What are some good things to say to a young girl so she can grow up being able to have strong boundaries?

10 comments

1. Teach her young that she can reject any form of touch/hugs even by family, if she wants to. Stand up to relatives for her and help her uphold boundaries when she’s too young to uphold them against adults on her own. Teaching boundaries is not enough, you also have to teach her how to uphold them, how to react to them being broken and how to recognize and respect other people’s boundaries.

2. IMO the best thing is not what you say to her but what you show to her – that is if your her Mum then standing up for yourself and maintaining boundaries is the most important thing.

   Other things you can do, is react positively when you see a women with strong boundaries. And obviously to respect their boundaries!

3. Don’t say, just act. If she sais no, respect her no. Do the same in front of her: set boundaries in front of her, that are reasonable and set them in a respectful way.
   If she really is a child, you can help her with little things. For example if you ask her to play hide and seek, and you see she is in doubt, you can tell her it’s okey to say no.

   Boost her confidence, tell her what she deserves and be a good example. I guess that’s what helps the best

4. No is a full sentence

5. You are NOT responsible for anyone else’s expectations of you.

6. It’s okay to say no. You are not responsible for everyone else’s happiness. It’s okay to put yourself first. You don’t have to do everything that people ask you to do. It’s okay to say no even if you feel guilty. Your feelings and needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

7. Teach her to stand up for herself and how to verbalize her own boundaries. If you accidentally break it or you’re approaching it and she tells you, immediately stop and say, “Okay, I hear you ______. I won’t do it again.” Normalizing it at home will help her manage expectations when she’s older.

   My three year old learned “I need some space!” in daycare, and we always respect it at home.

   We repeat back what he says, give him some physical space, and tell him we’re here for him if he needs us.

   If I want to cuddle him and he says no, I acknowledge the “no” and stop. If someone else is breaking his boundary, I will advocate for my child and reiterate their boundary.

8. Remember that she deserves her bodily autonomy and personal privacy *even from you* when she wants it. The rules don’t change because you’re her parent.

9. Teach her that being single is perfectly okay. Having a partner means it’s a partnership and both parties work at the relationship.

10. Teach her to always tell another trusted adult if someone touches her, but most importantly that it’s not her fault. I always grew up thinking that it was always my fault if someone did something to me that made me uncomfortable and felt a lot of shame and insecurity. So it’s important to reassure my future kids that if anything happens its not their fault and we’ll get through it together.