(20) bf ashamed of my scars

Please read this.
Tl;dr: bf said he wants me to cover up my self harm scars becauze they are (actual words: ) fucking ugly and will make ppl question what it is and then they’d judge him for being with me.
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Today I was talking to my boyfriend of 3.5 months. We’ve been dating one month before that. I have some mental health problems. And have explained that in the beginning of us dating. I felt it was important he knew. He knows about my self harm too. I found it hard to tell him but I did.

It’s something I’ve struggled with since i’m 14, i’m 20 now. I try to stop, and he knows. I have a LOT of scars. A lot of those needed to get stitched kind of scars. They are quite visible.
Most are on my arms and thighs. It sucks, but I learned to deal with it. Still i feel the need to cover myself up, even when healed.

I have always thought, that some day I would be normal again. My scars will stay like this, but I admire people with self harm scars that just live. They don’t apologize, they just wear short sleeves when it’s hot out. They just live. I aspire to be like that someday. That thought, It gave me hope. My mother always hopes this for me too, which makes me believe people want the best for me. But I question that now.

My boyfriend accepts my scars. At first he said he didn’t quite like it but it is what it is. We talked about it a few times. Some times he says it’s not pretty but it happened. He has realized that i’m scared to show him, so he says that I don’t have to “hide” around him. Je would be fine if when i’m hot i can get rid of my hoodie. I thought that was sweet.

Now today, idk how we got to the topic, but I asked: “Do you want me to cover up when we’re with your friends?” He said: yes. So I asked why. “Well they’re fucking ugly and it will make people question what it is… and then they’d judge him for being with me too. He then hugged me lovingly. “Just don’t, ok?”

He says he loves me so much. But this hurt. I was quiet after. I also found out that when we met up for the 3rd time, he had his last kissing session with a girl. He thought that made me quiet. It did too but the main reason was the comments about my scars. I’m so ashamed.

#How could I be so stupid to think I could get married in a short sleeved wedding dress. I am so upset. What’s the point of quitting now.

Thank you for reading. I just don’t know what to think.