I have a friend who not too long ago ended a long term relationship, they were together for 9 years. Throughout that relationship she wasn’t treated very well and she’s been going through a period where she’s looking for a new relationship and getting into some toxic relationships with some guys. She has always been very sexually open and loves to talk about sex, with mostly me as her friend. This of course has never been a problem, but recently I feel like she’s been taking it too far and mostly when it’s around my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 8 years now. Before she ended things with her ex I never felt weird or uncomfortable so this is a new development.
I can think of one example that stood out to me, but there have been many others as well. One day she came over to my place to talk and to let our dogs play in my backyard. My boyfriend was inside after getting back from work and was doing his own thing when she told me to invite him out. Prior to this our conversation was mostly about talking about her ex and her current dating life. When my boyfriend came out she started to give him compliments (nothing too crazy, but flirty in my opinion) and started to randomly bring up her recent sexual experiences. She told us one story (very randomly) about how sexually frustrated and crazy she feels lately and this one time with the guy she was seeing at the time she whispered “I want you to cum inside of me so badly” in his ear. And then will go on about her sexual kinks and how she’s getting all hot and bothered right now. Talking about sex explicitly isn’t unusual for her around me, but she used to reel it in a bit when my boyfriend around and even around me she didn’t make it a point to draw attention to herself so much. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable talking about my explicit sex stories, fantasies, and draw that type of attention to myself around a friend’s boyfriend just out of respect.
Every time we see her now she does this. My boyfriend doesn’t do anything wrong and he even told me without prompting that it’s weird and even kind of gross how she’s been acting. He told me that I should maybe pull away from her a bit and he doesn’t like her behaviour. It makes me feel weird about her now. Before she always wanted to hang out one on one with me or have a girls night. But lately she’s always asking if my boyfriend and I want to hang out with her. I have been trying to avoid that now because I don’t enjoy the dynamic so I suggest a day time thing where her and I grab lunch instead, just the two of us. She always says she can’t and then will reach out again to see if my bf and I want to do something. She also sent him a happy birthday text with the blushing heart face, and last Xmas sent him a message with a heart. I have many other friends who I trust and wouldn’t read into the emojis that they send my bf but my instincts with her are telling me something is off. She also does not send hearts to me..
It’s hard to paint the whole picture because there’s been so many weird situations that I could bring up. Basically I am feeling discouraged by her and feeling differently about her as a friend. I haven’t really brought it up because I feel like she would deny it or maybe I’m being too sensitive and at the same time I don’t even know if it’s worth it. However, I’m conflicted because I know she’s going through some stuff and she didn’t have the best upbringing and we did have a good friendship prior to this. I guess I just want to see what other people think of this situation and if anyone has any insights/suggestions.
33 comments
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Have your boyfriend block her number. And don’t hang out with her and your boyfriend that’s just asking for trouble. If you still want to be her friend then do it without your boyfriend. The things she is doing is disrespectful and totally disgusting. I would cut her off completely or at least pull back a lot.
How does your boyfriend feel about this? If you haven’t already you should probably talk to him and tell him how you don’t have issues with him, but the way she’s been acting is making you uncomfortable.
PS yes I agree that what she’s doing is weird.
Tell you boyfriend you’re okay with him blocking her number and in social media and say you’re sorry you let him fell uncomfortable in his/your house. As to your friend you think this a situation where if confronted about her attitude she will be ashamed and be sorry or she will try to manipulate you? If the first can happen next time she does something inappropriate ask directly “Why you’re flirting with my boyfriend? This is inappropriate and I would like a explanation because you’re making him and me, your friend if you remember who I’m, extremely uncomfortable.” She could be just jealous because she was in a good relationship and now is single, and sometimes people don’t deal very well with this, and you still have your boyfriend. Probably she is not even interested in your boyfriend, she’s wants your relationship with him. Or she just a jealous bi*ch who wants to f*ck your boyfriend and dosen’t about your feelings.
First thing you must do is learn the definition of the word Friend. She is not your friend, don’t care what’s she going through.
My question is, are you afraid of her, are you so desperate to have her in your life?
You have to sit her down and communicate to her how you feel, point out the things she has been doing around your man. Watch and see her response to this, If no improvement going forward end the friendship.
You said no, you’re not afraid and a few sentences down, you state I’m afraid to set boundaries. Very confusing! 😕
Say these words with me very slowly. No One Can Do Anything To You Unless You Allow It. PERIOD!
My mother taught me this before she passed away. She also told me, stop something before it becomes a habit, meaning anything negative or hurtful towards you. I live by these words everyday.
I had been through a similar situation and i was always making excuses about my friend, until the situation got completely out of control. She tried to make me and my bf break up. So I cut her out of my life.
Girl, ahaha that’s not your friend anymore, I don’t care how old your friendship is, to hell with that.
Definitely keep up with the distancing. I wouldn’t even bother with restoring that friendship even after she has a man again, because it’s clear she wants yours more. She has no respect for boundaries and it will only ever cause trouble for you and your relationship.
Listen, I just got rid of a 10-year friendship because my closest friend was staring directly at my boyfriend’s crotch and trying to catch his attention constantly.
Trust me, drop her now. I hate saying this to people but if it’s to this extent you need to get rid of this bitch she’s not going to stop unless if you distance her or something.
pretty much sounds like she’s after your man tbh. ask your boyfriend to block her and when she asks to hang out with the 2 of you tell her no. tell her she’s making not only your boyfriend uncomfortable but you too. so there will be no more hanging out with him. then distance yourself from her…….you are a good friend to her but she is not yours.
