To make a long story short I (24M) met a girl (25F) on Bumble and we really hit it off. Fun and kind communication, comfortability checks, jokes, stories, it was going really well. We decided for a date. I got reservations, I went shopping for an outfit, practiced driving to all the new spots we were gonna go, I was ready. This would be my first ever date and I was very nervous and excited. Sadly, last evening she sent a text that basically said, “I’m sorry I have to cancel our date. My dog died. I’d like to be alone”. I responded by saying something similar to, “I’m so sorry that happened. Take as much time as need and do whatever you need to do to heal. I’m truly sorry for your lost”. And now I’m kinda just here, I feel disappointed and saddened, but also like I shouldn’t be as she’s the one that had a loss while I just don’t get a date. It’s sad and a bit weird and I’m not sure where to go. Not sure if I should continue to contact her at all or to completely leave her be. I’m kinda stuck.
36 comments
This was last evening? When she sent the message?
Sounds like you don’t believe her dog died. If you did you wouldn’t be making this post about yourself.
So wait to hear back from her. If she reaches out, set up a new date.
my dog died the other week and i had to cancel a date the last minute. it’s a heartbreaking thing to go through so dating was the last thing on my mind and there’s no way i would’ve felt like socializing or been good company. be understanding and supportive and not take it personally
Yeah… two things to unpack here…
1. this post is about you and how it made you feel…. If you truly believed her reason for cancelling, it would be about feeling bad she lost an important part of her life. If that is the case, you’ve got some trust issues you need to work through my friend.
2. If you do believe her, give her a few days, send her a kind message (not bringing up the date) and let her know you’re thinking about her and to let you know if she needs anything… Be there for HER
I wish you luck.
You practiced driving to the fucking date??
Dude lol you better develop some more self worth and self love because you’re gonna experience flakes and wishy washy women while you’re out here dating and meeting women….This situation is really nothing and your best move (if you wanna do this) is to just tell her to msg you when she’s ready to meet up and after that stop talking to her, continue meeting women though! this shit should be like a non stop thing, even when you match with a woman on the app who you like you should still be swiping after that , matching with more girls. Keep going, btw if she didn’t offer to reschedule she probably wasn’t interested in you. You may have said something that turned her off cause you were talking to her way too much when you should’ve just set the date and left it at that.
A girl I planned a date with told me she couldn’t go anymore & left it at that but the next day told me her dog died & that she’s sorry. I of course didn’t doubt it & I don’t think you should either. This girl you’re speaking with needs time to heal from that, you can check up on her every now and then but yeah a date is one of the last things on her mind right now.
She could have ghosted or just cancelled with no explanation if she wanted to but she apologized & let you know that her dog died. So either trust her & get out of your own head or keep doubting her & make things worse. Like, if you think she’s lying, what now? Do you want her to send you a picture or something to confirm it? There’s nothing else to really do but to have trust in her & see what happens next.
If she needs time, give her time. If you keep contacting her, it will seem desperate. If she really is just using this opportunity to cancel on you (really unlikely), then contacting her won’t help that situation either. Your best course of action is to let it be and not obsess. Pick up a hobby or something, if you can’t stop thinking about contacting her – give her the choice to continue when she’s ready. Dogs are like family to some people.
She might be full of shit. She might be telling the truth. Either way you left the ball in her court. If she’s interested, she’ll reach out. If not, she won’t. Move on.
I didn’t read the line that said this is your first date. Check up on her in a few days just to ask if everything is okay and somewhere in there mention rescheduling the date but in a way where she has to be the one to hit you up about it. If she’s still interested she’ll message you again but if not, oh well, keep meeting new women
Her dog died. She’s doing the right thing on her end. It wouldn’t be fair to you if she showed up on that date. She would be too sad and distracted to be a good date. Keep swiping and meeting new people. She’ll reach out eventually if she wants to pick up where things left off.
Honestly keep doing what you are doing brother give her her time. It pretty much boils down to
A) she liked you enough and now is bs you cuz she wants to date another guy more, you probably did fine to score date initially.
B) dog actually died, let her get back to you
C) she’s all over the map and doesn’t know what she wants, in which case your not out a loss
If my dog dies the last thing on my mind is a random guy. Its best to move on.
That was the perfect response to send back ❤️ give her some time I’m sure she will make contact in her own time. Don’t think too much into it. Pets are family and so much more to people so may take time.
Just unbelievably bad timing.
I’m terrified of the day my dog dies, and I already lost one before. It’s really, really bad.
Give her time and space, let her reach out to you.
And move on with your life.
I would be inconsolable if my pet died. Give her time and then reach out to see how she is.
Mistake #1
Over-investing in total stranger. Don’t. Ever. Here you are hurt over something that’s a completely normal and shitty part of dating. Until you meet, she’s just a possibility, nothing more.
Mistake #2
Over-doing first meet, it’s not a date. Don’t get reservations, buy outfits, go beyond the basics of showing up for a drink or a chill event. Setting yourself up for disaster.
Mistake #3
Still clinging to it. You gave her a reasonable response if her excuse is legit (probably not), so now you just move on and never look back. If she wants to meet you, she’ll reach out. If she doesn’t? You’re already gone.
