When was the last time you shit your pants?

15 comments

1. Elementary school

2. 50 years ago. I was 4.

3. I got drunk on St. Patrick’s Day one year and came home blacked out and shit all over the kitchen floor. In my pants, of course… But I was covered in it. My roommates found me.

   I am forever changed. Life was different after.

4. Last month, I was sick

5. 1995. Was playing a show with my band and got very, very sick driving home. Clenched all the way while driving home, got about 2 minutes from home and the dam burst lol.

   Drove the rest of the way half standing up so I didn’t get shit on my seats, got home, went directly to the shower and cleaned up.

   The underwear AND the pants were disposed of.

   The only think that 18 year old me was worried about was that my parents would think I was coming home drunk, which I was not.

6. Trying to get home one evening after a few drinks. Racing home, squeezing my cheeks as hard as I can. Get into the driveway, run to the door…..Didn’t make it. Think I was 26.

7. Looks at watch…

8. Sharted while standing at a urinal at work.

9. Had norrovirus

   Didn’t make it from my bed to the bathroom quite quick enough.

10. About 5 minutes ago.😀

11. monday

12. Couple years ago. I thought it was a fart, but I was wrong.

13. Sometime in the early 80s around age 3 or 4. It’s been a while.

14. 6th grade. Literally had the worst stomachache of my life and wasn’t allowed to use the restroom. Thought I’d fart to relieve the tension, shit my pants. Thankfully this was around the time when we were released for the day so I booked it back home.

    The fact that I can still vividly remember this experience that 10 or 11 year old me had while not remembering almost anything else from elementary school should tell you how embarrassing it was

15. Kind of, once: I was on a week-long self-supported backpacking trip and woke up in my tent at around 2 a.m. realizing it was time for a faster-than-average dash for the bushes. I almost made it, the first splatter hit my undies, which I proceeded to bury (don’t worry, biodegradeable material) along with the excrement. After my body had emptied the entire digestive tract, using the exits at both ends, the real challenge was walking the rest of the trip after not being able to keep anything in for something like 36 hours. It’s fair to say I was running on fumes for a couple of days.

    To this day I don’t know if I got it from my hiking buddy who was not known for stellar levels of hygiene, or if there was something wrong with my food.