I wasn’t at all aware of how bad his drinking was when we first started dating nearly three years ago, but for the most part, I’ve known for a long time that my boyfriend was an alcoholic. Over time though, it started to really hit me how bad of an alcoholic he is. He absolutely cannot go a day without at least a few beers, and he REGULARLY drank and drive. I’m ashamed I didn’t do more about it, I really am.
I tried to help him as best as i could and I kept sticking it out. I’ve fought with him about it so many times, and last week, he seemed to be really FINALLY listening to me.. He wouldn’t say “I’m fiiiine” when I would protest. He would actually put the beer down and wait a while until he could drive. I was having hope for a minute there.
Then, on the night before Thanksgiving, I get a call that he’s been in an accident and was being arrested. His voice was so slurred and he was so obviously drunk, I was SO enraged. I told him I would never help him out with bail if this ever happened, so I didn’t. The jail called me over and over on Thanksgiving Day, and I didn’t answer. I was so over it.
His brother ended up bailing him out, and he’s very depressed and disappointed with himself, threw all the beer away as soon as he came home, and said he’s going to start going to AA meetings. Promised he truly didn’t want to drink anymore and didn’t want this to be his life anymore.
I don’t know how to feel, though.. We’ve had bad experiences with alcohol before where he’s acted like he was finally going to turn around.. He’s never considered AA before though, so I want to believe he’ll really get better, but.. I don’t know. He’s never showed much care with getting better until something like this, and who knows what will happen five years down the road when the scare has worn off?
Should I wait it out for a bit and really see if he’s changed? Or am I in for a world of hurt?
2 comments
# Get out
OP, you’re well past the “fool me once, fool me twice” stage and even past the “doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome” stage, and you are now officially all the way to the “play stupid games” stage.
What I’m saying is that your boyfriend is an alcoholic, you’ve already burned three years on this relationship, he is never going to stop being an alcoholic, and it’s time to cut your losses and scoot on out of this casino while you still have something left to lose.
That’s his problem to deal with now OP. You have tried to support him but addiction is a complicated beast. I don’t see it getting better anytime soon. Saying that, sometimes people need a wake up call to turn their life around. It doesn’t always happen.
So up to you but if it were me, ‘I’d say I love you but I have to let you go, you’re no good for me’. I had to do it to an ex and it sucked but end of the day, I’m not anyone’s caretaker and they need to grow up and sort their own shit out, you can’t do it for them