I am 19 (M) and my ex 25 (F), we have been dating for 11 months before I ended things with her over the weekend.
We have been fighting a lot recently and it got myself thinking whether if she is the person I want to spend my life with (is a lil far-fetched considering this is my first relationship but I don’t like the idea of dating just for fun because I feel like is a waste of time). I came up with a few reasons as to why I feel like our relationship wouldn’t last and we would just be wasting our time.
1. We do not connect on an intellectual level. I feel that since we got tgt I have never had an intellectual conversation where we can discuss about politics or etc. I have tried to engage such conversations but it usually doesn’t last very long or she just doesn’t understand (she doesn’t know much about real world problems as she doesn’t read much news or really care about what is going on around the world)
2. I am a very objective person and I like to complete my task ASAP and enjoy afterwards, but on the other hand she tends to get distracted very easily and waste a lot of time unnecessarily, it kinda annoys me sometimes when I have to wait for help to complete her work before we can spent time together (We only meet 1 day a week at most 2 hence I don’t like wasting necessary time)
3. Because of her current career (She does content creation) I feel a little worried for her and potentially me as well. I mean lets be honest here 10 years down the road, she most likely wont be able to survive anymore because there would just be more youthful and pretty girls out there coming along into this industry. So I feel that lets say if her content creation remains at such slow progress she might have to be mainly dependent on me financially when I graduate and enter the workforce which sounds super scary (If we were still tgt by then).
4. She crossed the boundary that we agreed upon at the earlier stages of our relationship. So early on our relationship, she went to her male Uni friend house alone (just the two of them) and I have mentioned to her that I don’t like the idea of her going to other guys house and I am worried about her safety (lets say if anything happens to her, what can she do uk) . So we agreed upon this boundary for her to not go to other guys house. However, later on the year similar situation occurs on 2 different occasions. She mentions that I am too controlling (am I really tho??). I know that she wouldn’t cheat on me and I 100% trust her on that but is just that I told her that I am not comfortable with her going to other guys house alone at night because I worry about her safety.
5. In a relationship, I understand that it is important to empathize with your partner. However, I feel that sometimes she ask for my empathy as if it was like free candy or something. Example, on days where she gets nagged by her siblings (It happens regularly) or like on days where she wakes up and not feeling 100% of herself she expects me to empathize with her and these things happen regularly, is like 3/4 days out of the week and sometimes I get really tired of empathizing with her because I feel that such little trivial stuff happens to everyone and it doesn’t requires my empathy and when I don’t empathize with her, she tends to use the argument of me lacking empathy
6. Throughout our relationship, I feel that I wasn’t myself completely because I tend to be more cautious with the words I used around her so I do not offend her or hurt her. Which eventually got me so tired of controlling what I can or cannot say around her because I am afraid that I might hurt her (This is mainly the reasons as to why I eventually made my decision about breaking things up with her)
It seems pretty clear to everyone reading that I am adamant about my decision. However, I don’t feel that way because. Firstly, after we broke up, we talk like friends for the rest of the night about the things I didn’t liked about her and she did the same too. And only during that conversations both me and her realize that I haven’t been my true self from the start because I was too scared to hurt her with my words (I am usually a very blunt person and I make stupid jokes about people that might hurt their feelings if they don’t know I am joking). So I feel so unfair towards her that I broke things up with her because she doesn’t even know this side of me. Secondly, seeing her cry so badly made me feel so bad and soft hearted, but I don’t wanna get back to her because I pity her. Thirdly, a part of me just doesn’t wanna let go because of the good memories that we had together and she was also a lot of my first. Is it bad that I have yet to feel sad?? and also should my ex and I get back together till the end of the year and see whether if she can truly accept my true self??
TL;DR: Am I making a bad decision or we just aren’t right for each other??
3 comments
You can end any relationship for any reason.
It sounds like your decision to break up was a very good one. It’s normal to second guess a little bit, or have a piece of you that still wants to be in the relationship, because obviously there’s a reason you started dating in the first place. But you have to do what you know was right, and the points you outlined seem to indicate that you have some very good reasons to break up.
I thought “Content Creator” was something else.