I feel like I’m forcing him into a relationship that he doesn’t want to be in (he has never said anything like this but I can tell there is a strain), so I sent him a lengthy text (I know text isn’t the best but it’s something that works for me because I can really get all my thoughts out talking) about if he doesn’t want to be with me, that it’s okay and I can handle if he wants to break up, is this toxic for me to do?

I’m really not trying to do anything other than make him feel like this is a safe space to say the things he really thinks.

I know In the past I was a bit much, and emotionally touchy/very suicidal. (I have diagnosed severe anxiety/depression, so it can be a lot for people)

I of course cant promise I will never be like that again but right now I feel like I can handle this if he wants to make this step.

I want to never force someone to be with me because I’m mentally not okay. I felt like I should just let him know it’s okay if he does, and I’ll be okay.

Am I just putting even more strain on the relationship??

(Notes: we’ve been together 4 years all together, I’ve been doing extensive therapy for the last year and I’m medicated)

3 comments

  1. I think it would be best for you to trust him to make the best decisions for himself. Sending a text like that sounds more like a plea for reassurance than offering a safe space to say how he feels. If you want to do that, marriage counseling would be a superior venue.

  2. You’re married to this guy. He’s yours! Work on yourself so you can give the best version of yourself to him.

    When you do stuff like this you’re just pushing him away. Tell him you love him and cherish him and work on it.

  3. Speaking as someone who has bipolar disorder and has been in your shoes

    I would cry sometimes just thinking about what I put my husband through with my mental illness. He never complains, he never makes me feel like a burden, but I just don’t trust him to tell me the truth bc how could anyone be happy with me?

    Talk it through. Instead of “it’s ok if you want to leave me”, talk about what’s actually happening. Your depression is lying to you. Your depression is making you feel less-than. Frame this as a symptom of your illness that you want to address, rather than an issue in your relationship that you’re not even sure exists

    Best of luck friend. Marriage with mental illness is hard, but not impossible. Just takes a little extra work and communication:)

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