Been on five dates with this guy and I asked him should we see other people when he goes away for a couple months on a trip.
He said we have options to choose what to do with us but what we have right now is good. Does he not want a relationship or a relationship with me?
We’re most likely going to be physically intimate on our next date (just made out once and a kiss) but his response left me feeling apprehensive and I rather not waste my time if he’s not feeling the same way.
14 comments
If anything I think he’s afraid of losing you to another guy.
it sounds like he may not want to commit to anything before the trip, but wouldn’t mind if you waited for him
I would not have sex with him until you get some clarity on what you and him are. And then have sex only if you are comfortable with what you two are.
Have sex if you want to. Period. But know you are having sex and not “making love”. Separate them and just keep communicating with him about what definition you have of things
Usually means he’s not interested in a relationship, just FWB.
36M It means he’s getting ready to dump you.
Whenever someone starts expressing happy feelings about you, it’s a telltale sign that they’re getting ready to end things.
When I was 20 I dated a girl who decided to go steady with me. Two days after Christmas she told me I was “just a friend”.
Two years ago I dated a girl who said she was falling for me. A few weeks later she told me she “couldn’t see us having a future together.”
Last year I dated a girl who worked an opposite schedule from mine. She told me that we’d “make it work”. That only lasted two months before we both threw in the towel.
Last month I started talking to a girl I dated last year. We decided to give it another try. She changed her mind a few days later and now she’s seeing somebody else.
Do yourself a favour and kick him to the curb before he does the same to you.
I interpret this to mean that “whatever will happen, will happen,” and that he’s not overly invested one way or the other.
Does he want a relationship with you? If *you* do, then he’d be sorta OK with this (I know… *not* exactly the ringing endorsement you were hoping for!).
If not, he’s willing to let it lie for a couple months, and not be heavily invested in what you’ve done so far. And probably expect to pick up right where you left off when he returns.
If I were you, I’d roll up the “physically intimate” welcome mat, and put it away out of sight…
… and basically go on with your life. Don’t wait around for these two months while he is gone. He had his chance to make some kind of progress with you, but apparently didn’t make the best use of it.
Besides, he might meet someone while he’s away.
So, the “percentage move” here is to let this one float away on the breeze, and move on down the trail of life.
Five dates in and you have no idea what the sex is like? Stop trying to get a full scope of the relationship.
Just focus on whether you want to see him again, and if so, if you want to have sex. That’s it. Save all other thinking until after the wild (or tepid) bone fiesta.
I think he’s saying that he is just enjoying his time with you and you’ll cross that bridge when you get there. It’s still a couple months away. Don’t sleep with him if you’re not sure .
You should ask him to clarify exqctly “what we have right now” is to him, or is it just enough to get date 6. I know communication can be scary but it’s so much easier to be direct, regardless of the answer at least you will know for your peace of mind.
Only 5 dates and you feel this way, that could be a sign within itself. You got this girl
If you want a straight answer from him, just ask him directly if you’re that confused.
As for his response, I’ve said this myself when I, in fact, am happy with a current situation. Being that, we’re having fun right now and just taking it day by day and not girlfriend/boyfriend yet, so lets not rush into anything serious yet.
Now if you really feel like you want to be his girlfriend before you sleep with him, then I suggest you ask him straight up. Otherwise you might end up on very opposite ends of where you think you two are.
It’s completely backwards
>He said what we have right now is good. What does this mean?
It means he doesn’t want to commit to anything before the trip. After he comes back and if you’re both single, then you can talk about it then.
Sleep with him, don’t sleep with him, that’s up to you. But think of it like a one off and he may go off and be with another girl when he’s away. Otherwise, save it for when he comes back, if you haven’t met a new guy by then.
I think the best course of action would be to ask him directly. I have been seeing someone recently and he sat me down and told me as much as he likes hanging out with me, this is casual. I was like cool, thinking let me not delete hinge.
He told me this before we were intimate because I made him when things got hot and heavy (definitely not the best time to ask) but he was honest. He was texting me everyday, hanging up pictures of me we took together, I was meeting his friends. I thought this was all weird for “casual.”
Then i had an international trip planned and mentioned I was looking forward to being a free agent since we were casual and seeing other people. His mouth hit the ground. He said he did use the word casual but he didn’t at all mean that we see other people.
He said he meant since we are so new, he didn’t want to call his boyfriend and girlfriend and give us a title but wants to date exclusively and he agreed he was an idiot for using the word casual. So we’ve dropped that to describe our situation.
I still think he’s an idiot haha but you don’t know until you clarify. So I definitely wouldn’t let your guy get away without giving you a clear answer. I’m sure he’s looking forward to hooking up with you but don’t let yourself be used if you only want to hook up with someone who wants to date you exclusively.