a lot. Going and moving away for college now is becoming less of an option nowadays too.
My past partner had a ton of student debt from dropping out of one college and after going to a CA university, she was dead broke when we started dating. She was in the same situation I was but she was the oldest and was basically also a second mother to her younger siblings at the same time. (Also an unfortunate normality in the Latino community)…
Anyways with the economy going down the crapper the way it WILL continue to do so. You might expect a ton more people to live at home past maybe even 30 now with rising rent and real estate prices, gas prices skyrocketing as well, home goods and food costs going up, and jobs paying less with more hours and further and further away… Yeah we’re f*cked…
If you aren’t going to live at home maybe even AFTER marriage now you might consider moving hella far away just to make ends meet, which is something I’ve seen a lot as well from friends either moving states or living at home with mom and dad and wife as well.
Seriously, it’s not a social bias at this point, it’s becoming more of a norm so if you’re gonna be shallow about it make sure to date only from the rich communities because that’s the only place where you’re gonna be happy I guess.
Yeah, I’d say so. Funny enough, it’s cool if they live with their parents though.
Depends on why and how old you are, also are you responsible and do you prioritize your girlfriend over your parents etc do you still live like a kid there or are you acting like an adult etc etc
I’m 25F and I don’t care.
As long as their family is okay with me coming over so it’s not always at mine, and they have a plan.
Life is hard right now (and at the best of times, we all cross hurdles). Judging someone for their living situation alone is short-sighted.
Depends. Last two guys I dated lived with their mom. they were smart, ambitious, and successful though, but in their culture, sons can’t just leave their elderly parents. I come from a similar culture where sons take care of their parents, so it didn’t bother me at all.
If he’s home because he has no job, no goals.. then that’s a huge turnoff. No thanks!
Btw, the two guys I dated were in their mid-30s.
40f Im still at home but I’m doing my last semester at college. After that I’ll get a job and with any luck move out.
I’d be quite the hypocrite if I cared that my partner was in the same situation. Life sucks out there. It’s something to just have a roof over your head.
We as long as you are up front and honest with her and don’t make it a failure to launch movie it should be just fine like I said upfront and communicating is important me myself I would understand if you told me up front but some of the women out here are not as understanding as I am so I wish you luck and keep me posted let me know how it went ok happy holidays and good luck to you
The ladies aren’t going to like it, but I did the same as you. Now Im 29 with a house and it was honestly a great decision.
I mean, as long as you don’t plan on not moving out, and are doing it because of financial reasons I see no problem. Apartments today are expensive dude
Some do, some don’t. It all really just depends. I was 30 when I moved out and it has been a deal breaker for some, but others it wasn’t. There is no yes or no answer to this
Personally for me (25F) it’s a deal breaker, but there would be some exceptions. I’m very independent and want a partner that is in the same life stage as me.
I have an issue with someone who still has a parent taking care of them. If you’ve never had to keep a house together (working and doing chores) on your own/with roommates, then it’s a turn off.
Do you have to answer to your parents still? Like letting them know you won’t be home for dinner, or being home by a certain time? Both would be turn offs.
You also don’t have privacy living with parents. If we can’t opening do stuff without other people around, it’s hard to feel comfortable.
I wouldn’t let this stop you from dating. But if you are looking for women who are independent as well, its probably going to be a turn off or a deal breaker.
I agree with someone’s comment about “find woman that UNDERSTANDS” so you might need to highlight of your independence in other aspects: wash your own clothes, cook your own food (when you’re able), partly paying house bills, helping around with chores etc (i.e saying: oh I need to do some groceries after) as it gives a sense of a capable person living on their own.
Realistically, people would/should understand about living situation in this economy, I have one female friend staying with her parents (she’s 30s) and that sounds fine to me until I asked her: so do you pay any bills or groceries for your parents? And she said NONE. Although she cooks her own meals sometimes. 🤔
I couldn’t afford my own place (not staying with parents but in a house share) but personally I would make sure that I’m financially secure and independent enough before I’m dating. Because sometimes financial priorities can get in the way of relationships.
Best wishes!
I live with my parents. I do this to take care of them. I’m 31 and my dad and I are jointly paying off the house. I’m about to go back to school for my bachlors. I wonder this a lot. Sometimes I wonder if this would be an issue. No one will even date me to get far enough to see if this is an issue. But from what I’ve seen, it is an issue for a lot of people.
Honestly, I, a woman, see it as smart/good for a lot of reasons:
1. You are being financially responsible by not wasting your money on rent and instead paying off your student loans.
2. I really don’t get the issue around multiple generations living together. Now, I’m older than you, but my elderly mom lives in my home. It’s so that I can help her. She just isn’t capable of doing everything on her own anymore. So I think it’s nice when generations can live together and help each other out.
3. It’s financially wasteful to get your own place just to live alone anyway. Now, if you were getting married or going to live with a girlfriend then it’s completely understandable. However, I think just getting your own place to say “look I’m independent” is also basically saying “look I’m going to throw all this money away on rent so I look good in society.” It’s ridiculous and wasteful. Not only is it rent, but it’s all the extra bills that comes with two homes. People complain about climate change and being wasteful and then someone will get an apartment for one person and have to heat it/cool it etc.
So, honestly, I’m probably in the minority, but I see it as wasteful if you were to move out on your own at this stage in life. Wait until you have your bills taken care of and have someone you want to move in with before you go throwing away money on another place. At least as long as you get along with your parents and do your share around the house and chip in with expenses sometimes.