My husband thinks I’m punishing him by deliberately not talking to him
My(36F) husband(37M) doesn’t like to talk. At all. I have tried everything.. And we had a big fight about this 2 years back (about a year and a half into marriage) and he eventually said, this is me, take it or leave it.
He is otherwise a considerate person and he does have many lovely qualities. Where we left that fight was me telling him that while things are fine for now, this attitude will cause us problems down the line when we actually face tough times.
I was pregnant at the time, though we didn’t know it. We’ve also had some rough times since then, with him losing his job and me having post partum depression. I have tried my best to support him during this time. As for me i thankfully have 2 wonderful friends who have supported me through this. They encouraged me to go to a doctor and I finally did 2 months back. I was diagnosed with depression and am currently taking medication. My husband only realised that something was amiss with me when I went to the doctor.. He is upset that I don’t share my troubles with him and do so with my friends instead. I have tried explaining that that’s because I have conversations with my friends and not with him. He thinks I’m being vindictive and playing some sort of a tit-for-tat game. How do I explain the importance of day to day conversation to him?
Tl;dr me and my husband don’t talk. He thinks I’m not sharing my troubles with him because he doesn’t share his with me. I’m trying to explain that it’s because we just don’t have conversations. How do I help him see this?
4 comments
Bit confused about how one can have lovely partner qualities if they don’t talk.. no how was your day? No complaining about politics or potholes or the neighbour’s loud poodle?
This sounds difficult. Communication is clearly not his strong point…I can see how someone can give you a lot in different ways other than conversation and I’m glad you have found that you can go to your friends. Maybe tell him that it makes you feel cared for that he’s upset that you didn’t go to him but you’re having trouble figuring out if and when you can go to him since you both already agreed that talking on a day to day basis is out for you. Ask him to help find a solution together that works for you both. Does he only want you to talk to him when it’s serious, like with your mental health? Does that work for you? It might help to explain that when you’re going through depression you don’t necessarily know what’s wrong and it can be hard to bring up when it’s just a vague sense of sadness unless somebody actively asks you how you are doing.
Well being a guy, talking about feelings/troubles/anything important is difficult, if not impossible.
Listening to those things, the same.
Understanding what I was listening to the same.
Couples therapy should be on the cards. Good luck
Your husband is justified in being upset. You’re his wife, and didn’t share information that directly affects him and your child with him. If you guys are at the point that you won’t even tell him about serious mental health issues, then you need to be in couple’s counseling because there’s a communication breakdown.