I’ve been married 7 years. 2 young children with my husband. He has an older daughter he raised on his own. We live in Ohio. His family is from upstate NY. Despite the distance, they are a close family.
Every time we visit his family his sisters and mom like to point out how terrible of a mother I am. If my children aren’t behaving as they think they should or aren’t eating what they want…I get told. They sometimes ride my husband about it.
One sister in law is particularly harsh. This past week at Thanksgiving she even said she had advised my husband not to have anymore children (meaning my children) right in front of everyone as I was holding my two year old next to her!
Well, I never say anything. But, I told my husband he should stick up for me. I guess he finally did while I took the kids to the park. Both sisters drove to the park so the really mean one could cuss me out in front of my children! It was terrible.
Afterwards, she acted like I didn’t exist. I left and did not stay for dinner etc.
I told my husband I did not want to go there for Christmas. Christmas is a big deal for his family and his mother is getting up there in years.
So, he will probably take the kids and I will stay home?
Do I insist they not go? I don’t want to take that away from them and I think that could ruin my marriage. Staying home could ruin it to.
I told my husband she crossed the line and he needs to talk to her. I expect an apology. He said he would talk to her. He hasn’t spoken to her yet. She is a bully and everyone lets her be.
He told me to not take it personally and ignore it. My mother in law said I was being stupid for leaving. I told her I was done. Her daughter should be ashamed of herself for doing that in front of my children.
Need advice on what i should do? This is not the relationship I wanted with his family.
4 comments
As a child, my dad took us around his family without my mom. I didn’t pay attention. It was only after my grandparents had passed, and I was an adult that my mom told me that they were horrible to her.
Nothing my dad could say would change, so they decided it was important for us kids to see them here and there, but my mom would be “busy” at that time.
As a child, I appreciate that I got to know my dads family.
If they going to treat you and your children that way imagine how they’ll treat your kids if you are not there
Young children act poorly often, it’s just something they go through and need to be supported through
Mann I would feel so unsafe for my babies going somewhere like that without me!
OP you all go, or just your husband, his choice on the last option
His family is abusing you. You do NOT have to allow it, and he shouldn’t either. If they can’t be civil, none of you should go. It’s okay if they don’t like you, but they absolutely better be civil to you.
It will be hard for him to stand up to them. He’s used to this behavior, but it does not mean it should be accepted.
Good luck. I’m really sorry this happened.
Ok, so they pick on you both, but you more? Your husband talks to them, and they get mad but instead of talking it out with him, they attack you? You see the pattern, they concentrate their attacks on the easier target. It’s a conflict resolution style focused on winning rather than resolving. So imagine how much easier a target your kids would be. And having family members do that is a horrible role model for your kids, making it more likely they will develop that same habit or the behavior will be normalized that they won’t stand up for themselves when other do it to them. If you’re going to be around them, your kids need to at least see both you and your husband set and maintain boundaries.
But in general, I say let your husband go on his own if he wants, but not you or the kids. Maybe spend the holidays with your family and then have a celebration later with all of you minus the two SIL?