I am 18 and have started having sex recently. There’s something that bothers me during sex that keeps happening and I don’t know what to think about it.
When I give my BF a blowjob, he will push my head down to have me take more in. There’s been instances where I’ve tried to take a quick break and his hands will push my head hard back so I can’t move my head. I’ve realized I don’t really like this. It’s uncomfortable and a little scary because it happens every time I give him a BJ.
I’ve brought this up before to him that it scares me and his response is that it’s because I don’t go deep enough and that he gets carried away but I will become less scared of it if I let him do it. Is this a normal thing?
EDIT: He’s 28 and I know people are saying I should leave him because of this. People are saying this is manipulation and it definitely feels manipulative to me. Either way I am going to have a serious talk with him because blowjobs are becoming really anxiety inducing for me. If it doesn’t change I will think about leaving him.
24 comments
In short….no
Just tell him to stop doing that, not everything he sees in porn is normal to do every time you have sex. In this case it is just a rough sex thing but that is important to have it where the partner is into it too if your not you shouldn’t do it.
It’s normal for a guy to want that yes, is it normal for him to refuse to stop after you communicate it’s scary and you don’t like it, no. If he is not going to listen to your needs and your feelings, then you don’t have to suck his cock. Basically, he needs to learn to control his stupid impulses or you won’t put yourself in that situation
It’s abusive of him to do that when you tell him not to. Simple as that. Carried away or not, there’s no excuse. It’s just not acceptable for him to do.
You don’t owe anyone any sexual acts. You giving your boyfriend a blowjob is a choice you make, not something you *have* to do.
You need to set a boundary. “If you keep pushing my head down, you’re not getting blowjobs anymore.”
To make it feel “deeper” for him, use your mouth and tongue to focus on the head while using your hands to twist and stroke around the shaft. This helps if you can get his whole shaft wet.
He sounds young and inexperienced at what real sex is like. Most likely mimicking what he’s seen in porn. Porn isn’t real life and you should *never* feel scared during sex
Next time he does it, stop what you’re doing. Every time he does it, completely disengage from the bj. Stand up or back away. When he complains tell him that you’ve made yourself clear and these are the consequences of his actions. If he wants a nice, uninterrupted blowjob then he’ll learn to “control his impulses”
Ignore the people saying it’s normal to try and choke your partner with your cock (pushing the head down, etc). Anything like that should be discussed in a non-sexual setting before it happens.
If he keeps doing it after being directly asked not to, leave. If you want to keep seeing him and he keeps doing it, threaten to bite. If it happens again, bite. People seem to forget that the person sucking them off is in an extremely powerful position.
Hi sweetheart I’m a grown ass man and I have never attempted to force a girl to do anything if you’ve already said something once once is enough it’s become the point where now he’s just disrespecting you and I understand you’re young and you’re enjoying a relationship and you think you’re happy with him but you have so many opportunities coming to you that you won’t even know what to do with walk away there’s plenty of other guys who will treat you with respect even if they’re just 18 years old
Forcing someone to engage in a sexual act that they explicitly said they don’t want to do..is called rape..and “getting carried away” is a huge red flag
This is extremely concerning behavior. At best, it’s insanely disrespectful. At worst, it’s him testing the waters for how much abuse you will take. Please leave this relationship and seek help to process what happened to you and why you’d allow yourself to be treated so
Poorly.
It seems to me that you are pushing back pretty hard on the responses you are getting here. You say you are inexperienced, and you go to a roomful of somewhat-to-very experienced people for reassurance. You asked, is this okay? and the unequivocal answer here is No, not if you don’t think it’s okay. If you don’t think it’s okay, it’s assault. Your older BF knows this. He’s not into you, he’s into what you can do for him. Let us know how it goes.
Thats not ok at all, if he tries to do it again, stop the blow job immediately. Bite him if you have to. What he is doing is borderline assault. Tell him if he does it again, blowjobs stop until you can trust him to respect boundaries.
When he does it start biting, the more he pushes the more you bite down. Problem solved. Seriously though it sounds like he needs to learn to respect boundaries.
He is sexually assaulting you. You told him clearly that you do not like it and it scares you. He did it anyway, forcefully, which makes it assault.
You are not safe to keep sleeping with him. He is almost 30 and you are a teenager. He picked you because you had no experience and he’s using that to try to manipulate you into accepting being sexually assaulted.
Block him and never see or speak to him again.
I’m so sorry He has done this to you. This is NOT what good, caring, consensual sex is like. Saying no to something ONCE should always be enough for it to never happen again.
Tell him that he is not allowed to place his hand on your head anymore since he cannot control himself.
And when he tries to touch your head again, stop the blowjob and do not resume until he moves his hand. If he does it again in the same session, the blowjob is over.
No means no. You don’t need to “get used to” something that you don’t like
He’s being very manipulative by trying to tell you that you’ll get used to it and that it’s because of your inexperience. You’re allowed to not like something. And your partner should ALWAYS respect that. He is taking advantage of you
Why do people keep saying this is a normal thing for a guy to do? I’d only ever do this if we’d discussed that she likes things rough/likes being submissive before hand. And even so I’d still check in during/after to make sure I wasn’t pushing boundaries. Jesus, I watch a lot of porn, but I think people need to take a step back and recognize forcing your cock down someone’s throat is uncomfortable and most people probably aren’t into it.
Just bite the dick whenever he does it again. He’ll learn a lesson
I stopped giving oral for 5 years because a guy actually really hurt me and scared me doing this.
I was actually traumatized and wouldnt put my head anywhere near a dick.
It took me 5 years to work through my trauma and I still have a very strict tap out rule when I give oral.
He is taking advantage of you and it’s terrible treating you like that when you’re only 18 and he is 28. He knows what he’s doing. Dump him it’s disgusting not to respect you
28 to 18 is a massive gap at that age and this creates a very uneven power dynamic. Please don’t let this man treat you like this. It’s just the start.
Your edit is extremely problematic. He is 28 years old and with a literal teenager. He is dating you BECAUSE you don’t know the answer to this question. Because you are new to sex and have no idea what is acceptable or not. Please, please, end this with him. He’s taking advantage of you and he knows it
The guy is 28 though, as a 29M I see anyone under 20 as still a youngster child. (I know 18 is an adult) completely different stages of life. Also he should know better, I honestly think that he knows people his age would find what he does (pushing one’s head down) unacceptable so that’s why he thinks someone new to sex wouldn’t know any better. OP you deserve better.
18 and 28???? Goodness gracious. Please run.
You’ve just started having sex. Any guy who legitimately cares for you should be doing everything possible to make it easy and enjoyable for you.
This guys 10 years older taking advantage since you don’t know what’s normal. He’s manipulating you and tell you it’s normal.
Get out now this is only the first part