So there is this girl at work that I find super interesting and kinda have a crush on her.
Long story short i dont think she is interested in me as anything other than a work colleague but she has most likely caught on to my interest in her as a person.

As such ive tried my best to distance myself to respect her boudaries and but there is this thing she always does around me which i cant fully understand what her social aims are or if its just a particular quirk. Im not sure how to deal with it so was wondering if anyone here can help me.

Ill give a quick background on our interactions before i started trying to distance myself from her; We are really friendly to eachother as work colleagues (still are) and sometimes have work related banter but when it came to conversations I was always the one asking the questions and trying to find out more about her. I enjoyed getting to know but it was pretty one-sided. She never once ever asked me a personal question about myself and still doesnt know much at all about me. Although she would approach me or instigate sometimes, she’d never ask for my opinion on something or tell me something that was specifically addressed to me (thats how i concluded she wasn’t into me as a person).

When i stopped trying to instigate convos with her i noticed something she has always did whenever she is in close proximity to talk to me or walking past me; she would always deliberately make quiet/unbreath comments to herself, then look directly at me if im in front of her. When i first started noticing this id mistake it for her trying to instigate a convo with me and id say “what did you say?” and she’d say “oh nothing”. This would happen consistently when the two of us in proximity to talk. Id be aware she is near or behind me while we are both doing our tasks and id try to just focus on the task but id hear her make a quiet verbal comment or noise or something. I never have any idea of what to do and a bunch of anxiety induced questions jump into my head; I am right to ignore this or does she just want my attention? or am i being social awkward by focusing on the task and thus creating a awkward silence? Is that why she does that? around this time i concluded that i should just start ignoring her when she did this (after concluding that i didnt think she was interested in a convo or me)

I still think she is a amazing person (she is definitely a bit introverted and socially awkward at times, as i am too) and we still have totally fine work related interactions outside of this, but just want to understand the best way to deal with these social habits or if im dealing with it correctly. Also if her actions are social anxiety based, id just want to know the best way to deal with it to make her comfortable.

If anyone else does these things id love to know what your perspective or the best way for me to respond to it. Cheers

2 comments
  1. She could just be talking to herself. It may have something to do with you, but maybe not. You already asked her about it and the answer was quite inconclusive, so I wouldn’t be too bothered by this

  2. How old are you both OP?

    Also, you’ve tried to get closer and it seem it’s not working so keep the relationship as coworkers, no matter why she decided that with her actions.

    Some people don’t wanna make friends at work, valid.

    Some people don’t wanna be friendly because the opposite sex can see that as flirty (women do this, sadly, for bad previous experiences), valid.

    Some people feel better while being on their own, valid.

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