I (24F) on occasion get flirted with by men and women. I could be relatively friendly with the person, but the moment they begin to flirt, I get upset and what I believe to be irrationally angry. I usually just remove myself from the person’s life, even if they were someone I was friendly with. I’ll go so far as to even delete/not use social media as to avoid talking to them and avoid places I’ve seen them at before. I’ve even broken down in tears a couple of times after being flirted with.
I wouldn’t say that I’m averse to flirting, as I have been in a relationship before and was fine. Now, if anyone flirts with me, I lose any feelings I had towards them (romantic or friendly). Just thinking about it makes me nervous and irritated. Guess I’m just wondering if it’s normal to feel this way. I’m tired of feeling so off when someone shows interest.
24 comments
No its not normal to feel that way, unless the person hitting on you is ugly
I’m not sure anyone here has the answers for you but, if you would like to talk about I’m a good listener
I wouldn’t think it’s normal unless depends if it’s a professional setting or something. Maybe you have low self esteem and feel you are “unworthy??” To be flirted with? I’m guessing here.
I’m the same way. It sort of feels like they’re trying to manipulate me?
Have you been through some trauma? I might be wrong but it seems like you’re getting triggered. The crying especially seems like a trauma response
I get pretty uncomfortable when someone I’m not interested in starts flirting with me. I become a thousand times more uncomfortable if I’m in a group, like out to dinner and there’s an audience. I shut right down.
The deleting them and avoiding places you’ve been with them? No that’s not normal.
I’ve got a mountain of ptsd from csa. I’m guessing this plays a huge role in my inability to tolerate it. If that resonates with you, you should speak to somebody.
I wouldn’t say normal, but I would certainly say common. I definitely felt similarly when I was younger but it felt a lot less intense as I’ve gotten older.
I get uncomfortable too 😅 mostly from low self-perception and trauma response, I believed I was unlovable. Also I didn’t know how to respond to it 😅
There’s always a reason why we do what we do and react the way we do. When you explore it and know why, you’re able to develop strategies on how to deal with it 🙂
I become vastly irritated and offended of people get flirty in a sexual way like I’m not fucking easy and I’m a intellectual! Idk what it’s called either so I hope this discussion opens up a needed discussion about individuals like us
I think you should feel good about it because it should tell you how attractive you are
Anger is not a normal or healthy response to someone showing interest in you. I would definitely invest some time in exploring and deconstructing your beliefs around these interactions/situations.
I ve never become someone who men or women constantly flirted with but when i feel someone try to flirt with me and i m not interesred i basically make them run away and it works fine. Like i was making very very bad jokes everytime they complimenting me about their compliment or i constantly talk about my exes or someone i m in love at the moment. Eventually they give up and leave.
I go through something similar. It’s mostly with guys at work. I’m cordial with them but they’ll start to ask to hang out outside of work and I’m not really down for that. I start to distance myself from them and talk to them less. I’ll even try to avoid them if possible.
Indian girl by any chance? 😀
It’s not a healthy response, it feels like it’s a response coming from trauma/low self worth/skewed values. Maybe something worth exploring in therapy if you’d be interested
Being annoyed/uncomfortable/upset by someone flirting with you is one thing, but your reaction is unusually strong. It’s definetely not normal, but you have to see if that bothers you too much.
If you think about when that started or if it’s always been this way that could be a good jumping off point.
How they flirt compared to your previous partner could be a factor.
As a more temporary solution you could be upfront with people and tell them you don’t like flirting before you get the chance to.
However you choose to approach this, good luck!
I’ll echo what some of the others have said – angry and losing ALL feelings toward them indicates a YOU problem.
It’s one thing if someone really is repulsive and won’t take a polite rejection, forcing you to be the asshole.
Did you have some stalker type experience? A close best friend that then tried to turn it sexual? Someone in power over you who incessantly flirted with you that you couldn’t easily shut down hard?
In short, WHO HURT YOU to cause this over-exaggerated reaction to a very normal thing people do?
No, you need to speak with a psychologist. You seem to have a severe form of rejection sensitive dysphoria and your brain is taking flirting as they’re rejecting you for you and only want you for something else. Your problem won’t go away by reading anything here. You need a professional to walk you through the steps to get over this.
No, not normal.
Not close to normal either I’d imagine.
Something must’ve went wrong in your mind with a past memory or something that connects the two?
Well, I consider myself a friendly guy and like to joke and banter, regardless of sex and attraction. Now I’ve been told I’m a good flirt many times, although that wasn’t my intention, it’s the way I’m.
So may be the people you’re interacting with perceiving your friendliness as flirting and just reciprocating or may be you’re taking their friendliness as flirting.
If you feel someone is flirting, just don’t reciprocate. If they don’t get the hint, you can remove them from your life; but, if they do get the hint, I’d say give them a chance. Also, just because they’re flirting doesn’t mean they are bad people, they just like you.
My guess is that you have some traumatic experience of someone disrespecting your boundaries and you “carry this into” this situation?
Being flirted with could just be merely seen as a compliment – YOU have the choice to engage or not. However the fact that it makes you upset could mean that you have learned, at some point, that you have no choice and are forced to “like someone back”. Hence your upset reaction.
Yeah because they are the only ones you aren’t attracted to who flirt with you. If it was someone you’re attracted to, flirting will be not the problem
It seems you make them responsible for your feelings. Instead of setting boundaries ( witch can be very scary and give negative feelings ) you avoid it by cutting the people out of your life. You are making yourself a spiral towards bigger negative feelings that way.
None of these actions are normal or healthy responses to flirting, and makes me think there is some kind of trauma you really need to speak to a therapist about. If something is forcing you to completely abandon friendships as well as entire spaces or alter your identity (even if it is just an online one) then you really need to see a therapist about it since it is having a major, negative impact on your life.