I apologize in advance if this may be a repeat question (I wasn’t sure how to go about searching for this kind of advice in this sub). Anyways, let me set the scene here: I (22F) had made plans to see this new guy (21M) I was talking to online for a bit and he had gone out of his way to make plans to see me. He was super kind and everything. I had been looking forward to it all week since my body was craving sex (I’m pretty inexperienced and it was only my third time doing it), but I had struggled to get aroused before we started the intercourse. In general, I struggle with this, but it seemed worse than last time for no good reason.
For more context, I don’t respond to any outer stimulation at all, so oral does nothing for me. It’s not until I’m getting fingered that I start to feel something. It’s so strange. It’s like I’ll be thinking about it until the moment we meet and then my body can’t align with my mind when I try to actually have sex. My mind is in the moment wanting it at that exact moment, but I struggle to physically get aroused. It’s like there’s a mismatch in communication between my own mind and body. Why is that? None of my medications affect my libido and I’m genuinely interested in the guy I’m seeing. I wasn’t anxious upon meeting him and was looking forward to it. I still felt good, but I know it could’ve been better purely because of me. He’s doing everything right and there are even some newer things I want to try with him. He even complimented me numerous times telling me it was some of the best sex he’s ever had and that he liked my company. What’s going on here?
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Keep in mind there’s a difference between arousal and desire! I’m not sure if this is the same issue you’re having, but I’d often desire (be mentally horny for) a boy, but wouldn’t be physically aroused. Or the opposite, I’d feel that pang, that throb down there but think “now isn’t the time or place!!” It can be difficult to line up those feelings as a woman, but I’d say try to channel the thoughts and feelings you have about him. They’re there, they just have to ge stirred up. Get out of your head about it! Just feel. Or Imagine you’re a fuckin mermaid and he’s a pirate, so what you gotta do.