It annoys my wife that I don’t have any guy friends. We have great neighbors but none of the husbands ever call me to hang out or go hunting, nothing. Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest? It doesn’t bother me being alone. But boy it bothers her.
Wives or husbands, if you’re in the same situation, tell me why?
25 comments
My husband doesn’t have friends he goes and hangs out with, but he gives me alone time and we have our own interests. Does she need time to be alone or something? I don’t really see that as a problem- all our friends disappeared when we had kids and that’s not really our fault.
Yep I’m in the same boat. My wife doesn’t seem to mind. I kinda feel like she might chase me more if there was more mystery and intrigue in my life though.
I want my husband to have guy friends because I need a lot of alone time to decompress and I feel guilty leaving him without something to do. Maybe that’s why?
I think it’s important to have a community. Even if you’re an introvert (and I’m saying that as an introvert). It’s part of being healthy. It’s unfair, and unrealistic, to expect your spouse to be everything for you. Even if she’s getting time to do what she wants to do, as others have said, I still think it’s good for you to have people in your life.
My husband has three friends from high school. I always encourage him to spend time with them. Most of the time he wants me to come along. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. As long as he’s happy and doesn’t care that I go out with my friends or family I don’t care.
My husband is 48. He has one really good friend who lives 4 hours away. I became great friends with the friends’ wife 23 years ago when we were dating. We all have kids and they’re friends. We see each other 2x a year.
My husband is a total homebody and was really never a “guys night out” kinda guy. But he’d go out every once in awhile over the past 23 years we’ve been together. He has some acquaintances he’d meet up with here and there for the game or something like that. But it was very rare.
Years back when our friends came to visit they might go out for an hour or two for a beer but nothing crazy & vice versa when we came to visit.
But anymore it’s fun to do things together or with the kids. They’re all teenagers now so we can do more things with them as a group.
Edited:
I forgot to add- Running is his hobby and he meets up with a fellow runner he met in the park last year once a week to run. But they are more acquaintances that only run together.
I don’t know why wives want husbands to have guy friends. Probably because they think we are like them. We don’t need to vent our problems to friend. All we need is a beer, a good nap and a big television.
Neither of us have friends we just go hang out with on our own. We hang out as a group with some other couples at times or cook out and do bonfires with the neighbors but we don’t do guys nights or girls nights or anything like that. We prefer to spend our time together.
I think it’s important to have male friends to talk with and do stuff. It’s not the best to have a wife as the only source of socializing. But like you said, it takes time to make friends. Do the males you talk with know you’d be interested in doing activities with them?
My husband is very lonely and I really just wish his friends would make more effort. They’re all lonely and depressed, especially over the pandemic and they all would tell me about it but not talk to each other! It’s very frustrating.
His female friends on the other hand, *only* talk to him when they’re struggling and to emotionally dump on him but rarely reach it just to check in or be there when he needs someone.
I try to be as supportive as possible but he often gets in those states late at night while I’m asleep or he worries about only relying on me for support.
It’s healthy to have a life outside of your relationship, and it’s healthy to have people to turn to other than your partner. Being your partners _only_ source of socialization and emotional support puts way too much pressure on you.
My husband is a true introvert. He has a few old friends. He sees them 1 time per year at most. He enjoys keeping up with people online or through text. He loves people but not to hang out with. It does not bother me. I love being together with him. We get tons of quality time together. Thankfully, he does love hanging out with me. Lol
My husband and I don’t really have any friends close by. We don’t spend 100% of our time together, for example if I want to visit my sister or something he always encourages me to do it, but I’m usually busy with our toddler and he has his own hobbies. Obviously different couples have different dynamics but I’m not bothered that he doesn’t go out with other guys or have a male best friend..
I don’t really have any close friends outside of my wife.
I spend all day at work surrounded by a lot of people and I spend my entire day talking and explaining stuff.
The last thing I want to do once I leave work is deal with more people! To be honest I even get impatient sometimes when the kids want to talk to me after work, although I try not to show it.
When we meet people together I let my wife do the talking because I just lose patience with small talk very quickly and tend to start looking disinterested.
I totally get why you have no interest in social interaction when you don’t have to.
It’s good to have social support, in general, whether that looks like friends or otherwise, outside of your marriage.
I don’t really have any close friends, certainly not anyone I’d consider a “best friend” any longer. Well, maybe one, but we still only see or talk to each other every few months.
I used to have a large group I did things with, back when I belonged to a MC (motorcycle club) but I dropped out of that due to ridiculous drama you’d think a bunch of older people would have gotten past.
I still know many of them, ride with them and see them a few times a year, but they are more acquaintances than real friends. And not anyone I’d really spill my heart out to.
No, I don’t need close male friends, I don’t mind staying home these days. I sowed my oats a long time ago, now my oats are kinda mushy, and they are glad with thier own company 🙂
My H doesn’t have any friends that he calls/hangs out with. He does stuff with his brothers or my bil’s (sisters husbands) once in a while(mainly hunting and fishing). He mainly stays home with us most of the time. I don’t mind if he stays with us or go do stuff with them. He’s a friendly guy but prefers to stay home and do stuff with us. I have no complaints either way.
I don’t think it’s a MUST, but it’s highly valuable and healthy for anyone to have friends and social interaction outside their familiar circle.
My husband doesn’t really have anyone to hangout with besides my siblings and I. Not that it’s an issue because I love that he wants to and gets along with my siblings but like I said, it’s healthy and meaningful to make and maintain your own separate friendships.
People, what is wrong with you?! Stop debating whether or not the wife’s request is valid!!
Either he makes friends for HIMSELF. Or HE decides to not make friends. A friendship pursued at a partners behest is not a real friendship. It’s controlling behavior. Consider the response of a male telling a female to drop her friends?
Friends? What are friends?
I’m a husband and don’t have any friends to hang out with either. I ‘do’ have life long friends but we all live in different states. My wife does her own thing with no issues, she just got back from a cruise with her sisters. All good by me! It would be nice to have a guy pal, like all the pals I had back in the day. Back then we were chasing girls though, can’t do any of that now. Not a hunter or golfer, so not much for me a a dude pal to do really, men are not like girls, we don’t just chill and talk about our wife’s like wife’s talk about their husbands.
Nope. I care more about if I need me time does he respect it.
Friends will come and go throughout your life. Theres a good chance youll be pretty much friendless at some point.
You seem to be having the opposite situation from of a lot of couples whose problems begin when friends start taking away family time and they lose focus on obligations.
You sound like a prize to most people. Loyal, content, considerate, plenty of self love, willing to compromise.
I say don’t look for problems where there are none.
We moved fairly recently and with Covid first and now a baby I didn’t exactly go out to a lot of stuff where I’d meet other guys so my social calendar is pretty light. I guess my question is why this concerns her.
I wish he had more friends close by. He needs someone other than me to hang with. I have a couple friends but we only rarely get together, plus I genuinely prefer being by myself. I like watching TV alone or playing a video game without him around, so if he had friends to be with I’d feel less guilty about it. And now that we sleep in separate rooms he is even more lonely and I feel bad. He really needs a friend.