She is angling for a threesome IMO so….. distance yourself.
She wants to get with your boyfriend
You are reading the signals correct. You are so-called friend is after your boyfriend. It’s pretty plain to see that. She’s trying to entice him with her escapades and sex life thinking he’ll go oh I’ve just got to have her, cheat on you and become her boyfriend so yeah I would definitely back off the friendship and stop having your boyfriend around her at any time. Tell her he’s unavailable he’s busy doing something whatever if you do see her but just keep them apart. If She persists just come out and tell her you’re acting really weird around him, you’ve made them uncomfortable he doesn’t want to be around you and if you’re trying to steal my boyfriend, back off.
Some people just don’t know how to act when they’re horny. (Which isn’t an excuse) But it seems, because you both started long term relationships when you were 17, that maybe she just needs to learn that what she’s doing is inappropriate.
If you want to salvage your friendship I’d say, the next time you three hang out, have your boyfriend tell her that her forwardness makes him feel uncomfortable and feels disrespectful to both of you. (It’s harder to get defensive when someone tells you how they’re feeling vs when they tell you the way you’re being.) It should also be brief, and not a longterm discussion between them, that way she can’t corner him.
I’ve known a few people who ended long term relationships that started in high-school, and they fall into similar behaviors they had when they were in high-school. They might have grown as a person in a relationship, but they haven’t grown as an individual as much.
If she cares about your friendship with her then it’s likely that she’ll want to talk to you privately, where you can both have a heart to heart. Otherwise, she’ll probably kind of blow up about it and dismiss your feelings.
I think having a conversation about it is worth finding out in most cases.
Best of luck!
Welp, you definitely need to bring this up to her. Just tell her you know cut out the sex stuff around the boyfriend or yeah she’s got to find other friends. Tell her that your boyfriend feels uncomfortable with her being around there because of how she talks in front of him.
>My boyfriend doesn’t do anything wrong and he even told me without prompting that it’s weird and even kind of gross how she’s been acting.
>It’s hard to paint the whole picture because there’s been so many weird situations that I could bring up.
That’s all you need to know. She is making you uncomfortable, she is making him uncomfortable. I would distance yourself and the next time she invites you all out, come alone and talk to her.
Seems like she wants a threesome. If you’re into that ask your boyfriend because it’s likely a fantasy for him regardless of what he said before lol
Tell her that your boyfriend is no longer comfortable around her and that if she wants to see you, it will be just the two of you. Make sure he has her blocked first! If she asks for details tell her she has been too overtly sexual, even flirty. That in fact, neither of you are comfortable with her behavior around your boyfriend lately.
It’s wonderful you have that support and security from your boyfriend who feels the same way as you do. I would definitely say something about her behavior or just end the friendship. She clearly doesn’t respect you or your relationship
She’s gross and inappropriate.
If you want relationships that are real *then you have to be real.*
If it’s bothering you and your bf you need to tell her, then you get to choose what to do depending on how she reacts.
**Your feelings matter and are valid no matter how she reacts**, so respect yourself enough to set healthy boundaries, without making her reaction your problem. You’re not making up what she’s doing, you know how you feel about it, and she doesn’t have to agree with you for you to set and maintain healthy boundaries with her, including ending the friendship if that’s what you need to do. Please take care of yourselves.
She’s making a play for your boyfriend. Block, move on.
She’s in a desperation stage. Sounds like she didn’t want ur bf before when she was in a relationship and now she’s acting out with no respect to you. Not sure how much this relationship means to you and if she has redeemable qualities. If she means something, I’d tell her how u feel and let her know you and your bf will need to distance yourselves. If she wants a friendship with u, u are open to one on one interactions until she gets her head straight. If she doesn’t get it, time to break that tie for a while…
Can you have a conversation with her where you let her know she needs to stop sexual talk around your bf because he said it makes him very uncomfortable?
It sounds like she’s turning away from dating toxic guys to becoming a toxic person herself. If this isn’t blatantly attempting to seduce your boyfriend in front of you (perhaps a twist on an exhibitionist kink) then it’s someone who’s lost in the mess of all their terrible prior relationships. She doesn’t get to use your relationship as a testing-ground for healthy partners when she’s actively creating an uncomfortable environment.
You know how you feel, you know how your boyfriend feels, and neither of you are particularly interested or expected to maintain a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad. There’s no real excuse for this, merely reasons (and I’d go as far as saying the reasons aren’t good enough to make the behaviour forgivable)
I think she wants a 3some with you and him
I think you’re right that your gf is being inappropriate with your bf and that’s because she seems to be hard core flirting with him and is looking to replace her ex with your bf. The fact that she doesn’t want to go out with you one on one but keeps pushing for your bf to come along shows exactly what she’s up to.
She is making your bf very uncomfortable, he wants her out of his life and your life. Listen to him and make her an ex friend.
The impression that I got is that she either wants to get into your bf’s pants or she wants to cause drama between you so you break up and then it will be you and her single again. Which one do you think resonates better with the truth? Only you can tell, but her behavior is really weird and offputting. I’d start keeping my distance or tell her that she’s being inappropriate.
I understand in some relationships privacy is key and I respect that……But it wouldn’t hurt to see if they have been having private conversations just to be sure
She’s trying to get with your bf. I would call her ass out and cut her off.
Either she wants a threesome with you guys or she’s trying to sabotage your relationship. There’s no other options.
I mean, is it possible she wants a 3-sum? Lol