I (23f) recently joined a local discord server two months ago in an attempt to make friends & push myself out of my comfort zone. I was pretty active in the server for about a month and even attended four meet ups. I’m feeling discouraged now.
I feel like my personality is not enough or that I’m lacking in personality. I feel like I can’t keep up with the humor. When I think about participating in parts of the convo now, I doubt the message I’m typing and delete. I feel hesitant, wondering if anybody cares, if what I’m saying is unnecessary or dumb.
I feel like I don’t fit in though. It’s hard for me to connect with others. I’ve been thinking about ghosting the server, but recognize that’s giving up and that seems like an avoidant behavior for me.
Joining the discord server, chatting actively for as long as I did, and going to the meet ups was the most active I have been in trying to make friends and putting myself out there socially since high school.
I recognize that to put myself out there and have a better chance at making connections, I need to put in more effort & just try regardless of success. What can I do to try to connect with others better? What can I do to be more confident?
TLDR: I joined a discord server and was pretty active. I was putting myself out there socially more than I have done since hs, but now feeling discouraged in how I fit in. What can I do to try to connect with others better? What can I do to be more confident?
4 comments
I know this is gonna sound cliche and dumb, but really all you can do is be yourself. Not everyone is going to like your personality, some people will not understand or not like your sense of humor etc. All you can do is play a numbers game, throw yourself into as many opportunities to make friends and eventually you will make friends. Try find people who share similar interests, because they’re usually the people you’re going to vibe with best.
You overthinking it.
You are trying your best to connect with people it’s the beginning so you pretty much a noob with more practice it becomes natural.
What helped me was work. Working with people and being around people all the time helped me to gain social skills and be more confident.
Do not try to force a personality you don’t have, if someone don’t like you as you are, they don’t like you at all, putting a facade will only hurt you and create expectations on others that you won’t be able to meet, leading to a lot of problems. If you joined a discord server I suppose you’re after people with mutual interests, I think this is the best way to do it, but keep an eye out for those groups that have a subgroup that owns the server while the rest are just like NPCs, I have seen that before and you probably won’t be able to connect with those people as you wish, it’s an waste of time.
Confidence comes from having little successes. I always suggest working on social skills APART from your social life. There’s much less pressure that way. Start small, working on making eye contact, lighting up a big smile, giving an energetic greeting. Do this every time you have contact with strangers, people like: grocery cashiers, coffee servers, bank tellers, gym attendants, dry cleaners, maintenance people, store clerks, etc.
Learn that YOU can dictate the mood of an interaction with YOUR friendliness and YOUR energy. Emotions are contagious! That’s why you want to bring a positive one. Have some passion for: yourself, other people and LIFE ITSELF! Humor is less about jokes, and more about having a playful attitude.
Practice bringing a fun, playful, energetic mood in all your smaller interactions. You’ll get better, good, then GREAT at it. THEN you can bring it to your social life, and rock your world.
That’s where I’d start. Good luck!