I (25F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (28M) of four months. My problem was that I felt like I was losing myself in the relationship. There wasn’t room for my interests and I didn’t feel invited to share/my interests were welcomed. It was more that I took a backseat. I started to feel like a shell. The longer it went on, the more time I wanted to spend by myself. The true turning point was when he critiqued my fashion sense.
Truth be told we’re very different people. It went on because I knew he cared about me and was more supportive than anyone else I had dated (in a non-interest way… If that makes any sense).
He was surprised. He told me he never thought I’d break up with him. Then he said he was starting to plan for a life together.
Glad I got out, even though I’ll miss the support and company. I’d rather be alone than not be me. This one taught me that compromise doesn’t mean total change.
No point, I just need to get it out
6 comments
Were your interest so different from each other?
Yes, the longer this went on, the more you would grow to resent him. You have to maintain and grow yourself in any relationship.
As you said, glad you are done with the relationship. Better safe than sorry.
That’s tough. It is strange to hear that you felt supported but not in your interests. A lot of what you are saying is vague, and that’s fine, but I can help but think there was something you could have done to avoid months of a relationship and a guy who was totally blindsided. Guys aren’t psychic but some guys have the insight of a toad. I can’t help but think there should have been a duologue early on that could have made this conflict come to a point sooner. It is common for cultureal differences and/or assertiveness deficits to get in the way of producing a healthy relationship and I wouldn’t want you to repeat the same pattern with others. I would suggest talking to a specialist / therapist. At a minimum we would like the next guy to have SOME sense of what is happening either by improving your selection ability or communication skills.
U did right to be honest if someone likes you they like u with your flaws if he doesn’t u deserve better
Good for you.
Truth is if he really cared and if the relationship was equal he would’ve encouraged you to keep up your interests even if he wasn’t interested in them himself.
It sounds like he wanted the relationship more than the person. That’s never good. Too many people get stuck in situations like this and think it’s better than being alone
I’d agree with your view on this… it’s far better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t appreciate who you are and doesn’t care for your interests