People say all kinds of crap to not show up to a date and that text is one of them. It’s uncertain if he dog actually did pass away or not, to me that sounds like it’s a 50/50 chance it’s an excuse. But if she is being truthful just give her space. Maybe check in with her in 2-3 days and see how he’s doing. If she wants to see you she will. I don’t want you to be strung along but if her dog did die she will need time to grieve. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, still keep seeing and talking to other women! She’s no the only one and you haven’t even met her. She’s a stranger to you.
Wish her condolences on her dog’s passing and move on to someone else.
You invested wayyy too much into this date brother. Making reservations (1st dates should never be in sit-down restaurants), shopping for a new outfit, I mean you even practiced driving to the venue. Expectations of this date — of her — were way too high.
Next move? Nothing. You handled this perfectly, so don’t mess it up by following up with her, sending her “thoughts and wishes” texts, or becoming her orbiter.
If her dog actually died, but she was interested, you’ll hear from her again.
If she was lying, well, would you want to date human trash who would lie about something like that to get out of a date?
Plan casual, fun, laid-back dates with low expectations. Meet up at a local bar for a drink, or a cozy cafe for coffee. Dress nicely for your age, but not formally. When there’s a lot of pomp and circumstance on a 1st date, women feel put-upon and uncomfortable by the expectation that they need to “live up” to the date and offer something (sex) in return. It also reeks of insecurity on the man’s part. Fancy dates are for girlfriends and wives, not strangers.
Her dog died. You’re so selfish.
36M – One girl cancelled our date day of due to COVID… I was unmatched less than an hour later 😬. My advice to you would be to level expectations while still staying positive.
My apologies brother I know how exciting it can be to have a first date with someone you find attractive. Don’t let it get to you too bad though! Stuff like this happens all the time, even to me. It isn’t the end of the world.
Hey man part of online dating is people canceling on you. Its happened to me at least 5 times since ive been using dating apps. Even if things seem to go really well. Best not to take it personally and move on, if you dont hear back from her.
It’s fine to feel a little sad that the date you had planned isn’t going to happen; you were looking forward to it, and now it’s (ideally) going to be delayed. I don’t know if there’s a better word to describe that feeling of “I’m sad that this thing I was excited about isn’t going to happen right now for completely understandable reasons”, but you’re not wrong for feeling it.
That said, this isn’t on her, and she’s probably feeling a little bit of the same thing; it’s very likely she would much rather go on a date with you than deal with her pet dying.
She said she wanted to be alone, so let her be for now. Check back in with her in a day or two and see how she’s holding up; it’s perfectly normal to ask if someone is okay when they’re dealing with a loss.
Either she’s lying or you’re unlucky. Love and relationships is 10% skill 90% luck and 100% opportunity.
Let it go, move on. And by that I don’t mean that you should slam that door closed and never let it open again, we aren’t there yet but shut it for now. She knows how to get ahold of you and will if she wants to. Until then, just start the process over again. This time, don’t get so emotionally invested. Have a quick chat, propose a date, then go on it.
First dates should be pretty fun, easy, and affordable, with a low minimum for time commitments. Yes, they can be more expansive if you two hit it off, but I normally don’t plan it that way. I’ve been on my share of first dates that started as drinks, turned into a late dinner, back into drinks, and ended at the sun coming up. It happens, but you can’t plan it. So pick something simple and easy that allows you two to talk and get to know each other. Dinner can sometimes be a bit formal or stiff, and it normally isn’t too kind on the wallet. Coffee, drinks, or either of those two paired with a simple activity is often a good first-date winner.
You’re still learning, you’ll do just fine. Take this as a lesson that you were overly emotionally invested, and this happened for a reason. Who knows, she could get back to you later, the ball is in her court. Just don’t count on it. Make other plans and live your life.
It’s tough to deal with the loss of a dog, give her time, I’m sure she’ll hit you back when she’s ready
Same thing happened to me. I waited a month and reached out.
🙃
Just continue your life until she’s ready to speak again.
Dogs to some people are like a family member. I’ve had a few pass away over the years and it’s always an upsetting period.
Just leave her to it for the time being. If she’s truly interested she will be back in touch.
The first time I ever got blown off by a girl I was in 8 th grade… we were gonna walk to Dairy Queen … she told me she couldn’t go because “ her dog was bleeding”. Turns out she didn’t have a dog..
Since then Ive learned ( I’m much older now) that when someone wants to do something you can hardly stop them, when they don’t want to do something , everything becomes an obstacle..
You will definitely know when someone is interested .
At least you didn’t say something stupid like “that’s ruff.” Life happens to everyone bud. Try and go on a few dates with other women then circle back round.
If you think you’re unlucky, imagine the dog!
If you like her, just ask her how she’s doing with everything and see if she’s up for rescheduling in the future. If she doesn’t answer you back, she could still be grieving, or she may not be interested, but give her space and move forward assuming the ladder and talk to others, set up other dates. If she does answer and tries to go over options, then give it a shot, but keep your options open.