English is not my first language, so please forgive me for possible grammar and other mistakes.
I (32f) dating for almost two years a guy (29m). We are in polyamory relationship, dating and having relationship with other people. Recently we started to live together. Also in August I was on a peak of my depression and in the middle of break up of another partner. So I was super low and mostly was lying and crying. It ended up in gaining 5-6 kilos. To explain my body type: I’m Asian and tend to gain weight mostly in my belly. Now I’m 165 cm and 66 kilos. And I thought that yes I gained, but I’m still quite normal, not obese etc. My boyfriend at the same time is super thin and athletic, he works out a lot and likes his body. He always said that he is not sexually attracted to fat people, but I thought that he meant really big and that it’s not related to me.
Last months I noticed that we don’t have sex as often as before. Now it happens maybe once per week. I tried to initiate, but he always found reasons like he is to tired, or it’s too late etc.
Today I asked him again what’s wrong. And one of the reasons was that I gained weight in my belly.
I’m hurt and was crying a lot. And I was trying to explain to him that it’s fatphobic and objectifying women. He says that it’s normal to have preferences.
I don’t understand, if I’m wrong or right. And if I’m right, how to explain to him and what to do?
TLDR: My boyfriend last months had less sex with me, when I asked him why he said that he doesn’t want me as much as before because I gained (5 kilos). What should I do?
5 comments
It’s normal to have preferences, it’s not normal to date someone who doesn’t fit your preferences and then mould them into what you want, it’s exploitative and manipulative.
It’s not your job to educate him about objectification, I highly doubt you can change his mind, but it is your job to recognise when you are being objectified and remove yourself from the situation. You owe it to yourself to recognise when you’re dating a douche and to stop dating said douche.
I mean its normal to have preferences. Dont date someone whos going to judge you like that.
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You ask him what’s wrong and he told you, the answer to the problem is really simple either you listen to your partner and find a way to increase libido so you can turn him on or you live with having less sex now. You can’t force him to have sex with you specifically since he is not in the mood for it. Both of you need to make an effort and no he is not being fatphobic or objectifying women in fact the only one who is objectifying is you, he is not your sex doll that you use when you want where you want, both most consent to sex that simple.
And this is the difference between sex and love.