I (M25) have had a female bestfriend F(24) for a long time since middle school and when we went to school we were close but we got a little distant after we started going to college and dating other people. It is important to note that before this I never liked her in any way until a year and half ago our friendship started back strong again and we basically became inseparable. I basically started falling for her and brought this up to her and said she liked me as well but she was going through stuff which I kinda knew about since we were also really close friends. We continued to have these conversations and sometimes she said she likes me and then sometimes she said she didn’t feel the same way which has gotten me super confused. What also makes this even more complicated is she is sometimes super close and PDA like and then sometimes she just stops and I honestly have no idea how to feel about this because it confuses me even more. I know waiting 1 and a half years for her to come around seems like a waste of time and it probably is but I genuinely fell in love with her and didn’t mind not dating despite knowing a few other girls who liked me. Now that I have given context, I feel like this question comes from not knowing what to do because I am not really experienced with this situation because mostly I have been in long term relationships. I have no reason to believe that she would lie about liking me / leading me on but outside of saying that she likes me and the occasional PDA I can’t exactly say she has given me solid proof that she likes me either. So what are your thoughts? What should I do? I also stopped bringing this up to her because I felt like it really has not gone anywhere so I dont know what to do. Should I back out of our friendship? Some people are saying that but I also really like her a friend so it is hard.
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TL;DR – Should I move on from this girl who has been a really close friend for 11 years.
4 comments
Here’s the facts;
You let her know how you feel about her.
She’s had 18 months to come to terms with that fact and make a choice. She has *chosen* not to do anything.
She hasn’t given you any indication that she might make a decision about your relationship within any sort of timeframe; which is a decision in itself.
If she straight up told you she wasn’t interested, then you could draw a line under things and move on knowing exactly where you stand and knowing exactly the sort of dynamic and personal boundaries to apply to her.
If she straight up told you she was interested in you, but that x, y or z needed to happen before she would consider a relationship – then at least you could put a timeline on things and make a conscious choice as to what to do in the meantime.
As it is – you’ve been promised nothing and she’s actively stopping you from finding happiness with someone else.
She’s keeping you around as an option.
I would personally take away that option so she can see the reality of not having you in her life to try and push a decision.
If you care a lot about her, then it’s probably worth putting your cards on the table with her and asking her to make a choice within a set amount of time.
Anything non-committal **IS** your answer though, ultimately.
Well if her “personal stuff” is stopping her from dating, then i’d let her go. It would be too difficult to be “just friends” when you like her romantically i think.
In a bit of an indelicate way, you can say: Shit or get off the pot madam.
I jest but in all actuality, for your own peace of mind and ability to set goals for your life in the future, you do need to know where you stand.
Never light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Question tho.
Clearly you have put your love life on hold. Has she?