Curious if any of the men here got divorced or separated from their partner after their partner was diagnosed with ADHD, and how the diagnosis did or didn’t contribute to the ending of the relationship. How long were you married before diagnosis?

5 comments

1. Why would a marriage breakdown due to a diagnosis? It’s not like someone doesn’t have a condition, and the magically has it once a doctor says they do. Mental illness can take a toll, but all a diagnosis does is put a name to it and help direct treatment. The diagnosis is a non-factor.

2. I’m confused as to why it would matter? ADHD isn’t dementia or brain damage from a stroke…just being “diagnosed” doesn’t fundamentally change your partner’s personality. You either like them or you don’t; having a label shouldn’t affect that.

   Medications *perhaps* can create an affect change, but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking.

3. Wife and kid are diagnosed. Can’t say it’s ever affected our relationship outside of me reminding them to take their meds.

4. Relationship of five years, after initial diagnosis I had more understanding and appreciation of that fact that her brain worked differently.
   However some of the minor traits became like constant micro-aggresions. Largely being unaware of how her behaviour affected others, namely me. Always on time for business appointments but always late for me, still echo’s that – you are not important enough to try harder for.
   Constantly feeling unheard after having detailed conversations that were treated as if thry just never happened. Poor financial management and impulsive spending.
   It was hard because it was otherwise a good relationship but I felt that there was nothing more I could do to create positive change.

5. Yes. That is me. The diagnosis was about 9 years into our marriage and it is ending after 11. Other diagnoses include PTSD (her), anxiety (her), and depression (both).

   The ADHD put a major strain on our relationship long before the diagnosis ever came. It was the condition that caused the strain. The executive dysfunction, and her ability to maintain any sort of consistent treatment for any of her mental health issues have been a big deal. It changes from day to day, week to week, and consistency (in all things) has been gone for a long long time. The only thing consistent is the chaos.

   In a way, maybe the diagnosis did have an effect. Now we can put a name to it, and knowing what it is and watching her fall apart despite the diagnosis and failing at treatment has been really hard on me. I can’t fully understand why she can’t maintain her meds or adjust them as needed, why it took 5 years to get a therapist, why she can’t do the things she has committed to doing. It’s like, okay, we know what is wrong and how to improve it, but you aren’t willing/able to do that?